Happy New Year

Fearlessness
The inner freedom that is possible in the face of fear

I was cleaning off the door of my refrigerator this morning and found that quote tucked under the delivery schedule from my bottled water. In the last few days I have been thinking a lot about fear.
How can I include the fearful feelings I have in what I find acceptable in myself? Having fear and feeling it, although it is uncomfortable, isn't bad. It doesn't mean I am weak or that all of the work I have done on myself meant nothing.Facing fear means being willing to be present with the sensations I am having in my body. Fearlessness doesn't mean the experience of fear isn't there.
It means that in facing the fear I find freedom from the obsessive reactivity that keeps the story spinning of what could happen in the future. I notice I am afraid right now. My stomach feels tight and my breathing is shortened. I am afraid I won't express myself well enough and that I am saying the same thing over and over. As I explore deeper breathing and asking myself, "What is underneath that?" I notice the familiar core belief that I am doing it wrong.
The fear energy is that whatever I am doing I am doing it wrong.I breathe into the tightness in my chest. It is so uncomfortable to face this fear again. On top of the feeling is my ego's voice saying "Are you still working with this? Why don't you go do something important like get ready to leave the house? You know you have alot to do and you won't get it all done wallowing around feeling this AGAIN." I know this is my ego's way of helping me to avoid the experience of fear. The system got created to protect myself from fear. This ironically is also protection from facing the fear which allows it to release. The ego's voice is the fear of the fear. The most important thing for me to do is to be present with what is, whatever it is. Recognizing that, I keep writing and breathing. Taking a few moments to focus only on my breathing I can feel the tension releasing. The awareness comes to me that the fear of doing it wrong and doing it wrong are two different things. I can experience the anxiety that comes up for me without buying into making the story be true. What is doing it wrong anyway? I made it up to distract myself from being present. What is so scary about being present? To my ego it is very scary because it doesn't get to exist. The ego exists only in the past and the future. Of course it tells me I am doing it wrong, so I will stay in the story of why that is true and how that will affect me.Knowing that about my ego in this moment, I can feel compassion for the ego wanting to be in control.Bringing consciousness without judgement to my inner process allows me to be present. My ego wants me to believe we have to be separate from the source to survive. I allow myself to be present and to reconnect with my own deep sense of connection, that "I am consciousness", that is always there. This is freeing. Waiting for me is the sense that everything is going to be all right and underneath that is the sense that everything is all right, just the way it is. Fear is all right too. Fearlessness is the freedom that comes from facing fear.Is there something you are afraid of that you'd be willing to explore facing? It is very heart opening. I am grateful for the experience of writing this blog.In the year since I started writing it has supported me in growing and learning. I hope that has been true for you,too. May 2009 bring you to a deeper place of including more and more of who you are in your circle, and more fun. Happy New Year