Saturday, February 16, 2008

Not doing

There are many things that bring me joy. Some which come to my mind are: yoga, meditation, juicing, hiking, being with people I love, my work, and writing this blog. It is easy to take the things that bring me joy and turn them into shoulds that I convince myself I must do to be O.K. I have started to see that my disciplines or practices can be healing or tyrannical depending on my intention. Cutting myself slack about what I do each day has three benefits. One is I get to hone my intuition and see what really feels right instead of letting my to do list of self-care run my life. Two is that when I am making conscious choices about what to do it is easier to be present and mindful instead of going through the motions. Three is that I have more fun. I also have been more flexible about how long I need to do something for it to "count". I used to think I had to meditate for forty minutes every day to be a good meditator. Now some days I meditate for forty minutes or longer and sometimes for ten minutes lying in my bed. Discipline is very important and so is sweetness and compassion. I appreciate the things I do that bring me joy. They bring me closer to the energy of my heart and closer to feeling connected to my higher self. Sometimes it is useful to do one of my practices when I don't really want to because it gets me out of my own way. Sometimes it is better to rest. I noticed that when I didn't write yesterday I felt guilty. Resentment and guilt are both a message that I need to look at what is going on with me. I chose to go to sleep without writing. Not writing helped me to release using this as a should. Today I couldn't wait to write and share all of this with you. It is my intention to write when it feels right to write. On most days I love it. It is energizing, I learn something and I feel a sense of connection to myself, you and the universe. On the other days I will use not writing as a vehicle to continue growing in my understanding that who I am is what makes me O.K., not what I do.

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