Sunday, March 16, 2008


It's fun to write in a different color and font every time. Variety is the spice of life.
It seems to me that anything I do on a regular basis is juicier when there is a balance between ritual that stays the same and variety. When I practice yoga at home there are certain poses I do regularly and I also experiment with a new or different pose. Spiritsong, the chanting group I sing with seems to have a nice balance of the chants we usually do and the improvization we do after each chant.
When we are done we sit quietly and absorb the sound into our bodies. One of the chants that I like the best was written by my friend Val who's in the group.

Greet each moment with your presence. Feel the wonder of your life.
The present moment is the best thing . Breathe into it. Feel alright.

As we sang tonight I focused on what I wanted to let of go so I could be more present. In Eckhart's talk this week he speaks about not identifying with physical illness as being who you are. I notice it is easy for me to lead with this condition I have when someone askes me how I am. I have been interrupting that tendency. There is a lot going on in my life that I want to share about besides my upcoming surgery and it is good practice to chose something else to lead with. I am excited to be beginning the second level of my yoga teacher's training in three weeks. Yoga is my passion and it feels great to be a student of yoga. I am a little afraid because my body is less flexible than many others and we will be doing some advanced poses. I took care of myself and spoke to the teacher about my fears, asking for reassurance. She said that we will be modifying all the poses with blocks and pillows and other props because noone will be able to do all of the poses. It was very useful to hear and my worries about the training lessened. I notice that many of the things I worry about are based on a story I have made up about the future. When I can be aware that the story is an assumption I have made it is easier to reassurare myself or to get reassurance from someone else. I made up a big story about Gary not caring about me when he doesn't respond to something I share with him. He thinks it isn't necessary because he knows he has heard me. When I realized what I was making up about his non-response I could take it less personally. It was easier to ask him to respond to me when I talk to him without blaming him. "When you don't respond to what I am sharing with you I feel hurt. What I want is for you to verbally respond even if it is just a grunt." He really heard me and has made a big effort to respond. He cares about me and wants me to feel cared about. It is so healing to ask for what I want rather than making up a story, running with it, feeling angry and withdrawing. When I speak my truth from my heart, I grow, regardless of the outcome. It is an opportunity to add variety to my response repertoire. Mindfulness of my habitual patterns allows me to do something different. Would it add variety to your life to risk sharing a truth you have been holding back?

No comments: