resting into my life

I am resting tonight. I was supposed to go to Boulder after I was done working. I finished at 6 and was really tired. It felt so difficult to pack up and go after a challenging week. I talked to Gary and told him I needed at least an hour before I could leave. He suggested I stay home tonight and rest. I was relieved and grateful. It would have been hard for me to suggest it myself. I have been getting better at knowing what I want and directly asking for it. Also it is easier to let go of the outcome than it used to be. In this case I wasn't sure what I wanted. I knew I craved time to rest and that I wanted to see Gary.We spend so little time together, considering that we see each other mostly on the weekends. When we are together we mostly spend all the time we have together. I am hoping that when we are able to spend more time together, we will achieve a better balance between alone time and together time. It would be nice to have the luxury of being able to be in the same house each doing our own thing. Gary said he was tired too becaue he woke up really early and moved furniture today. It would work for him to have time to rest too. He is busy preparing to move into our new house. We are buying a home together in the foothills of Boulder. If all goes as planned we will close on November 15th. The plan is for me to keep my house and come to Denver three days a week to work. I will also be able to see friends and teach yoga. I want to find a person to share my house with in Denver either to use as office space or to live here. It would be ideal if our schedules were opposite so we could share the house yet not live together.
I am afraid of all of the changes and I welcome them excitedly. I love our new house. It is beautiful and quiet and peaceful. I feel blessed that the fire was a cosmic two by four that allowed me to committ to Gary and to our relationship. I don't want to jinx myself and I haven't had doubts about our relationship to the degree where I believe them and I think I need to bolt for five weeks. It is a joy to move closer to unconditional acceptance of another human being. I think this is the first time I have truely experienced that. I had to let go of taking everything Gary did personally. If he is in a grumpy mood or impatient I don't have to make up a story that he doesn't love me or is terminally grumpy or impatient. This allows me to let his love in more easily. Giving him slack allows me to give myself slack. Accepting him more unconditionally allows me to accept myself more unconditionally. When he does something I don't like I can now more consistently interrupt my former litany that he isn't the kind of person I want to be with and he is a loser and I am a loser for being with him. That led to endless hours of obsessing about how and when to leave the relationship. Out of the whole experience of the fire I have developed a deep tenderness for Gary and can more easily see his insensitivity as his suffering. He is mostly a very sensitive man and repairs when he isn't. He is just moving faster these day rebuilding his life. His energy feels more masculine. He is moving out in the world getting things done. He is a master hunter gatherer as he collects new furniture and household goods for our new home. Our masculine/feminine polarity is expanding and I feel myself becoming more receptive and vulnerable.
I am blessed to be with a man who has both masculine and feminine qualities.
We are both more balanced than when we met. I tended to go one-up and think I was better than him. He would go one down and defend against my criticism and try harder. Now he feels stronger and more self-assured and I criticize less. I am learning that criticizing is not an effective way to get attention. Asking for attention directly is much more effective even though it's more vulnerable. Now I notice I criticize less and he defends less. I don't really know why all this is happening and I am less focused on what is wrong and happier and more satisfied. I know that both of us are more relaxed. I appreciate that
Gary hung in there with me through all my fears and doubts and blame and knew all along that he loved me and that I loved him. His faith in our relationsip allowed me the space to get to mine, eventually.
So tonight I am resting. I am resting into my life. That means allowing myself to enjoy what I have. What's one way you could rest into yours?