self-consciousness

I notice that it is easier for me to write because I am less self-conscious. I think that is because I am judging myself less and therefore, projecting that judgement less on to other people. I am thinking less about what you are thinking about me. That gives me more space to write what I came here to write. It is use ful to be mindful of how I am less self-conscious and more willing to be myself with other people.
Writing a blog is a very interesting experience because I don't know who is reading this or even if anyone is reading it. I am trusting that it is useful for me to be writing it and useful to those who are reading it.
The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery
Mark Van Doren
I hope that in the experience of reading this blog I am asisting you in discovering something about yourself and your life. I hope that out of reading about my challenges with my process you are learning to be gentler with yourself. It is my wish that hearing about my life and what I go through will help you to have more compassion for yourself. Maybe you will say to yourself," Well if she can learn to be with strong emotions, I can too." or maybe, " If she can deal with self-criticism and fears and doubts that I think I am crazy or messed up when I am going through, maybe I am not so crazy or as messed up as I thought." or maybe this blog is helpful because it makes you think about things you may not have been willing to think about before or to think about them in a different way. I'd like to use my blog to encourage you to consider and practice that it's Ok to be authentic with others about your process. It is a way to create safety and intimacy with people who are willing to be authentic back.
I would like to know if this format of writing twice a week is working for the people who are reading it. I have also thought of creating an e-mail list and sending it to people when I write. I would love some feedback.
I am getting ready to do my first private yoga session with a couple. I am excited and anxious. I am getting prepared as much as I can and then trusting that I know enough to assist them in their discovery. Part of what I know is to get out of my own way. The ego voice that tells me I am doing it wrong distracts me from being present , if I focus on it.
When I hear it, if I can be mindful that it is my ego distracting me from being present and bring myself back, I can use it to be more present with myself. Then there is more chance for me to actually show up for this couple and teach them about yoga. Yoga is the union of body mind and breath. What I have to offer is my journey of working with uniting my body, mind and breath. If I remember that I teach what I most need to learn I am grateful for the opportunity to learn mindfulness and compassion through my work. Someone told me to imagine how much my students want me to do a good job when I am teaching. They aren't waiting to see how I will mess up and trying to prove how little I know. My students are looking for a positive experience and looking to me to show them the way. That is comforting. It is true for me when I am a student. If I remember my spiritual path that helps too. It is trust in God, do my part and let go of the outcome. I have prepared for this yoga lesson, I am willing to trust in God to support me and my students in this learning and I know that the outcome will be what it is, regardless of whether it fits my pictures or not.
I love teaching yoga and want to do more of it. I am grateful for the opportunity to practice yoga with other people and to learn and grow together. We are each the student and the teacher. It is useful to notice that I am less self-conscious and more willing to be myself when I am teaching yoga. The more mind-ful and compassionate I can be about my ego voice the less self-conscious I become. Focusing on recognizing that process makes it easier to notice progress.
Dear readers, thank you for being both student and teacher to me. I appreciate being able to share my process with you and to learn and grow together.
Do you notice you are any less self-conscious? Maybe you could do a research study to notice the times in your daily life when you are more comfortable being more of yourself with other people.