Ginger

Monday night I went to a deeksha oneness blessing. My friend Ginger (gingermitchell@comcast.net) who is a long time feldenkreis bodywork practitioner and more recently a psych-k practitioner experienced deeksha. It is an energy exchange where the oneness blessing is passed on to another person by placing the hands on the person's head. Ginger had such positive results that she felt moved to go to Fiji to Oneness University to learn to give the deeksha oneness blessing to others. She needed to raise $7.ooo. Ginger is a very giving person.When she asked her inner guidance how she could raise the money to do the training she was told to ask her friends to support her in going.That was a huge stretch for her because she would have to ask for help and receive.She pushed through her fears and in three weeks had the money she needed to go. All of the donations she receives from doing Deeksha oneness blessings will now go to a scholarship fund for other people who want to go to the training.
A small group gathered on Monday night at the Creative Living Center(www.thecreativelivingcenter.com). We sat in a circle and Ginger explained what would be happening. We would do a chant and then sit quietly as she moved around the circle laying her hands on each person's head and bringing the energy of the sense of oneness of the universe through her hands into the other person. I felt very peaceful afterward and my mind seemed clearer.It was exciting for me to do this with Ginger because in my own small way I supported her in going to the training. Ginger says she has found what she has come here to do and that everything she has done before(which she will still continue to do)has helped prepare her to come to this place. Everyone deserves to feel that way about their work. I do too. I am grateful for that.I think doing the oneness blessing has created more space in me to experience gratefulness for what is. In this moment what are you grateful for?

what is

It is good to be writing again. Can I trust that even though I think I don't have enough time to write this and I'm not sure what I am going to write about that it will get written exactly as it needs to be. Or that it will get written exactly as it does? That may be the key. If I have expectations of what it will look like or how it needs to be "what Is" will never live up to them. "What is" doesn't care if I have been disappointed in the past or I'm worried about being disappointed in the future. "What is" keeps on being what is regardless of how much I believe my story that "what is" should be something different than it is.
As I write this I wonder if this is making sense. It is making sense to me. I guess that's all I have right now because I can't ask you. All I have right now are these green words flowing out of my heart through my hands. It's good to trust in that. I have something to say and it is being said. How simple and how lovely. My fears and doubts are just that. That doesn't mean it's not a good idea to be discerning. Discernment is making choices that come from conscious awareness. It's different than judgement. When I am judging everything looks wrong. Judgement notices what's wrong with "what is".
Discernment notices what is and asks what's next?
I notice my fingernails are still dirty from my camping trip and I wonder if I have time to clean them before I leave to go walk with my fried before leading laughter yoga? Not a mystery. I do if I choose to. I could choose to judge myself for my dirty fingernails and to feel overwhelmed by having to do one more thing before I leave. That sense of urgency clouds my brain and I start making typos which I notice eats up the time I have to write this. I can chose to write this blog and let go of second guessing myself about what shows up in it. I can relax and let the relaxed me write this blog. She is a much better writer.
Let's see if there is anything else left to say? Is this enough?Is it good enough? Is it stupid? It is what it is. For now that is good enough.

enjoy yourself

Today I get to go on a personal retreat to my favorite hot springs for four days.I originally carved out the time because we accidentally left a lot of our camping gear there and I had to go retrieve it. Otherwise I may not have taken this opportunity when it was available. I want to relax, do yoga, meditate, eat well, hike and read and sleep. The chance to be with myself in a beautiful place where I feel safe and comfortable for four days is so exciting. I haven't been to my hot springs alone for four days in many years.Gary will be out of town going to art fairs to sell his stones and visiting his Mom. Last year I met him at his Mom's for four days. This year I will meet myself.It will be good to get out of the city and slow myself down. It would be easy for me to be speedy when I am there, too. I want to pay attention to my breath and listen to my heart about what I want to do and then allow myself to do it.
I want to be gentle with myself about my choices and release second guessing myself. If I make a choice that ends up not feeling good I want to be forgiving and move on. Mostly I want to use this trip to feel closer to myself and to nature.
I also want to have fun and let myself be frivolous if I want to. I can get so restrictive and controlling sometimes and so caught up in my own rules. My intention is to enjoy myself. I get that enjoying myself means acknowledging and accepting all the parts of myself even the ones I don't think are pretty. Enjoying myself doesn't mean that I enjoy only the parts of me that I like or am comfortable with or find socially acceptable. It means welcoming the whole gang inside me to come along on this retreat and hang out and get to know each other open heartedly.Even the part of me that obsesses is invited, although I hope she will relax her hold on my brain and let me get under her story to the feelings that drive her.Ram Dass suggests inviting these parts of ourselves and the feelings they bring up in for tea.I imagine a lovely tea party with all of us sitting around in a circle sharing in a relaxed way. Several members of my inner tribe are already chortling or sneering or rebelling at that idea. I think enjoying myself also means letting go of all of my pictures of what this retreat will look like and just being there. I will write again either Sunday or Monday. What do you do to enjoy yourself? Could there be a personal retreat in your near future? How could you enjoy yourself this weekend where ever you are? What parts of yourself might you invite along?

