Wednesday, May 18, 2011

This is the practice

I listened to a teleconference call this evening with Doug Bentley, a oneness trainer from India. He spoke about suffering and surrender. He said to remember in the midst of suffering that what is happening in each moment is the practice of moving toward awakening to all of who we are. Experiencing what is, is the path. Surrendering to what is in each moment is the practice.
Driving to teach yoga today I thought, I am so glad I have never locked myself out of the studio. One teacher forgot her keys and had to cancel her class. After that a lock box was installed.
Last Wednesday I had four people in my yoga class and I thought I was OK with that. Then I went to another teacher's class on Thursday and there were 22 people. I compared myself to her and decided that people weren't coming to my class because it wasn't as good as hers. I dreaded going to class today because I believed the story I had made up and was sure very few people would come. Fourteen students arrived and I got to see the power of my negative stories. I was able to forgive myself for clobbering myself with my story and realized again that judging my worth by how many people show up to my yoga class leaves me very vulnerable to outside validation. My intention is to enjoy teaching my class whoever shows up to take it. This process is ongoing. I was chuckling to myself about my process when I deftly locked the door to the office with my purse and keys in it. I had a momentary sinking feeling because my car key was also in my purse. I breathed and tapped in to the growing part of me that trusts that everything is OK. I found the lock box and tried the number I had written in my class folder. It didn't work. I had to climb up on a high ledge to reach the lock box and I fell and skinned my knee. I started to get very scared that this wouldn't work out and I would be stranded in the pouring rain without a car, unable to lock the studio. Luckily I had my appointment book with the owner's cell phone in it. My cell phone was in my purse but the insurance office downstairs was open. I reached the owner of the yoga studio and got the correct number for the lock box and relieved, went outside to open it. It didn't work. I called the owner back and repeated back to her what I had done. It turned out I had heard the number wrong. Sometimes it is such a challenge to have a hearing loss. The owner was very loving and the woman in the insurance office was very supportive. Now the box opened. The feeling of trust that everything is OK was nourished and grew. I am starting to see more and more after my almost flat tire of last week and my lock-out this week that the more I can include in what is OK
the more OK I am and life is. This is the practice.

No comments: