doing nothing

How many times will it take for me to get that when nothing feels right I need to do nothing? It is very hard for me to do nothing. I am afraid the activity police are going to roar up on giant black motorcycles and shake their fists at me. They will tell me I am lazy and unproductive and not a worthwhile member of society. When nothing feels right I can tell because I am grumpy and irritable. All of the things that normally give me pleasure feel tedious and difficult. Everything pisses me off. I am overwhelmed by all of the suffering in the world and I want to turn on my heels and run away, move to a strange town where noone knows me, change my name and get a job arranging flowers. When nothing feels right I try to distract myself with eating food I'm not hungry for or shopping in thrift stores. Today as I was looking at another person's used shoes which were scruffy and had worn down heels, I asked myself,"Is this what I am doing with my one precious life?" Then I came home and overate. Although the food was tasty and just what I wanted to eat, it provided only momentary pleasure before I felt annoyed with myself for overeating which further contributed to my irritation. It is a sad state of affairs when everything I can think of to do to distract myself from doing nothing feels like dunking myself in lukewarm apple juice on a hot day. Maybe it is a glad state of affairs because I finally listened and laid down on my living room floor on my back and did nothing. After fifteen short minutes I felt more comfortable in my skin instead of wanting to jump out of my skin. I know whatever is calling to me needs more attention. I want to keep listening. Doing nothing has no purpose in the world of doing. In the world of being it is the elixir of the gods. Doing nothing is a call from my inner presence to slow down and tune in. How creative does my inner presence have to be before I will listen? Does it have to hire a marching band with tubas to parade through my living room and play a resting song? " All you need is rest dododododo. All you need is rest, rest. Rest is all you need." I am glad I listened. Doing nothing is a call from my inner child to pay attention to her- to stop my frantic doing and actually give her my undivided attention. She is not a big fan of my multitasking. I made a commitment in my last therapy session to spend thirty minutes a day actively being with her, doing what she wanted to do. I have done a medium job. I realize I need to stop and be quiet and actually talk to her and see what it is she wants to do. That is different than thinking up some activity that I think she would like and then doing it. I need to stop and be quiet if even for a moment and tune into her and ask. When I just stopped typing and tuned into her she said she wanted to do an art project tonight. How would I even know that if I hadn't stopped typing long enough to hear her? I want her to know I am there for her and that she matters to me enough to stop moving and listen consistently. How about your inner child? Could she or he benefit from a little undivided attention from you? I highly recommend doing nothing. Is it easy or hard for you?