Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Last night I couldn't access this blog to write on it. I tried several times and then let it go. I was excited to write and willing to accept that I wouldn't. That feels like progress. It feels good to be letting go of resisting what is more and more. Instead I read an article from the Yoga Journal Wisdom newsletter on resistance that was very helpful. Resistance can come up in many different forms. Like the quote from Marianne Williamson says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us." We can resist our own magnificence and/ or we can resist experiencing our pain. Resistance can come in the form of a little kid feeling of digging in our heels and saying, "you can't make me," to ourselves or others. If I am resisting practicing meditation I can avoid it by telling myself it doesn't work for me anyhow or that I am too busy and don't have time. I can distract myself from practicing meditation by doing other things so I don't have to be in touch with my desire to sit down on my cushion and be still. Pretty soon I am too tired and want to go to bed at night, or I have used up my available time if it is during the day. Another way resistance manifests is to go through the motions without presence. Sometimes I am halfway through my yoga practice before I realize I am not even there. When I am present in my body with my breath yoga is a much more joyful experience. Dialoging with my resistance is often a useful tool. I ask my resistance to meditating tonight, "What do you want from me? What do you want me to hear? What do you want me to know? Do you have a message for me?" Surprisingly, what I hear back is," I don't want to sit because right before bed I am too tired. Please go sit before you are too tired to enjoy it." So, off I go to sit on my cushion before I am too drowsy to really be there. A suggestion: Give some thought to what you are resisting. Have a little talk with your resistance. See what comes of this. It may be a cheerleader in disguise. Sweet dreams.