Letting go

Today I went for a walk with my friend Suzanne. I used to be a runner. Suzanne and I would meet regularly and run around Washington Park twice which is five miles. Running was hard to give up. It quieted my anxiety and kept me very fit with not much effort. Although I can't say I loved it while I was running, when I was done I felt very empowered and exhilarated. I ran from the time I was twenty five until my late forties. During the last five years of running my lower back started bothering me after I ran. I would stop for a few days and it would get better and then I would start again. After running for several weeks or even several months my back would hurt again. I asked my chiropractor what he thought of running.
He said it was good for his business. He assured me that running was really hard on bodies especially on knees and backs. I kept running and my back kept hurting. It was getting harder and harder to deny the connection. I knew I needed to let go. The last day I ran I asked for a sign. I said, "If I am supposed to stop running please let me know." At the end of my run I could barely walk. It was a pretty clear sign. Even I couldn't ignore it. Luckily for my back, I didn't ignore it. I felt a lot of loss, not the least of which was how identified I was with being a runner. I used identifying as a runner to feel young and strong and cool. I started walking for exercise which didn't feel cool at all. I soon found that I loved it. Walking by myself was so much more meditative than running. Although I didn't feel exhilarated when I was done I did feel less anxious and more peaceful. I could easily walk with a friend and have a nice conversation while breathing normally. Walking coupled with daily yogic stretching gives me a strong pain-free back.Closing the door of running allowed me to open the door of walking.
Suzanne and I met at Washington Park today to remember old times. It was hard to believe I could actually run that far ten years ago. Walking twice around the park today, I could tell my physical stamina and energy level have definitely lessened with aging. I am used to walking about two 1/2 miles a day. Being with Suzanne made it easier to keep going further than I would have on my own. I honor the aging of my body even though it is challenging sometimes. I went to a restorative yoga class afterwards as a treat to myself. I am grateful to have a body that works so well. Like a flower it thrives on being appreciated and watered and nourished. I hope to be able to be grateful to have a healthy strong body for years to come. Is there something in your life you want to explore letting go of? What would closing that door open up the possibility of in your life? Also where are you with your body? Does it need some special appreciation
tonight?