Tonight I am grateful for my body. I jocked out today and although I feel tired, I'm not sore. I walked with a friend in the morning, taught a yoga class, and then hiked with another friend in Boulder in the afternoon. It is much more than I usually do and I was concerned about whether I could do it. I broke my ankle skiing two years ago and still feel twinges of pain when I push myself. It turned out that my first walk at a moderate pace was a warm-up for my yoga class and my yoga class warmed me up for the hike. Although this is too much for my body on a regular basis, I am happiest when I am moving my body around. I sit most of the day in my work so exercise is very important to me. I notice if I don't move my body around I feel much more anxious. In the winter, I walk. I have been practicing noticing my surroundings more when I walk. It is easy for me to be in my head for my whole walk and come home without really being present. When I make a point to soak in nature I enjoy myself and feel refreshed when I am finished. I have been practicing noticing strong emotion and being with the sensation of it as I walk. It seems lately I am experiencing strong emotion a great deal of the time.
Parathyroid disease has this as a symptom. I was pretty intense emotionally before this disease and now I feel as if an alien were inhabiting my body. This alien is pissed off very easily. Yesterday it was a humbling experience to realize that even though I have been meditating for thirty years I can still flip off and scream at some guy who says, " Nice body young lady" to me from a truck as I walk in the park. It is my fantasy that before this disease I would have been annoyed at the guy for disturbing my peaceful, energizing walk. I would've felt sad that he had such a distorted way of communicating but I probably wouldn't have screamed at him to go away or I would call the cops.
I did feel better after I vented and was able to let it go. Well, I guess not completely because I am writing about it now. Anyway I am tempted to delete all of this section about the guy in the park because I feel vulerable writing about it. For that reason I am leaving it in. One of the things I most want to model is emotional vulnerability. How does speaking the truth from my heart even though it isn't pretty impact the quality of my relationsips? How about you? And speaking of impact, How do you move your body around and how does it serve you?