Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day 2

It is so much fun to be focused on being loving today. I am aware of all of the people in my life who I love and feel loved by. I am very blessed. It has been fun to let many of these wonderful beings know about how I feel about them. I plan to continue to release any holding back I have had in the past. What is so scary about letting my love out fully? Am I afraid it will obligate me to be a certain way in the future and that I will have to banish my grumpiness and gritchiness forever, or at least pretend I am? Expressing my love lets me feel more love. Maybe it's scary to open to receiving love? I think it is for me. This is especailly true with my boyfriend. I notice, at times, he is the hardest one for me to freely express my love to. What is going on? Is it because when I'm not feeling great about myself giving and receiving love threatens my lack of self-love? I want to remember that when I don't feel very lovable is when I need to be open to love the most. When it is hard for me to love Gary, I usually notice I feel distant and kind of shut down. If I explore deeper I often discover anger. Under that I am feeling needy and don't want to admit it even to myself. If I ask myself, "What do I need right now?" with curiousity, gentleness, and acceptance, I can begin to address my needs myself. Sometimes it is so comforting to know that it's o.k. to have needs and that I am capable of meeting them within myself and/or with others. I love writing on this blog. While I write, I am learning things I didn't know. I hope it is helpful to you, too.

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