enjoy yourself

Today I get to go on a personal retreat to my favorite hot springs for four days.I originally carved out the time because we accidentally left a lot of our camping gear there and I had to go retrieve it. Otherwise I may not have taken this opportunity when it was available. I want to relax, do yoga, meditate, eat well, hike and read and sleep. The chance to be with myself in a beautiful place where I feel safe and comfortable for four days is so exciting. I haven't been to my hot springs alone for four days in many years.Gary will be out of town going to art fairs to sell his stones and visiting his Mom. Last year I met him at his Mom's for four days. This year I will meet myself.It will be good to get out of the city and slow myself down. It would be easy for me to be speedy when I am there, too. I want to pay attention to my breath and listen to my heart about what I want to do and then allow myself to do it.
I want to be gentle with myself about my choices and release second guessing myself. If I make a choice that ends up not feeling good I want to be forgiving and move on. Mostly I want to use this trip to feel closer to myself and to nature.
I also want to have fun and let myself be frivolous if I want to. I can get so restrictive and controlling sometimes and so caught up in my own rules. My intention is to enjoy myself. I get that enjoying myself means acknowledging and accepting all the parts of myself even the ones I don't think are pretty. Enjoying myself doesn't mean that I enjoy only the parts of me that I like or am comfortable with or find socially acceptable. It means welcoming the whole gang inside me to come along on this retreat and hang out and get to know each other open heartedly.Even the part of me that obsesses is invited, although I hope she will relax her hold on my brain and let me get under her story to the feelings that drive her.Ram Dass suggests inviting these parts of ourselves and the feelings they bring up in for tea.I imagine a lovely tea party with all of us sitting around in a circle sharing in a relaxed way. Several members of my inner tribe are already chortling or sneering or rebelling at that idea. I think enjoying myself also means letting go of all of my pictures of what this retreat will look like and just being there. I will write again either Sunday or Monday. What do you do to enjoy yourself? Could there be a personal retreat in your near future? How could you enjoy yourself this weekend where ever you are? What parts of yourself might you invite along?