Change again

More about change.
This quote from W.H. Auden:
We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die.
When I first read this quote its power jolted through my body. How do I want to live and what will support me in opening to my life fully? What would I rather die in my dread about? How am I clinging to old ideas about myself and my life that limit my self-expression? How do my old beliefs keep me separate from other people?
I am leaving on retreat for four days in a short while. It is always daunting to sit in meditation for long periods of time. My mind is very noisy and it will also be a welcome blessing to have this time in stillness that isn't open to my whims to avoid. It feels good to be willing to change my daily routines and shake things up by quieting down.
These are challenging times for all of us and an opportunity to look squarely in the face at what is open for changing. How can we use these times of uncertainty to committ furthur to the small still voice inside guiding us home? It is times like these when we are surrounded by so much fear and urgency that being quiet is of utmost importance. I notice when I am racing around is when I want to meditate the least. When I most need to do it is when I most want to avoid it. Facing our fears with acceptance and compassion allows us to move forward toward whatever change has to offer us. Being stuck in a rut makes our energy stagnant and is draining and tiring. Would you be willing to stand at the edge of your rut and ask with curiousity, "What's next for me?" If an answer bubbles up you don't have to act on it. Just let it percolate and begin to grow in power. Brainstorm about what it might look like. Start to create a vision of what's ahead- even a vision board. Change has wings of its own. We only need to open the door of the cage and let it fly. Our job is to work with our fears as if we were a small child coming to us. When she says "I am afraid or it scares me, we can comfort ourselves and let ourselves know it is understandable to be afraid. Let yourself know you are here for yourself in your fear. My experience is that fear and excitement form a continuum that goes from abject terror to strong excitement. When I am willing to experience my fear it makes more room for the excitement to pull down the covers and peak out her head and begin to dance. What are the illusions we are carrying that are ready to die? I have been breathing in peace and letting it have a color and then breathing out stress and letting that have a color. It helps me to calm myself in the midst of it all. Have a lovely weekend. Andrea