Anxiety

I am starting to really get it that when I feel anxious it is me asking for my own attention. If I had a small child and she told me she was afraid, I would hold her and validate her feelings and comfort her as best I could. I wouldn't even imagine telling that small child that there is no reason to be afraid and to get busy doing what needed to be done.
Last week when I was really anxious I finally decided to use my anxiety as a message to comfort myself. I sat down to meditate and to be with the anxiety. What I noticed was my breathing was shallow and quick and my heart was beating faster than usual. My mind was racing. As I breathed into what I was experiencing I noticed my thoughts began to slow down.I stopped trying to figure out why I was anxious and told myself I must have a good reason or I wouldn't be anxious. After about two minutes I noticed my breathing was deeper and slower and my heart rate more regular.Nothing had changed in my outside circumstances, yet I felt a bit more peaceful.
When we are triggered emotionally the amygula at the base of the brain takes over and we react in survival mode. That means our choices are fight, flight or freeze. That brain rut causes us to make choices that are less than skillful in situations where reasoning would be more helpful. Let's say someone I know tells me they have something they want to talk to me about. We don't get to connect for a while and in the meantime I conjure up a story that I must have done something wrong and the person is pissed at me. I begin to pull my energy back and withdraw in response to my story. There are three basic styles of defense: withdrawal, aggression and compliance. I could also respond to my story by getting angry and wanting to fight back if my strategy was aggression, or feel paralyzed and begin to think of ways to placate the person if my defensive strategy was compliance. So when the amygdula signals fight, flight or freeze we either fight, withdraw or attempt to comply.
According to brain research it takes between ninety seconds and two minutes for the amygdula to release and to switch the neural pathways to access the prefrontal cortex at the front of the brain. The pre-frontal cortex is the reasoning brain. So, when I am anxious if I can sit and breathe mindfully for ninety seconds to two minutes I can access my reasoning mind. From there I can chose outside of automatic pilot. I can comfort myself and tell myself that it's OK for me to be afraid. I can develop some perspective and know that whatever it is the person wants to talk to me about, I will be OK. With my reasoning brain engaged I can access the witness who watches me be anxious and accepts me as I am. The ego's judgement can be used as a way to access the witness when I remember to breathe into the judgement.
Sometimes just sitting with the acceptance of the judgement allows me to access the witness that knows that it is all OK. In fact, everything is OK.
I sat in meditation and asked my anxiety what its message was. It was relieved that I was finally able to get it that it had a message for me. It had been screaming at me all week trying to get my attention. What I heard was:
Slow down
Be still
Love Yourself
How cool is that? Since then when I notice I am anxious I slow down, be still and love myself, anxiety and all. I'm not claiming to do this perfectly nor all the time. Because it is my intention to use my anxiety to comfort myself I notice I am less afraid of my fear and more willing to be afraid. Fearlessness is the willingness to be afraid. Thank you anxiety for being a vehicle for me to get closer to myself even when I need to be incredibly uncomfortable and filled with resistance first. I am grateful.
Would you be willing to sit with yourself and be with your anxiety. Breathe for a few minutes and ask for a message. I'd be curious to know what you experience. Feel free to e-mail me and let me know.