Friday, March 21, 2008


It's always a little adventure to see how a new font and color turn out. I notice that it is easy for me to feel happy over little things. It's a quality my Mom passed on to me. Today I saw a bunch of colorful balloons outside an apartment building and the bright colors made me smile. I quietly sang a little song as I chose my veggies at the grocery store, letting go of my worries about what other people might think. That made me happy too.
The song was written by Thicht Naht Hahn, the heartful Vietnamese monk.
We are moving
On a journey to nowhere
Taking it easy
Taking it slow.
No more worries
No need to hurry
Nothing to carry
Let it all go.
I have been singing it to myself since yesterday. Gary and I went to couples counseling and I went back to when I was born and brought in all of my spiritual resources. I told myself it would all be O.K. In fact that it would be way more than O.K. I was living proof to that newborn infant that it was safe to let go of my protective defense of focusing on what's wrong so I wouldn't be hurt or dissappointed. I felt wrapped in loving arms and free to notice the good and beauty around me. Focusing on what's missing and what's wrong sure makes life feel unpleasant at best and horrible at worst. Today I have been mindful of noticing my focus on what's missing and what's wrong and being compassionate with myself, " Oh there I go again. What do I need
right now?" At one point I got that I needed rest. So, I said to myself,"What would a person do who needed to rest? They would rest." So I lied down on the floor in the sun and rested for ten minutes. For the second time this week, I rested. I am exercising less because of all this resting and my fears of turning into a blimp haven't manifested so far. In the midst of focusing on what's missing and what's wrong it has also been easy for me to be happy over little things. Maybe now I will be able to notice them more and be more forgiving when I don't. There is a wellspring of joy inside of me that bubbles up sometimes and fills me. Focusing on beauty especially in nature helps direct my attention to the relaxed joyfullness that is inside of me- that is inside of us all.
This weekend I am going to go hiking in a beautiful place. What is beautiful to you? What could you do to immerse yourself in it?

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