Basic goodness

So how do you work with the ego? How do you begin to discern your own voice of fear and separation that lets you know you suck or don't quite measure up or that you're not good enough? First of all it is helpful to do an inventory. When do you hear your critical voice? Is there any kind of a pattern? Whose voice do you hear? Do you actually hear a voice or is it more of a gut feeling that lets you know you aren't OK? Do you feel shame or guilt? Then it is useful to look for a core belief. What sentence does your inner judge use most often to let you know of your shortcomings? For me is is that I should be feeling something different than what I am feeling. Or a variation is that I should be doing something different than what I am doing. Basically it is that I am doing it wrong whatever it is. Underneath that is the belief that there is something wrong with me. What my inner critic tells me is wrong with me is that I don't know how to truely love. I used to say that when the quality for unselfish loving was passed out I was in the bathroom. I stopped saying that because that kind of a joke really isn't really funny and validates my fears.
So, how do I work with the ego? I have had a lot of practice lately because my ego has been really lous and insistent. The first step is awareness. Recognizing when I am judging myself and saying something to acknowledge that. Sometimes I say"Ego". I used to say," thank you for sharing" because it was amusing. I also tried "f--- offf" for a while but using aggression to counter aggression went against my values and didn't seem effective. My ego is also way better at arguing than I am so I don't try to argue anymore. After I can recognize that I am being attacked by my ego what helps the most is coming back to my circle and asking for help in remembering I am lovable just as I am. When I remember to breathe into my body in my circle and let myself feel held in love I often can disengage from my ego. Realizing that the self-hate is itself a messenger of an ego attack lets me know I am more than self-hate. Noticing I am hating myself and being kind to myself allows me to witness my harsh judgement. The alternative is to notice I am judging myself and judge myself for judging myself. That is two steps away from self-love. All is not lost though. Awareness can happen no matter howmany steps way we are from holding ourselves kindly. Remembering our basic goodness beyond the particular ego story is also useful. It also helps to remind myself what I would say to a child who approached me feeling self-hate. In my wildest dreams I wouldn't say,"buck up and get over it". I would say, "I can understand how you would feel that way
and move toward the child lovingly with words or touch." When I offer that to myself, it lets me know that I do know how to truely love and am lovable just as I am.
My suggestion is to begin to investigate how your ego addresses you and how you react to it. Appreciate yourself for doing this courageous work. If you've already begun this process acknowledge yourself for that. Hold yourself in love for your basic goodness. This goodness comes from being a human being regardless of what you do. Hold yourself or ask for help in holding yourself from an unconditionally loving being of your choice. When we are present in our bodies breathing into our own basic goodness, the ego , whose messages are based on the past and the future, has to take a time-out.