Fear of Change

Last time I wrote about change. This time I want to write about fear of change. How does fear of change keep us in a rut? How is it that even when the familiar is very uncomfortable we sometimes choose it over change? What makes something familiar is that it is known. At least it is more known than what change would bring. There is a sense of being in control when we are holding on to what we've always done or the way we've known something to be. So, fear of change can be motivated by the anxiety that gets generated by surrendering to the unknown. Surrender is a word that used to bring shudders to my body. What was I imagining I would be surrendering to? I think it was something that would take advantage of me and leave me powerless. Now I know that surrender looks more like letting go than giving up. Surrendering to the experience of the present moment is the most empowering thing I can do. If I am afraid of change the best idea is to let myself feel the fear fully while witnessing myself doing that. The observer self can let go of identifying myself as the fear and watch while I have my fear. That is so much more effective than pretending I'm not afraid of what I am afraid of. I'm not talking about wallowing in the story of the fear and spiraling down into terror or panic. I'm talking about breathing into the experience of the fear in my body and really showing up for myself. I say to myself, "I am here for you in your fear," and breathe deeply, allowing the sensations to ripple through and pass. That doesn't mean I am no longer afraid or no longer afraid of change. It only means I am less afraid of being afraid.
I have been single for seventeen years. It has worked for me to keep the men in my life at arm's length even though what I've said I wanted is a primary partnership where I can grow spiritually. I lived with my daughter until she left home and have lived alone since 2002.
In some ways living alone has worked well. Monnya is the only person I have lived with successfully.
I can be very territorial and fiercely protective of my alone time. I can also abandon myself and what I want and need to be with a man. Gary and I have been together for four years. We see each other on the weekends at one house or another. The need for change is stirring within me. I am longing to take our love to a deeper level of intimacy although I am very scared and even more scared of change. What will having a shared life bring? What will it look like? Can we work stuff out as we always have? Fear of change. What does it look like for you? Would you be willing to let yourself be there for yourself in the midst of it. Mindfulness of fear of change is the first step toward opening to change. Acceptance of that fear is the next step and experiencing that fear is the next. As we open ourselves to what is, the possibility of what could be can take shape and grow, blossoming into a new adventure.