Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Validation

I am waiting to hear Sarah Palin speak. It feels important to me to experience her directly. It is good practice to be in my circle and be with her. I will practice holding my center and using my breath to come back to myself when I wander off into thoughts or judgements. Can I use my circle to openheartedly protect myself from the inside so I don't need to shut my heart down and create walls? What can I learn about myself from listening to her? What I can learn about her? What can i learn from her and her speech?Where is she coming from? What do I notice about her personality strategy? What will be useful to understand about her?
Sarah Palin has given her speech. She had a clear message and she delivered it well.
I'm glad I listened to her speech. It is easy to focus on supporting Obama and shut my heart down to everyone else. It felt good to listen to Palin's talk, disagree with a lot of what she said, and understand that she feels the way she does.
When I work with couples, I teach them validation. It is such an important tool. It is based on the idea that each person has their own truth and that truth is valid for them. Any truth can be validated by saying," I can understand that you feel that way, or "I can see that's how you see it," or "It makes sense to me that you see it that way, or "Knowing who you are I can see how you would see it that way." It doesn't mean that you agree with the other person's truth, to validate their truth. It only means that you are validating their right to have their truth, whether you agree with it or not. Letting the other person know that you see their truth as valid, lets them know you care about them as a person. It goes a long way to heal the adversarial quality that can develope between partners who only respond to each other if they are in agreement. Validation gives each person some breathing room to pause and see where to go next. A really bold move is to validate and then say ,"Tell me more." That is such a caring invitation and is often perceived that way. Validation and invitation can heal the attitude that partners feel unheard, misunderstood and uncared for.
Make a point to practice validation in your daily life tomorrow. It is especially helpful in political discussions to enable people with different truths to actually have a conversation.

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