We

So the question is when to confront someone or something head on, directly and honestly and when to let things ride for a while? Most people seethe in silence and then eventually blow up. Both create headaches, upset stomachs and low self-esteem. Suppressed resentment over time is a strain on body mind and spirit. The inevitable blowup that results is hard to reconcile with our image of ourselves as good hearted, well intentioned people.
Let's say that clear direct communication is preferable to either. It might come in the form of: When you do X I feel X and what I want is X.
For instance, Gary often says "we" when speaking about his ex-wife. I have asked him many times to say "Lucy(not her real name.) and I." I feel hurt and Dr. Phil agrees with me citing it as a red flag for a person not complete with a past relationship. I have communicated my wishes to Gary in clear direct communication. "When you say we in talking about Lucy and you, I feel hurt and angry. What I want is for you to say Lucy and I instead of we." Now he mostly says Lucy and I . I've attempted to explain to him why I feel the way I do. To me it is making an assumption that he and she are still a couple. I feel excluded. I want to be his We. Even though he doesn't get it at all why I am upset, he is willing to honor my wishes. So, when he does say we I sometimes let it slide deciding that he is really making an effort most of the time. I guess I let it slide one too many times. On Saturday Gary and Lucy tentatively planned this family party for his adult daughter's birthday that day and then he ran it by me afterwards.
I felt angry and left out of the loop. I let him know that I felt excluded and disrespected. I asked him to run things by me about plans for the weekend before he plans things with Lucy. The party didn't end up happening. Gary's daughter wasn't in on the planning either. Gary and I were hiking later that day and when we got part way up the trail, he said, "This is where we took the kids up to." He was referring to the previous hike that he and his ex-wife had taken to the same spot with their grandchildren. I don't have a problem with his being friends with his ex-wife and I'm glad they did a hike with their grandchildren. That's how I got to go on this beautiful hike because Lucy told Gary about it. I like her . It's this We thing that really upsets me. I guess I had let things slide for too long and feeling left out of the party planning compounded
things. When he said "We" I felt the anger rise in me and I said, in a raised voice "Take your We and cram it up your butt." and other variations on the theme. I realized later that I had been seething and didn't feel resolved and my resentment was building. It was only a matter of time before I would blow and blow I did. We talked some more and I was able to more skillfully express myself about how I felt and apologize for attacking him. He still doesn't get why it upsets me and sees no problem with his we. Even so, he is willing to work on saying Lucy and I. I appreciate that. I am willling to look at myself about where I am coming from about this. Thanks for your part in listening to my story. It is risky for me to share unresolved issues. I am committed to continuing to go beneath the story to the feelings below to gain more clarity for myself. For now Gary and I are agreeing to disagree. I will write more about when to confront and when to let things slide. In your life how has this played out?

trees water moon and grandmother

I'm back from the mountains. It was cool and lovely and very green. It is so enlivening to be close to nature. We went on a beautiful hike near Jamestown that went through a forest next to a river. Moving water and forest energy are two of my most potent elixers. I feel safe and held by large trees and I found an especially comforting one to hug. When I press my heart or my spine against certain trees I feel connected to them and to their history. This tree shared its silent wisdom with me. It was soothing and I felt energized. When I hug a tree I also feel as if I have something to offer the tree because we are two beings exchanging energy. We waded in the river which was very cold and envigorating. Moving water has been my teacher for many years. I love to hang out and watch it flow and sometimes I experience merging with it. Every day I say a water prayer to the moving water in the park where I walk. Monnya and I made up a bedtime prayer and I say the first few lines with arm movements as my water prayer.
"Thank you for my wonderful life.( hands at the heart) I trust in peace and joy and love.(arms outstretched open wide, head up) I am enough. (hugging myself)"
Tonight I walked when I got home just as it was getting dark. I am always grateful that I live in a neighborhood where I feel comfortable walking alone at night. I forgot to say my water prayer to the water so I said it to the moon. I call the moon grandmother moon. I feel a strong connection to the moon and always watch her move through her phases. When Monnya was sixteen and spending five months traveling with Youth International and studying dance in India we used to send each other moon mail. We would each go outside and be with the moon and send messages to each other through the moon. It made me feel close to her at a time when more direct communicatiion was very difficult.
The moon kind of feels like the same energy I felt with my grandmother growing up. I felt special because of our connection and supported in being myself. She had a big impact in my life because I knew she loved me when I wasn't certain who else did. I am grateful to her for loving me and being such a playful and young at heart person. She was a great role model for me about being active and doing what she wanted regardless of what other people might think. I have felt her guidance and support over the years since her death when I was twenty six. As a matter of fact I think I will connect with her soon. It's been a long time and I could use a dose of unconditional love right now. So, who or what do you feel support from? Could you draw on that support sometime soon?

