FGO

So this all started yesterday when I canvassed for Obama. By the time I finished it was 7 and getting dark. I took my results to the volunteer to tally, ate a quick dinner and headed to Manuel High School for the organizational meeting for people volunteering for the Obama rally today.There were thousands of people there. After they talked to us in the large group they broke us up into smaller groups. Ours was in the cafeteria. The woman in charge talked to us about how important each of us was to the success of the rally, and that no matter what job we ended up with she hoped we would do it with a positve calm attitude. Then we broke up into groups of about 15 and met with our team leaders. Ours was the ADA group. We were in charge of supporting people with disabilities coming to the rally. When we arrived and realized how close we would be to Barack I felt so grateful and lucky and excited. There were many thousands of people there stretching all the way back to the capitol house lawn from civic Center Park. When I volunteered I knew I would get into the rally but I had no idea I would end up this close. There were people stationed out of the park to assist people on line in getting in and there were those of us inside the park assiting people with seating. We were stationed within 20 feet of the podium where Obama was speaking. The experience gave me a deeper understanding that we are all one people. I got a deeper appreciation of the courage it takes to do what it takes to go to a rally with a less than cooperative body, let alone live in one every day. People were manuevering in electric wheelchairs over grass, packed in very closely. I was so glad that there is an American Disabilities Act so they would have this rally be accessable. The excitement was palpable because we all knew we were going to be so close and get to share this experience.We had been waiting since 8am and Barack was due to speak at 12. It was 11:30. The woman who had been speaking to the volunteers in the cafeteria came over to about 6 of us who were volunteering in the ADA area and asked us to go pass out placards. We went to the area where the placards were and then walked toward the back of the huge crowd where they wanted us to pass them out. It felt good to give people who couldn't even see the podium where Barack was speaking a banner or a placard. People seemed really glad to have them. Maybe it made them feel more a part of things. When my placards were passed out I realized there was no way to get back to where I was. The staffmember who had taken us to the back had abandoned us. Apparently they had other things to do.The secret service had closed everything off and didn't bend their rules for me. Another volunteer from my team and I tried various strategies to get to a place where we could see Barack. If I didn't ever think it would be a possibility to be so close I wouldn't have been so disappointed. It would have been a cool experience to just be there. I was aware of how my intense expectations contributed to my disappointment. We ended up outside the park where I borrowed a man's binoculars and I could see a tiny Barack's head between a tree. Even that was thrilling. I held on to my disappointment allowing myself to feel it. Even though I could hear my mother's voice saying dismissively"That should be the worst thing that ever happens to you." My ego voice was saying, " Suck it up. Shit happens. Is being close to Obama the only reason you volunteered?" It felt important to be with my experience and allow myself to integrate it. I went to Whole Foods and ate some carbs to console myself but it didn't really help. I took a long bike ride in the beautiful autumn colors and then sat by the river and contemplated. That did help. Telling the story to Gary who called from his Mom's in Chicago, also helped. He didn't try to make it better. It seems like when he tries to make things better they feel worse. I was grateful that he just heard me. My disappointment is passing. I have given myself time and space to be with what is. I am letting go of what wasn't. A useful lesson. Another FGO as someone I used to work with calls them. FGO stands for Fucking Growth Opportunities. Have you had one lately?