I have been reading the book Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. I am on my third reading because we are using its teachings to guide the woman's spiritual support group that I facilitate. Carl Rogers is quoted in the book. The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change. Many things have been coming together in my life in the last week. I am finally getting that is is possible to accept myself as I am. That means including all of me in that acceptance even those formerly icky beyond belief parts. Even those formerly so horrible I would never want anyone to know about them parts. Even those formerly so lothesome I would love an exorcism parts. As I go about my day,I ask myself, In this moment do I accept myself as I am? If I get that I'm not,
I say to myself, What needs to be included ? Then I look at what my holdouts are. For example, it is hard to accept how hard it is for me to get these color changes down and all of the mistakes I am making as I write this. I can easily make up a story that a better writer would be having an easier time. If I take a deep breath and breathe into the part of me that never feels enough and lovingly embrace it as a mother would embrace a child, I can include being the writer that I am in accepting myself. I can also trust that I did a good enough job in writing this tonight and go to sleep. Sweet dreams!