Sunday, February 27, 2011

blog

On Friday I realized I hadn't written my blog last week. Instead of feeling guilty and scrambling to write an entry just so I could keep the intention I have had to write once a week, I decided to feel momentarily guilty and hang out with the guilt and see what felt right to me. I have written 325 entries on this blog. I have learned and grown tremendously from the experience of sharing what I learn in my life with you, my readers. Thank you for reading what I write and doing whatever you do with what you experience here.
I have been getting many lessons about being willing to let go. My identity personally and professionally has been shifting. I have had ideas of who and how I need to be to be OK. This includes putting my work first. My counseling work is my calling. It has been my belief that I came here to this planet to help other people grow in love and that mission has been my priority.
I am learning that prioritizing my time with myself, my partner, my friends and my family needs to be more at the forefront of my attention. Before I had two houses and two lives in the way I do now I had much more time. Looking back I could be much less efficient and still have more free time. My disciplines, yoga and meditation and walking have been compromised lately. I still manage to do something every day and it is more challenging. I notice when my disciplines are compromised I am edgier and less patient and my judgment is less clear. It is more difficult to feel centered and present. Today I did all of my disciplines and I can feel my deep sense of joy bubbling back up. Also I have been working to get it that living with another person, even if only part time, doesn't have to mean I abandon myself. Abandoning myself doesn't serve me and doesn't serve Gary. I have been working to know what really feels right to me and to chose that and trust that listening to myself in that way will support being less anxious and more satisfied with my life. I have been examining all of my shoulds that keep me tied to a neverending list of things I must do to be OK. I have been more aware of my aging process and the deep knowing that I don't have all the time in the world to learn to relax and enjoy my life. The time is now. The choice is mine. Today in a yoga class I felt the strength of my body and was aware that I am so much stronger than I see myself to be. I am strong enough now to be present with all of my feelings. I had a shift in consciousness at a Deeksha workshop last weekend that let me know in my body that nothing is bigger than the love that is inside me that surrounds me that we are all one with. I can trust in that love. It holds me with consistent compassion and heals the little wounded girl inside me. I can be with whatever comes up and meet it with that love. It is waiting for me to get that I deserve to be held in love for being exactly who I am. Today I led Laughter Yoga and Andie was there with me. We weren't separate from each other we were frolicking together. Woo hoo! I am leaving for Mexico in a few days. I will be gone almost two weeks. During that time I will ask for clarity about when to write this blog. It just came.My answers are so available when I take the time to listen. From here on out I will write my blog when I am moved to write it however long that takes in between. I can consciously write my blog when it wants to be written. My blog is about growing in love and supporting others in doing that. Letting my actions flow from my still small voice will organically support that intention. I am ready to let go of thinking if I don't bully myself with my shoulds I won't do anything. That is an old idea. My consciousness supports me in doing what I came here to do. I look forward to communing with you when the time is right.
In the meantime look at what is really important to you and see if you can allow yourself to do it. Look at what is important to you to be and notice the radiant example already shining through. Your power is more evident than you think. Let yourself look for the evidence of it. Then acknowledge yourself for looking and for what you find. Love to all of you. Andrea

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