Thursday, September 1, 2011

Intention

My daughter Monnya trains almost daily by herself in her studio. She is incredibly strong. Her goal is to up her level of strength and flexibility so she can improve her circus performance. She keeps track of what she does every day and her progress. Monnya exhibits dedicated discipline. Part of her discipline is to give herself days when she can slack off or do less or nothing at all. This level of firm yet kind discipline has been inspirational to me.
About three months ago I decided I wanted to be more flexible and stronger. My intention was to support my body in the aging process. I love yoga classes and I decided since yoga is my passion this would be a good way to create my intention. I started to do three yoga classes a week- one where I am the teacher and two where I am the student. I wanted to be able to do the challenging yoga class with my teacher who is the owner of the studio without wondering whether I would die before it was over. Previously, I had tried her class once, decided it was too grueling for me and let go of attending.
I began to take two classes a week that were less challenging and to continue to practice daily on my own. In my home practice I stretched beyond my usual routine and added some poses that were challenging for me. In the classes I attended there were moments when I watched the clock, grunted through the poses and wondered whether my body could keep going. There were also moments when the joy of pushing myself and moving my energy filled me with spaciousness. I enjoyed creating the balance of sukka and shira, sanscrit for discipline and sweetness.
About a month ago I returned to my teacher's class and showed up for myself most of the time.
I did what I could, modified the poses that didn't work for my body and forgave myself for comparing myself to the other students. I also noticed judging myself as a teacher in comparison to Satya. As I kept returning weekly, it got easier to notice judgement as a distraction, be kind to myself and bring myself back to the present.
The class was today and I am very tired right now. I am going for a walk when I am done writing and it will be a short one. I want to breathe in the warmth of the summer night without pushing myself. Even though I am tired it is a good tired. I am also exhilarated that I do feel stronger and more flexible, which will continue to grow as I continue to practice. I have started to think of myself as strong. That is very healing. The strength I experience from accomplishing this intention has carried over to other parts of my life. I have been wanting to do an Art Therapy session with my friend Wendy and I went and did it this week. That freed up some energy which has allowed me to begin to doing artwork again, something I haven't done since I was single. Expressing myself as an artist is so good for my soul. I am also being kinder to myself and to Gary which has done wonders for our relationship.
I highly recommend the power of intention. Is there something that you have been intending to do that you are yearning to move into practice? It could be anything. A regular meditation practice, learning something new, connecting with people you love, reaching out to a new person, resting more, paying attention to your eating and or sleeping patterns, bringing loving awareness to your inner process, etc. Allow yourself the satisfaction. I applaud you.

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