Changes

Hi everyone. It is good to be writing again. I have no idea what I want to write about. I only know that I want to write. I have made some changes in my life that I want to share. We completed the women's spiritual support group I have been leading for over eleven years. It felt clear and right even though it was sad. Most of the women were ready to move on to other adventures. My hope is that I will continue to study and learn and find other forums to teach in. It is satisfying to have more time available to see evening clients in Denver. At one point I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without that group because it was so important to me. I was so identified with being the leader of that group. Now I no longer am. It would've met next Thursday and I'd like to do a goodbye ritual on that night to mark the loss and the change and the growth of letting go and creating space. It's funny how an unimaginable loss can come to be and feel OK. It's a good lesson to me about attachment and letting go of attachment. Is there something in your life that you couldn't imagine ever letting go of that you have let go of? Acknowledge yourself for your resilience.
The other change that I want to share came from reading the book Women Food and God by Geneen Roth. I found it to be very helpful. I put off reading it for a long time because I felt envious that she had published this book when I had never published my book Eating My Way to God. I realized I was resisting reading it for that reason and was kind to myself about it. I decided I was ready to let go of my envy in order to learn from what Geneen Roth had to offer. I've shared here before about my desire to let go of eating and reading at the same time.  When I do both I often don't even notice what I am eating until I am done. I  don't notice when I've had enough either.Many many times I have resolved to only eat when I am eating and only read when I am reading. It usually lasts less than two weeks and I gradually slip back into having reading material and reading glasses on my kitchen table and melding the two behaviors. Geneen Roth has these guidelines, one of which is to only eat when you are eating. I used her as a cheerleader to recreate my intention of conscious eating. I read the book at Valley View hot springs where I went by myself for four days. Being by myself with no work or house related distractions, it was easy to create lovely meals for myself and eat them with awareness. That was three weeks ago. I continued when I got home. It was challenging and I was tempted to grab my glasses many times. If they weren't there it was easier because I couldn't see to read. I was able to be kind and patient about the process of change and gentle about the slips I had.
 At the same time I bought a new to me kitchen table and chairs. I decided to bring all of my reading materials and all of my mail and bills into my office and off of my kitchen table. My table had been my desk. I even had a usable desk in my office that had been sort of a dumping ground.
So now I have a tranquil space to eat in. I notice I am tasting food more and enjoying eating. That is a pleasure. I  also notice I am reading less and the next step is to carve out more time to read besides reading on the internet. I love to read and want to do more. One good time would be instead of being on the computer before I go to bed I am going to read. I know that the stimulation of the computer before bed isn't supportive of good sleep. That is the next step. It's important to acknowledge the shift I have made and not only to focus on the next shift yet to be made. Good job, Andrea. You have made real progress with changing an automatic behavior to a more conscious one. Is there an automatic behavior you'd like to change to a more conscious one? Could you begin by being kind to yourself and noticing what it is?