Thursday, January 22, 2015

The balance of doing and being

Happy New Year! May 2015 be the year of Love and Laughter for us all. This is my first blog post of the year.
I haven't written since before Thanksgiving. In fact, I realized this week that I hadn't written in a while and wasn't sure how long since I last wrote. I have been really preoccupied to not even be aware of not writing.
It makes sense because I went to Chicago right after I last wrote, to visit my daughter son-in law and grandson for a week. Then they all came to Denver for ten days around the holidays. I am so blessed to be able to spend so much time with my family. I taught one year old Colt how to chant AAHH which is the vowel sound to open the heart chakra. It was blissful to chant with him. We have been continuing our chanting conversation on Face Time since they left. Colt is teaching me about how to love as unconditionally as I have ever experienced. My love for him is pure and simple and without judgment or expectation. It is so healing for me to experience this pure love that asks nothing in return. It makes my soul sing.
Loving Colt in this way has allowed me to feel safe enough to enter a  healthy, new relationship with a grown up male. I have been twitterpated (you know excited and scared and obsessive and happy) and doing a pretty good job of showing up for myself in the process of developing our connection.
It is such a challenge for me to honor my own life when I am in a relationship. I am the queen of self care when I am single. I spend time every day doing yoga and meditation and exercising. I prepare and eat healthy meals and get plenty of sleep. I even do artwork. I love to do all of my disciplines every day and sometimes I can get a little rigid and compulsive. So adding a new relationship into my life I have been cutting myself more slack. Sometimes I miss one of my practices and often I do less of all of them. This permission to be a less than stellar spiritual practitioner translates into kindness toward myself. It has helped me to look at how much I identify my self-worth with my doing. Even if what I am doing is really good for me, it doesn't make me a good person because I do it. I know that I am intrinsically a good lovable person just because I am.  Sometimes it is hard to be aware of that because I am so busy proving to myself that I am OK by doing all the things I do. I have noticed that being, especially the doing nothing variety, can be quite uncomfortable for me. I am learning to be a better hanger outer.
Some people have no problem just hanging out. In fact some people are so good at hanging out they need to light a fire under their butts and do less hanging out in order to get stuff done. Some people, myself included, need to learn to relax and let pleasure in more. Which one are you? I think everyone can be a little of both. It is easy for me to do the things I enjoy doing even if most people wouldn't enjoy them. T When it comes to doing the things I don't enjoy I can be a master procrastinator. Doing things on the material plane that I know I should do are very challenging. For instance, I have been thinking about and avoiding remodeling my kitchen for a decade. I finally am meeting with a contractor on Monday. I guess I could say it took me this long to be ready and to find the right person to work with. That would be a lovely dose of self-compassion. Why not? What would be a lovely dose of self-compassion for you right now? Could you give that to yourself? Sometimes it is simply acknowledging what is.  
A new challenge is now presenting itself.  Can I relax and be and get to know this new person and can I have that translate into living a more relaxed happy life? Where is the balance?  I am open and willing to learning more about the being /doing balance. What have you learned? My intention is that I am embracing balancing doing and being in my life. I ask for spiritual support for that process.
Thanks for listening. It is so great to be talking with you again.