Thursday, June 11, 2009
Tonight I am feeling very grateful for my life. I have had a rough couple of days feeling separate from my partner and judgemental of him and myself. I want to thank my supportive friends for listening to me once again, holding their vision of my loving heart and giving me honest and clear feedback. I am grateful for my therapist's support in getting clear that my ego was running amuck and suggesting that I respond to its relentless chatter with, "That's a thought." That statement is neutral and lets go of fighting. It helps me to stop pretending that my ego is the enemy. By protecting me from connection and keeping me separate from myself the ego maintains itself. It is survivng by keeping me in the fear that there is something wrong with me. That is all it knows. Moving from the language of fear to the language of love requires being present with the fear based distraction. Being present with the distraction by using mindfulness and compassion allows me to move toward the source. The ego isn't out to do me in, only to protect its own existance. I usually say ,"Thank you for sharing." in a sarcastic tone when I become mindful of my ego. My ego doesn't like sarcasm any more than I do. We agree on that. When I am sarcastic it gets louder. Saying ,That's a thought, validates the ego's point of view without agreement. I often say that if we could learn to validate each other's truth regardless of whether we agree with it or not, we would no longer need war. I think this is true internally as well as externally. I declare peace with my ego.It is my intention to acknowledge my ego's point of view and then use that as a vehicle to reflect on what my truth is. Speaking the truth from my heart rather than withdrawing and shutting my heart down allows me to feel connected to myself and to my partner. I relearn that lesson over and over. It's easy to judge myself for how easy it is to forget that the truth heals. The content of my truth doesn't matter. It's making myself vulnerable and risking my separation that opens my heart. I am grateful that Gary has learned to be a very good listener. Once I have suffered long enough feeling disconnected he is good at showing up to hear what I have going on. He is also more skillful at sharing what is going on with him.For all of this I am very grateful. I am also grateful for the person I do Aston-Patterning with. She has helped me to open up space in my body which supports me in opening up space in my heart. Gratefulness floods me for yoga and meditation.Through my practices I find a way to return home to my center.I relocate myself in my circle, my own sacred space. No matter how many times I lose my way I know there is a well used path leading me home. I am also grateful to be writing this blog. It is such a reliable expansion to express myself creatively. I am grateful to you for reading my blog and helping me to teach and to learn with your presence in my life.Thank you.I notice that focusing on what I am grateful for brings a sense of well-being and peace.I am grateful for that, too. What are you grateful for? Would you be willing to set aside some time to focus on gratefulness?