On the plane coming back from visiting my Mom I sat behind this couple who seemed to be really into each other. They were talking animatedly and were physically affectionate. They seemed very loving and relaxed and comfortable with each other. They also seemed to be having lots of fun. They were married-at least they both had on wedding rings, so I assumed they were married to each other. Their love radiated around them even though it wasn't gushy or dramatic. I realized that what it takes to be in a truely commited relationship is that both people are really commited to being together as they are. It doesn't mean one wouldn't want the other to change something, it just means that they wouldn't expect the change and be holding back their open-heartedness until they see whether the person changes or not. My sister says that even when she hates my brother-in law and wishes she was single she still isn't even considering leaving him. It seems to me that what has alluded me in the past is the recognition that all people are annoying and wonderful each in their own way and that chosing a partner means having the intention to accept another person for who they are, even the parts I can't stand. After all, there are parts of me it's hard to stand and it is still my intention to love myself as I am. The funny thing is change comes from love. I used to pound on my thighs and hate them and think that somehow they would get smaller. When I accepted my body as it was, with the intention of loving myself with the body I had, there was an unimpeded flow toward a more ideal weight. I think the same thing is true about relationship. If I can love my partner for who he is now
change is unimpeded. That is my intention.