Saturday, February 23, 2008

Begin Anew

More about the Begin Anew process I learned from the Thict Naht Hahn meditation group. It is a gentle loving process to clear stuff that's in the way of connection in a relationship. It starts with flower watering, which I wrote about yesterday. Flower watering begins with acknowledging the other person for what they mean to you and appreciating the behaviors and traits you admire and respect. I am getting ready to do a clearing with a dear friend. I notice I am avoiding connecting with her and when I learned this process I thought about her. So, I will start with appreciating her and how much our long friendship has enriched my life. I will let her know that I appreciate her knowledge and wisdom and how much I respect what she has created in her life. In the midst of her busy full life she has been a loyal friend and support to me.
We haven't lived in the same city since we were teenagers and she has put a lot of energy into keeping in touch with me even when I wasn't doing my part very well. She has reached out several times lately and I have been reciprocating half-heartedly.
The second part of the begin anew process is to say what I regret about my own behavior. I think it's called sharing regrets. I will tell her that I regret that I haven't cleared my issue with her sooner and that I have been stewing about it and withdrawing. I also regret that I've been less than fully open to her more scientific world view. Although I value her opinion and listen to her in this regard more than anyone, my tightness about logic and the facts has kept me from learning some things that I think would be useful to me. At the very least acceptance of others' different truths. Only after flower watering and sharing of regrets
is it appropriate to share the hurt that I feel. I think it's important to share the hurt by owning the feeling with an I statement: when you ....... I feel ...... and what I want is......(adapted from Terry Real.) I know I will be able to trust in our love for each other and bring my open heart to the process of feeling more connected. It has been helpful to write about this as preparation to get clear about how this begin anew process works. Is there someone you'd like to begin anew with?

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