Hoot

My trip to see my Mom went really well. She is in the second stage of alzheimer's disease which means she is in and out of what I consider reality. There are moments when she is really lucid and we were able to connect with such deep love. Looking in each others eyes with no words I felt as if I could see into her soul and it was filled with light. It helped me to know that who we all are beyond our personalities is a huge luminous being made of love. My mother and I have always been very close and I have worked hard to separate myself from her and understand where she leaves off and I start. I had the chance to ask her for forgiveness for all the times I have shut my heart down to her and to offer her forgiveness for the times when I felt hurt by her either physically or emotionally. It was a powerful process and at the end I felt lighter than I have in weeks. I am grateful that her disease isn't all of who she is and that she still recognizes me. I don't know how long that will be true.
At times my Mom was anxious and agitated and filled with fear to the point of panic. I could usually console her by encouraging her to breathe deeply. One evening I couldn't help to soothe her and she was really suffering. I realized I could hang out with her with her suffering and breathe deeply myself and say,"I can understand that you feel this way. I care about your suffering. May you be free from suffering." After about an hour she calmed. It was very challenging to hang out with her while she was in so much pain and to stay in my circle and keep my heart open. I did a medium job and medium was good enough. Afterwards I did a lot of releasing work because I felt like I was her. It was so uncomfortable to feel as if I had merged with her. I am so grateful I have the tools I do to help people and to help myself to release unwanted patterns and conditions.
The next day Mom was much more relaxed and we played games and hung out and watched birds and then she helped me to go over to the assisted living side and do laughter yoga. Those people have mostly intact minds and bodies that need someone else to take care of. I love doing laughter yoga. Getting people to laugh for no reason is so healing for body mind and spirit and it is a hoot. They were willing to roar like lions and make their ugliest faces and to laugh. Laughter is the best medicine especially for people who don't get to laugh much. I felt so much better when we were done and I think they did too. It feels so good to be silly and playful and to move beyond caring whether other people think I am an idiot or not.
Gary was heading out for Oregon and we happened to be at the airport at the same time. We had a short fun rendevous before he had to go through security. I love little adventures like that. I am very glad to be home although I am very tired. I am also very glad to be writing here again. I so enjoy sharing my process with you. Is there something you'd like to do that is silly and playful and that you could let yourself do even if other people thought you were wierd? Your little boy or girl inside might be happy to do it with you. You might even ask her or him for a suggestion.