tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87967720803096777922024-03-13T23:18:34.484-07:00mindbodylifespiritI blog about integrating body mind and spirit in my life. I am a psychotherapist, yoga teacher, laughter yoga leader and student of life.Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.comBlogger410125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-86885556395894643052024-03-01T18:55:00.000-08:002024-03-04T09:37:03.377-08:00We Are All One<p> We Are All One- Lyrics of first verse</p><p>When I look into your eyes I see who I am. When I look into your eyes I know who I am. When I look into your eyes, my heart opens wide. When I look into your eyes my judgements subside. And I see and I know, We are all one. Black and White Rich and Poor Left and Right Old and Young We are All One.</p><p>Songs come through me. They have since I was a little girl. My pre-school report card said, Andie sings and makes up songs. As an adult, during the process of losing most of my hearing, it became less and less possible for me to listen to music. Music sounded like pots banging together.</p><p>After receiving my cochlear implant and after hours and hours of practice, music began to be a pleasurable experience again. I began to sing every day and the song We Are All One bubbled up. I am so grateful that my implant gave me back my music.</p><p>For the past two years I have been practicing with a meditation sangha or community in the tradition of Thict Naht Hahn. His concept of inter-being means the connection of all living things. Inter-being was really an inspiration to me and is reflected in my song. I sang my song on my birthday at my sangha and shared it with the community. Then there was an arts night where people shared their original creations and I sang my song again.</p><p>John Bickham, who is a member of my sangha and a superb musician, asked me if he could put my song to music. I am an untrained singer and can barely read music. I was thrilled at his offer. I got to record my song in his studio and then he created the beautiful soundtrack which enhanced the song immeasurably. I am so grateful to John. John and his wife Rita also did the lovely backup vocals for my song.</p><p>The next step was posting the song on Facebook and YouTube. My daughter Monnya and I painted pictures for the video and she created the visuals for the video using our artwork. She did a wonderful job. </p><p>We posted the song on Valentine’s Day. It is my gift of Love to the world. My vision is to spread the message of we are all one to the world.</p><p>Please help me to spread the message by going to YouTube and searching for We Are All One by Andrea Silver and sharing my song with whoever you think would benefit from it. Thank you, I am grateful for the opportunity to create this song and share its message. We Are All One.</p><p><br /></p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-12283439281344973152024-01-20T18:11:00.000-08:002024-01-20T18:11:17.845-08:00Interspecies connection- the fly and I<p> Hello, I’m not sure how to write about this. Here goes. A few nights ago I was in the middle of a class and I noticed a fly on my living room floor on its back struggling to turn over. Upon closer observation I could see that one leg and one wing were different from the other leg and wing. The fly struggled and struggled and was unable to move from its back to its front and move away. As I watched I thought, maybe I could help. </p><p>I remembered the story of the boy watching a butterfly struggle to get out of its cocoon. After a while he decided to help. Part of the butterfly’s transformation was the struggle to break through from the cocoon to emerge and fly away. The boy helped the butterfly get out and it immediately died as it emerged.</p><p>So I watched for a long time rooting for the fly to turn over on its own. I felt connected to the fly and its perseverance was inspiring to me. I then decided to try and help not knowing if my help would even be helpful. With the arm of my glasses I gently turned the fly over. He or she began to move. What a triumph! Then in a few seconds she/he was back on her back and struggling to turn back over again. I am going to use they as a pronoun. I think they would have liked that. By now the fly’s journey had my complete attention and we completed our ritual many more times. I would turn them over and they would begin to walk and then they would be flipped over back on to their back. I tried to make a little ramp to even out the discrepancies between the leg and wing on one side. That allowed them to stay on their front a little longer. We kept at this for a very long time. The fly’s efforts to right themselves never availed. They didn’t seem to effort any less as time went on. Eventually I knew I had to stop and go to bed. After several failed attempts to let go and leave the fly to its struggles alone, I was finally able to go upstairs and get ready for bed. I was so inspired by the tenacious spirit of the fly.</p><p>In the morning I came down and observed that the fly had ceased moving and was dead. I felt sad and wondered if my helping had prolonged a struggle that would have ended in an easier death. I could make up lots of stories about what I think this fly’s experience might have been. I don’t know how this all works. It got me thinking about life and death and rebirth and how all of life is a mystery and a miracle.</p><p>What I do know is that my experience with this fly changed me. I have always had the belief that we are all interconnected. I don’t know that I would have included flies before. Later that day I held a little service for the fly and asked how it wanted me to dispose of its body. Intuitively I felt that it wanted to be composted and that’s what I did. Who knows where that information came from? I have thought about the fly fondly many times since I put them in the compost. This experience of interspecies connection was very strong and I am grateful. Have you had similar personal experiences?