Birthday

Ah a soothing birthday green. Today is my birthday. I am 59. It is scary to be this close to sixty. I think of 60 as being old even though many of the people in my life are in their sixties and don't seem old. I am hoping to use the next year to open more to the aging process so I can float into my sixties more gracefully. Today I am grateful to be alive. It is a blessing to be in a human body, especially because I enjoy relative good health. I appreciate being on the planet at the same time as all of the people with whom I share this lifetime. I feel especially appreciated today. As I age my birthday becomes less important. However when the actual day approaches the little girl inside me wants to feel special and I do too. Gary and I spent the day together. He had made me a special card. He brought it with him on Saturday and wanted to give it to me then. I like to open my cards on the day of my birthday. He waited till this morning because it was MY birthday. That felt good. It's always interesting to me how different people react to rituals. I think a lot depends on how birthdays were treated or not treated when we were kids. In my family rituals all revolved around food. My Mom would make a special dinner. I think we got to chose what we wanted at least partially. There was always some kind of a birthday cake. This year I wanted a non-sugar birthday treat. I asked Gary to make me a mushy card and read it to me. He created a poster size card with the whole alphabet along the side going down and lovely adjectives describing me for each letter. I loved being acknowledged in this way.
Twice I had to take a little breather because I went on tilt with receiving. His outporing of genuine love pushed up against my receiving block. I breathed into the discomfort and opened my heart more. After almost four years of resisting, I am letting myself receive his love fully. I am getting clearly that he is the one I have been looking for. I am very happy when I let myself love him as much as I do. It feels good to open my heart to trusting a man again. It especially feels good to do that with a trustworthy man. Wednesday I did a PSYCH-K balance for the statement " I am worthy of the best that love and life have to offer" I have balanced for this before and this time it seemed to sink in on a deeper level. What I have always wanted is to be in a committed relationship with a man I respect and love who respects and loves me. I have wanted to be with a partner where we are each committed to our own growth and to each other's growth. I wanted to be able to use use our relationship to get closer to God.I now have that and it is time to let go of my pictures of my ideal man and open fully to the beautiful human being who is my partner now. That is a big part of seeing myself as being worthy of the best that love and life have to offer. That is also the best birthday present I could give myself. Is there something you have been holding back from giving to yourself that you would consider opening up to? What would it be like to push up against the edge of your receiving block?