Anxiety

I don't know what to write about. I am anxious about that and I will keep writing. I just read an article by Phillip Moffitt on working with fear. He talked about three different kinds of fear. The first is anxiety or a sense of unease and agitation that may make our bodies tense and our minds less focesed. The second is fear when we are gripped by a sense of danger or lack of safety. The third is full-blown panic when we are in flight or fight or flee. The higher reasoning brain shuts down and the reptilian brain takes over. Phillip suggests one way to work with fear is to practice noticing we are experiencing fear when we are at the anxiety level and say to ourselves, "This is fear ,"or "Here's my old friend fear." Another practice that is useful to me is to say to myself , I am having a fear of what to write about... rather than I am afraid of not knowing what to write about..... It seems to help me to kick in my observer self to recognize that I have fear rather than that I am fear.
When I am in a big group of people it is very difficult for me to distinguish what is being said. The sounds reach my ears but I can't recognize what the words are. I notice I have anxiety about being able to understand what is going on. At Laughter Yoga today I wanted to do an excercise honoring Caeser Chavez because I found out it was Caeser Chavez day today. I asked the person who was leading if I could lead an excercise. She agreed. I wasn't sure what exercise to create. When I introduced what I wanted to do the leader said, "Si se puede" and put her fist in the air. I couldn't understand what she was saying. I asked her to repeat herself and still I didn't understand. I got scared and assumed it was a word recognition issue. I told her to lead the exercise using what she said because I couldn't understand it. She said no, go ahead and lead one that I create. I could feel my anxiety rising and my self -criticism increasing. My fear and my self-judgement often escalate together. Even though I could've spiraled into my panic about not being able to hear at all ever, I went ahead and focused on leading the exercise using movement and farm noises. I know that Caeser Chavez was the head of the United Farmworkers and had fought tirelessly for their rights. Although I had some disappointment when I heard what the leader had suggested because I though it would've been a great exercise, I was glad I had been able to focus and do my exercise. When I realized it was in Spanish, I laughed. I thought she was speaking English and I just couldn't understand it. Si se puede means yes we can in Spanish. Si se puede. Yes we can work with our fear and mindfully practice bringing compassion to ouselves when we are anxious. What happens to me when I am anxious is that my breathing gets shallow, my shoulders and stomach tighten and my mind races or shuts down. If I can say to myself, "I am here for you with your fear" and soothe myself with deep full breaths it is easier to compassionately experience and release the anxiety I have before it moves into strong fear or full-blown panic. I imagine that I am holding my inner child as I would hold my daughter when she was small and had fear about something.
What do you notice in your body and mind when you have anxiety? Would you be willing to explore soothing yourself when you notice you have anxiety? How could you do that? What has worked for you in the past? Is there something new you'd like to try? Other ideas are to write about the anxiety or talk about it to a friend or to express it through movement. If I can befriend the anxious feelings I am having and number them in intensity from 0-10 that is often helpful too. The anxiety I was experiencing today was a three. I'd like to get better and better at trusting that I will be OK in the midst of whatever anxiety I am having. Practicing mindfulness in meditation and in daily life makes that more possible more often. I am aware that even when i have no idea of what to write about something always comes. The more it happens the easier it is to recognize the fear I am having release it and keep writing. I am trusting more and more in the process of this blog which is writing itself through me. Thanks for listening.