Monday, April 13, 2009

Heart

In Tama Kieves musings in Trusting the Journey Times www.awakeningartistry.com she talks about indecision. She says that your heart knows what is right for you. The important thing is to create enough stillness and quiet in your life to be able to listen to your heart and to hear what it is saying. Your heart is not confused. Your heart is clear. It will point you toward one or two things that will allow it to sing. Your mind is confused. It is confused because of a persistance about ignoring the heart.
This rings true. When I take the time to listen to the still small voice inside of me it points the way home. What it points to isn't always an easy route. It might require setting aside what other people might think or how I imagine they might judge me. What I am learning is that other people are thinking about me way less than I imagine. Mostly they are thinking about them. When I act from my heart other people are less likely to judge me and more likely to be inspired. When I ask my heart if my long distance relationship is in my highest good I get a clear yes. I always get, "Love him with all of your heart." When I look with my heart I can feel grateful for the quality of my life. Both of us have lives we love during the week and time together on the weekend. When I get lost in thoughts of the future like," If either of us had to move to the other's house we wouldn't.
My work is here. I love the pace of my life and am passionate about my work. I have wonderful friends and activities that stimulate and satisfy me. Gary lives in the mountains in a peaceful beautiful natural place that he's lived in for thirty years. He built his house himself and is very attached to it. I have lived in my home for 24 years and I love being here. When I listen to my mind I find so many reasons why this will never work. My heart, however, is going for the opportunity to love deeply that is available to me in this relationship. When I listen to my ego, I want to run and be alone. Then I don't have to face how scary it is for me to love with all of my heart and risk the heartbreak of being abandoned. However, what is happening right now is that Gary is home and I am here and nothing needs to be decided about the future in this moment. My heart advises me to focus on this moment. In this moment I can witness my critical ego, who finds myriad ways to dis Gary, and my insistant mind, which wants to bounce me into the future and tell me all of the reasons why it can't work to be together and I am doing it wrong to even try because I am too old and have too little energy. Together they create a tightness around my heart -an armouring that keeps me from letting go and surrendering to this moment.
If I attach to what my mind is saying I block the path to my heart.
As I breathe I feel my heart. It wants my attention. It is beckoning to me like an excited passerby pointing to a rainbow. Look here she says. Notice the beautiful colors. They are inside of you. Pay attention. Come home. Be with me know. I know the way. Now I will go inside and listen.
Is there something that your heart is beckoning you to come home to? What might it be? Would you be willing to take the time to listen?

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