Sunday, February 17, 2008

You can

I watched the movie Waitress last night. I really enjoyed it and was touched by it. I know a movie has had an impact on me when I am thinking about it when I first wake up the next morning. It's my definition of a good movie. This one made me think about power and powerlessness. Jenna, the main character sees herself as powerless to change her life situation and is up against a hideously controlling husband. After the birth of her baby she changes the way she sees herself and her world. She gets it that she can make anything happen and then the universe steps in and funds it. When I was in labor with my daughter and for hours my lower back felt like I was some evil witch doctor's voodoo doll, I was screaming "I Can't!" I felt like I had made a huge mistake thinking I could give birth to a baby or even that I thought I wanted one. I remember thinking to myself, O.K. I made a mistake. I'd like to go home now. Somehow I found the strength I didn't think I had. Going up against a major I CAN'T and coming out the other side taught me that I could do anything, even the stuff I thought I couldn't. I learned so much about my own power to do whatever it took to make something happen. It enabled me to be willing to become a single parent when Monnya was six even though I thought I couldn't do that either. It gave me the strength to be willing to let go of an unhealthy relationship with Monnnya's father and to cope with my guilt about being a homewrecker. After I got it that I could pay the mortage alone the universe stepped in and funded it. I also appreciate the wonderful people who I worked with all of those years who made it possible. It was one of the hardest and best decisions I have ever made. Monnya is now 22. She is probably the strongest I CAN person I know. I marvel at how she makes things happen in her life with her own radiant presence. She has been an inspiration from the very beginning. What do you think you can't? What would you rather have?

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