Shoulds

It is late and I spent too much time reading about teaching yoga and answering e-mails. I'm not sure I can write anything intelligible. (or even that I can spell intelligible) Usually I use a dictionary to check my spelling which can be an area of great challenge. I don't want to look up the word right now, so I'm not going to. Allowing myself not to look up the word intelligible in the dictionary made me curious enough to see how to spell it and look it up. This is a good lesson. When I try to bully myself into doing something with my "shoulds" (shoulding on myself by saying," You probably spelled that word wrong. You are too lazy to see how to spell it right. Don't you care enough to do it right?") I meet with resistance. I dig my heels in and drag my feet or avoid doing it at all. When I allow myself to not do what I think I should and speak to myself kindly about it, space is created for my natual desire to bubble up. How is that true in other areas? In my home yoga and medition practice I used to do an hour of each in order to feel good about doing enough. Before my yoga training started I realized that my spiritual practice had become a should. It became harder and harder to do. During my yoga training, after injuring my knee, I gave myself permission to do only what I could and only what felt right to me in my home practice.
Cross-legged meditation was out and so were many of my regular poses. I learned to sit in a chair for shorter periods of time and to do poses more mindfully and gently. I have worked back up to a half hour of each. I want to let go of my tendency to be rigid about this and expect myself from now on to do an hour of practice. If I move the shoulds out of the way my natural desire to do yoga and to meditate gets to bubble up and I engage in my spiritual practice being more present. Isn't that the point? Each day will look different informed by what my body mind and spirit want that day because I am listening to what that is. That is surely the point. Can you relate? What would it be helpful for you to look at about any of your shoulds?