Sunday, September 26, 2010

Meditation revisited

I need to meditate. I can tell because I am much more irritable and reactive than usual. Meditation clears out the cobwebs in my brain, the ones that lead me to obsess over and over about some imagined slight. I thought I'd write this blog before I go upstairs into my meditation room and sit. I want to look at the benefits of meditation based on how I feel when I don't do it. Right now I have to go to the bathroom. I know I do and yet I keep writing. Regular meditation practice makes it easier for me to slow down and remember to take care of myself. I am more likely to put down what I am doing and go to the bathroom or get a drink of water because meditation lessens the anxiety that I call "the sense of urgency." The sense of urgency has only one mantra, repeated incessantly- "There is not enough time." Meditation practice helps me to remember that I have the sense of urgency and that I can step back take a breath and not be the sense of urgency. When my mind has the workout of the muscle of bringing myself back to the present that meditation offers, it is easier to observe the sense of urgency moving me forward at a breakneck speed avoiding all encounters with the present moment. By focusing on my breath right now I am able to imagine a crane with it's hook bringing me back to right here and right now where my main focus goes down into my body. What calls to my attention is my full bladder screaming," How long are you going to make me sit here like this before you listen to me?" I am listening. I will be right back.
Ah, it's amazing how much easier it is to focus with an unscreaming bladder.
Meditation is the practice of sitting quietly and using my breath to return to my body. Regular practice makes me more aware when I am living my life in my head, that I actually have a body and it is worthy of my attention. On my bike ride today about two thirds of the way down my favorite big hill, I realized I was on my bike going down my favorite big hill lost in thought. The last two days I was at the bottom before I realized where I was so this is progress.
Regular meditation practice gives me the opportunity to remember who I am and what I am doing here. I am not here to rush through my life so I can get it over with and die. I am here to learn and grow and open to whatever the moment brings. When I am sitting regularly I remember to savor the moment and to experience whatever is going on with me. There is enough time. There is always enough time.
" I am convinced that there are times in everybody's experience when there is so much to be done, that the only way to do it is to sit down and do nothing."
Fanny Fern
Wise words from Fanny. It is challenging for me to do my meditation practice with Gary living here. I like to snuggle with him first thing in the morning. Then I launch into my day with a few minutes of meditation and yoga to send me on my way. That might work for some people. I, on the other hand have a very busy mind and an overactive inner critic. When they are allowed to run amuck and not honed in by thirty minutes or so of regular practice, it isn't pretty. I need a new plan. Maybe to get up earlier, maybe to carve out time later in the day and not blow off my practice because I didn't do it in the morning. Most of all I want to be gentle with myself right now. This is a challenging time. Gary just lost his home and moved into mine. If it takes me a while to recreate my regular practice that is OK. In the meantime I am grateful for the blessings of my years of regular meditation practice. The energy of all of that time and energy is calling me back home.
Now I am going upstairs to my beautiful lightfilled meditation room to sit. What benefits does meditation bring you?

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