Campaign '08

I was raised in a Jewish liberal democratic culture that placed a high value on social justice and has strongly impacted who I am today. I thank my parents for their caring and progressive political ideas. Whatever your political persuasion I think this election is very important and has already changed the face of american politics. The very fact that Barack Obama who is african american and anglo and Hilary Clinton, a woman, were competing for the democratic nomination, represents progress in and of itself and is very exciting. Barack Obama is my man and with the help of a forwarded e-mail from someone who worked full time on the Kerry/Salazar campaign and thoroughly enjoyed it, I have just signed up to work on his campaign. You can work as little or as much as you want. Send me an e-mail at lightalive@msn.com if you want me to forward this e-mail to you.
I see Barack Obama as a humble and confident guy who is committed to transforming the challenging place we have gotten ourselves into with the current administration. Today I heard that he wants to give college students $4,000 a year. In exchange they will be required to perform 100 hours of community service. That makes so much sense to me. Help kids out and give them a chance to give back. I am looking forward to learning more about the campaign and about Barack Obama's vision for the future of this country. I too worked for John Kerry part time for the last two months before the election. I was working to get out the vote and it was was very satisfying to go door to door and talk to people. I think this time will be more fun because I have so much more enthusiasm for Barack Obama than I did in the last election.
There is also a group of people http://www.meditation who are organizing a silent meditation retreat during the whole democratic convention. It will feature rotating meditation teachers from all different groups and meet in a public park near the convention. It is open to the public. You can participate in as much or as little as you want to. I think it is a great idea to bring the powerful healing energy of group silence to the convention. The organizers are also hoping to have some people who are convention participants join them on breaks.
These are certainly interesting times. Happy Independance Day. I think it is a good day to think about what I have become independant of this year. Two things come to mind- caring so much about what other people think and obsessing so much about whether I am in the right relationship. How about you? I am grateful that I get to go to the mountains for the weekend and I probably won't write until Monday.

Ratio of three to one

I work with a lot of couples. I have been in many relationships. Sometimes I wonder how I , with my patchwork relationship history, can work with couples. As I may have already told you my daughter Monnya's answer to the question
is, "But Mom you know exactly what not to do."
I also work with singles to help them learn to rely on themselves and, if they chose to, to enter into a relationship that is healthy. Joyce and Barry Vissel who work with couples and write an e-newsletter called "A Shared Heart" wrote about finding a life partner. They suggest to allow yourself to begin to feel how much you love your life partner even before you have met the person. Letting yourself feel that will naturally attract that person to you. Once you meet the person they suggest throwing out your list and trusting in your intuition. In my case, fears of intimacy may prevent us from recognizing our life partner. Only after we work through those fears is it possible to see the other person's beauty and to experience love freely. I think the most important quality in a relationship is whether both people are committed to working on themselves.
That work could take many forms. When a person is ready to use a relationship as a means to grow and to embrace the hard work involved in working things out with another person, the relationship has a chance of deepening and evolving into a true spiritual path. Relationship can be a spiritual path because it is like walking around with a mirror in your face. When your partner holds the mirror for you to see yourself with love, compassion and respect it provides a safe space to grow together. When both people are committed to being fully expressed beings individually and to supporting each other in being fully expressed beings there is an amazing opportunity to move beyond old conditioning especially the wounds we carry from our original families. Even so this is really hard work. My friend Smokey and her husband Graham love each other very much. They have vastly different personalities. In the past five years a sweetness has developed from all the hard work they have done to accept each other as they are. They put energy into repairing and resolving conflicts and into cutting each other a great deal of slack. It is so inspiring to be around them now. John Gottman in his research with couples who report being happily married, has found that there is a three to one ratio of positive to negative comments. If you are currently in a relationship with a partner begin a practice of noticing what you appreciate and getting it out of your mouth. Let's practice making that ratio true by beginning with ourselves. Whether we are in a primary relationship or not if every time we say something negative to ourselves we then say three positive things it makes sense we will be happier. It would go like this, "I probably already wrote about that in here." - One negative, then three positives, "Even if that is true it is still a good idea and worth repeating. I have good ideas. It is gutsy of me to share my good ideas on this blog." That was quite pleasurable and required me to use my creativity to appreciate myself. I'm going to experiment with three positives for every negative. Would you care to join me?