Wednesday, April 9, 2008


What if there is no need to rush? What a novel idea. What if everytime I think otherwise and am rushing around I used that awareness to focus on my breathing. Rushing breath is short and choppy. Rushing breath is more likely to be through my mouth. I was in the dentist's chair yesterday willing the procedure to be over and I noticed that. I wondered how many times in my life I had willed a certain experience to be over, running from being present with it. This time I used my awareness to breathe through my nose and slow down and deepen my breathing. The pain I was feeling lessened and my fear about whether I could bear it released. What if I could use that technique when I'm not in the dentist's chair? It also helps me to draw a circle around myself in the air, a symbol of sacred space, the space that's mine and mine alone. Often when I am rushing I have jumped out of my circle and left myself.
Drawing my circle around me when I notice I have jumped out of it is very comforting. It is as if I am saying to myself "I am here for you." Taking the time to focus on and slow down my breath gives me the message that there is plenty of time for me and that I deserve this time.
The next time you notice yourself rushing and focusing on the next thing to do, use that rushing as a vehicle to bring yourself back to your circle and your breath. Before I sat down to write tonight I was rushing around thinking I had no time to write because there was so much for me to do. I became aware of the energy of the rushing which feels ungrounded and chaotic and scattered. I often feel overwhelmed. Usually I get little done because I have left myself for the rushing energy. It's difficult to accomplish things well when I'm not really there. Going through the motions or being on automatic pilot doesn't lend itself to satisfying results. When I breathed into the rushing slowly and deeply I realized I really wanted to write and that I had time to. This has been very satisfying and nourishing. Whenever I use whatever I am experiencing as a vehicle to move back to presence I feel a healing.
I am healing all the times I have given myself the message with my behavior that I don't deserve my own time. I deserve my own time. I deserve to clean up the messes I have made by over commiting and to show up for myself. That is the only way I can truely show up for others. I've probably said this before and noone at the end of their life ever says I wish I had gotten more done on my to-do list. When you are rushing, and you become aware of it, use the energy of the rushing to breathe slowly and deeply and come back to yourself . Your presence is the reward.

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