brother part 2

My brother Ben is recovering from open heart surgery. It went well. They had him walking around ICU the day after he emerged from the six hour process. When I went to see him he was hooked up to many machines and his mortality seemed so palpable and I felt afraid he would die before we ever really reconnect. One of my wise friends said, "Just be present with him. Let go of expecting anything." That's what I have been doing the best that I can. Gary came with me to the hospital on Saturday.It meant a lot to me to have him come with me and my brother appreciated it.When we left Ben asked us both for a hug and said he was going to start living his life differently. I really want to believe him. I have opened my heart to him. I have moved from resentment guilt and duty to concern compassion and love. I love my brother. It feels so good to me to be doing my healing work about how responsible I have felt for him and how much I distanced because of that.We both have our own distancing issues. At least we are both reaching out to each other. It's a good place to start.Having his mortality so obvious brings up my fears of aging and dying.Everyone dies of something.
All I can do is follow my spiritual philosophy: Trust in God or the universe, do my part and let go of the outcome. Breathing and embracing what is will help me to do my part. In some ways all of this illness my brother is suffering is bringing us closer together.
It's exciting to see him being presented with so dramatic a wake-up call and opening to new possibilities. I think he feels cared about by the people in his life in a deeper way.It is also forcing me to face some of my fears and own some old patterns that have kept me resentful and stuck. My brother is who he is. I care about him. For now that is enough. Is there someone in your life that you care about that you want to express that to and maybe you have held back? Happy Solstice. It's always a relief to me to be past the longest night and gaining light everyday. I love lighting candles in the darkness to ritualize opening to both the darkness and the light.Embracing both seems so much more real.I want to open to both the darkness and the light in my realtionship with my brother.