Friday, February 24, 2017

Celebrating writing

I have begun two blog posts tonight and erased both of them. Am I just being self-critical and no matter what I write won't feel good enough? Is it a message that tonight it is a better idea to go to bed than to write a blog? What if I write for a little while and use the writing to tune into my intuition about what feels right?
I notice I have to go the bathroom and I'm writing this instead of listening. I'll be right back. Sitting on the toilet has always been a good time for me to be quiet and tune into myself. As a child it was the only time I got the privacy to be alone. I would retreat to the bathroom as a sanctuary where I could find calm and peace in the midst of the chaos of growing up in my family. Just now in my bathroom sanctuary, I got clear that I'll write for half an hour and see what happens. I love to write and I rarely give myself the opportunity to write my blog. My partner went to sleep early and I have some lovely alone time. When I first started writing my blog many years ago I was very disciplined and wrote every few days. Then I realized writing felt like a should and decided to write once a week. Over the years I began to write less and less and eventually I gave myself permission to write only when I want to. It's part of my intention to trust in the expression of creativity to be organic rather than forced. So, I notice when I make myself write, I write more and when I don't make myself write I hardly write at all. Maybe hardly at all is good enough. Maybe the idea of hardly at all is based on some standard of enoughness that is part of thinking I'm never quite enough. What if what I write and when I write are all OK? What if the critical messages I give to myself about my writing are an opportunity to notice the tendency of my mind ( and human minds) to focus on the negative? What if writing at all whenever and whatever I write about are all an expression of who I am and acceptable?What if the inner mean voice is only a call for love? What if I could celebrate the opportunity to recognize being down on myself about my writing as an opportunity to love myself for writing at all? What if I could celebrate myself for being vulnerable and authentic and brave for writing a blog?  Good job, Andrea!
Is there something you could celebrate yourself for doing just because you do it?
I appreciate sharing who I am with you in this blog. Thanks for listening. I love to write and am grateful for the chance to be myself through my writing in this perfectly imperfect way.