Thursday, December 4, 2008

ocean ego

I am glad to be home. I am also in shock because yesterday I left the ocean and came back in my hoodie to twelve degrees and snow. I hadn't driven a car for ten days because the town in Mexico has none. This year they did have about ten ATV's doing business on the narrow cobblestone paths. I know it's progress and much easier to be building a house with the noisy little machines to help carry the load rather than using only burros.
I had a great time and am very grateful to have had such a lovely vacation. One highlight is the wonderful yoga teacher who teaches in a studio in the middle of town with a gorgeous ocean view. Another was swimming in the ocean with Gary almost every day. It also was worth getting wet crossing the river to get outside of town to meditate to the sound of the ocean waves crashing on the rocks. Each night we had a ritual of watching the stars and listening to the ocean. My spanish has progressed to the point where people who live there are actually correcting me. When you are beginning people just appreciate you trying at all. I can order in a restaurent with all of my food allergies and carry on completely rudimentary conversation. The best thing is that after going to the same place for three years I can easily relax there. That is such a blessing.
I want to share what happened on my last day. I had the decision about which water taxi to take to get to Puerto Vallerta. The ride takes an hour and is the only way to get to the pier where there is transportation to the airport. I had two choices. The later boat was cutting it quite close to my flight home. I decided to risk it because it gave me four more hours of paradise. I was practicing yoga and my ego was berating me telling me I was doing it wrong and that I would miss my flight. I listened for a while, getting more and more scared. I then told my ego that what it was saying might be true and if it was I would listen to it more. If it wasn't true I wouldn't listen to it. I asked it to back off until I was done doing yoga and moved my attention to my third eye. After yoga and one last time meditating on the rocks to the crashing waves I felt very joyous.Instead of "hoping for the best and planning for the worst," I could trust that everything would be OK. As I've said many times before, that can only happen when my definition of OK is very broad. I got home safely and smoothly. I learned that my ego gets loud and tries to use fear to move me out of the present. I think it would rather merge with the flow, it just isn't used to it. Bringing my attention to my third eye really helps, too. So today when it started being the voice of doom about several clients cancelling I was on to it. When I realized what was going on I breathed deeply into the fear and released the story. Then I went to meditate and focused on my third eye. What if there is no such thing as doing it wrong? What if there is only me making a choice to do what I am doing with a willingness to take responsibility for the natural consequences of each choice? Would it be useful for you to notice your ego talking to you today and respond to it by saying, " that might be true? Then focus your attention and your breath on your third eye bringing yourself to the present moment where the ego doesn't exist.
I am so glad to be writing again. I missed writing. I am glad to be sharing this with you. Thanks.

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