connection

I just got off the phone with my sister. I am appreciating her a lot and I wanted to share it with you.
This morning I woke up very early worrying about my trip to visit my sister and my Mom in two weeks. My daughter is coming with me and my nephew is also going down from college to be there. My sister also invited her close friend and her two children to join us for the weekend. My sister and her husband have three dogs, two who are new puppies. The plan is for all of us to stay at my sister's house. I live alone. Peace and quiet are very important to me. Sleeping is especially important.
My sister works full time and teaches yoga four evenings a week and is the main caretaker for my Mom who lives in an alzheimer's facility in her same town.
I wanted to share my fear about being in the chaos without offending my sister and adding more to her already full plate. I didn't want to be a pain in the butt and I wanted to feel better about the trip.I thought about the possibility of staying in a motel. I knew as I lay in bed this morning that there was a way to communicate all of this to my sister that was clear, honest and direct.
I didn't understand why she invited her friend when things were chaotic enough. As I worked with myself this morning before calling her I knew that defensively saying, "I don't understand why you invited K to come in the midst of everything else?" was not a good idea. As I relaxed more I got clear that the best way to be clear and direct was to be clear and direct. It is definitely more emotionally vulerable to tell the truth about what I am feeling and own it. So, I called and asked my sister if she had time to listen to me. She said she did. I told her I had been up early this morning worrying about the trip and that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to sleep with all of the people and animals there. I asked her how she would feel about my staying in a motel. She heard me and said that I needed to do what I wanted to and that I would still have the same room I usually stay in and could take out my hearing aids and close the door. I felt heard and relieved and relaxed. I told her I wanted to know why she invited K and her kids and that I knew it was none of my business. She explained that she wanted to have everyone there because to her it felt like the whole family and that almost never happens. That made sense to me. I also told her that I almost didn't call because I didn't want to burden her with my stuff. I called because I wanted to feel closer to her. In the past I have been afraid of my sister getting angry at me. I have let my fear of her being upset with me color how I presented things to her. Defensively expressing myself is experienced as an attack by the other person. People who feel attacked defend themselves. Defensiveness meeting defensiveness creates diconnection misunderstanding and war, for that matter.
There are people I feel safe speaking my truth with and people I don't. Learning the difference makes it easier to risk being emotionally vulnerable. I am glad I called my sister.
Speaking the truth from my heart opens the space for real connection. In this conversation my sister and I were able to talk about our feelings about my Mom in a way that felt more real. I feel guilty that I am so far away and that Cynde is doing everything. She has been dealing with the day to day problems of my mother's decline including her aggressiveness. It has been overwhelming. I think this morning we heard each other and felt more connected. Maybe that is the purpose of sharing truth. The importance of moving unclarity out of the way in communication is to move away all obstacles to creating a deeper connection with another person. Then there is the opportunity to openheartedly experience the other person's reality. That gives us a chance to feel like we are connected to each other which opens up that feeling of being connected to everything. So maybe clear communication is a doorway to let love in. It's waiting there for us to let it in. I am grateful to my sister for her support and her openness. I look forward to growing old together and supporting each other in our growth.
Is there someone you are close to that you have something you want to share with and are afraid to?
Do you think that it might be possible that skillfully sharing it might bring you closer?