</p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-1590605369951931772023-08-26T21:04:00.000-07:002023-08-26T21:04:25.781-07:00The paralysis of samskara<p> I was doing Qi Gong the other day with my friend and teacher Satya. She led us in a movement called Stepping out of Samskara. This level of Qi Gong is called medical qi gong and each group of three movements is designed to address a medical condition. Stepping out of samskara was part of a group of movements designed to address paralysis from an accident. She suggested that we send the energy of the movements to someone who had experienced paralysis from an accident if we hadn’t experienced that ourselves. That made me think. I think of Samskara as conditioning or our personality strategy or our small self. It’s who we are when we forget our divine self. </p><p>I believe we are two selves. Our divine self or spirit or universal energy or essence in the Enneagram. It means all of who we are and all of what we could be. This unified self is available to us and always with us even when we forget all of who we really are. When we forget all of who we are and rely on the personality strategies or patterns or formations we have developed to survive in our families of origin, that could be called small self. Big Self is the unified self that includes the small self and is more than that.</p><p>So doing Qi gong it came to me that samskara is paralysis. The paralysis of samskara. This paralysis is from an accident. The accident of thinking we are less than who we truly are. Stepping out of samskara means recognizing the mistake we make when we think we Are only our egos. I know I have an ego or personality self and that part of me can be running the show. I recognize the futility of working on my personality with my personality. That’s when I know I need to ask for help from Big Self. That is, for me, what prayer is. </p><p>When I recognize the paralysis of samskara I want to be kind to myself. I might be certain there is something wrong with me or that I am a loser or lost in blaming myself or someone else. Judging myself for my accidental paralysis into my conditioning is two steps away from connection with my higher self. Big Self loves all of me unconditionally and that is the movement I am seeking. </p><p>I ask for help from all of who I am. Please help me. I am then more able to recognize and validate what I am feeling and comfort myself. Please help me to accept myself as I am. Please help me to chose the perspective that represents kindness to myself and others. Please help me to find a smile, find the good, focus on the bigger picture. Often what comes to me is a release from taking things so personally and a deeper understanding of my part of what’s been going on that is troubling me. I can move out of automatic pilot and make choices that reflect clear thinking.</p><p>What if another way to look at the paralysis of samskara is when the prefrontal cortex or reasoning brain is taken over by the amygdala or fight flight or freeze response. You could say we flip our lids. We are frozen or paralyzed into a reaction that doesn’t involve clear thinking. According to neuroscience, it takes seven seconds or three deep breaths to reengage the prefrontal cortex. Three deep breaths to remember who we really are. In that way the reasoning brain is a pathway to the expansiveness of the divine self or Big Self. Three deep breaths to ask for help. </p><p>Big Self includes it all. When I am more identified with Big Self, usually after asking for help, I can feel more connected to my own body and more present. From that place I can more clearly get the sense that all living things are interconnected. The paralysis of samskara can be a vehicle for me to move beyond it. I can embrace the paralysis of samskara as a pathway to open up to all of who I am. I can recognize that the paralysis or stuckness I feel is an accident. I can recognize my mistake and ask for help. I can move beyond paralysis by embracing my paralyzed self. Please help me to remember who I can be in the midst of my forgetting. May we all learn and grow more and more each day into all of who we are. </p><p>Thank you for listening.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-23807343621369616062023-07-17T20:09:00.001-07:002023-07-17T20:09:37.250-07:00On Wednesday I Heard Birds<p> My Cochlear implant activation was on June 5 about 6 weeks ago. Since then a miraculous world has opened up for me. Last Wednesday I heard birds for the first time in twenty years. What a thrill to begin to hear their sweet music. There is a small meditation bell that gets rung at my meditation group when we do meditation walking outside. I heard it for the first time two weeks ago. Pleasure and recognition flowed through my body.</p><p> I was really lucky in that I could understand speech from the time my devise was activated. That is not true with every recipient. My surgeon and my audiologist are both very skillful. Everyone at Cochlear, where I got my devise, have been so supportive and helpful. The resources and the people they provide have been invaluable.</p><p> I have worked really hard doing hearing therapy every day. The gradually more difficult exercises are designed to teach me to hear with my devise better and better. I can now listen to podcasts. It is thrilling to me to be able to learn anything I want to as part of my hearing therapy. It is pleasing to be able to do two things at once while listening to a podcast. Before I had to have a video with captions and use lip reading. Certain sounds are still challenging to distinguish. S as in Sally and sh as in Shelley are still difficult. I think my progress is amazing and I am so grateful. I will continue to work hard practicing so that my remarkable brain can get as much support as I can give it in learning this new language. </p><p>The amount of energy I was devoting to trying to understand speech was exhausting for me. I am more relaxed with my clients because I am so much more confident that I will understand what they are saying. I think I am a better therapist now.</p><p>In the beginning everyone sounded like Minny Mouse. The sound was high pitched and mechanical. After a few weeks the pitch dropped and everyone sounded like Mickey Mouse. That was a big improvement. Recently some familiar people sound more like how I remembered them to sound. I am looking forward to that continuing to improve.</p><p>I went to a party for the first time yesterday and it was still very challenging to follow a conversation. I was glad that I could easily hear one person talking. My Cochlear implant doesn’t erase my hearing loss, however it has vastly improved my ability to move through my life and hear.</p><p>I have noticed that my identity is shifting. I have identified myself with my disability for most of my adult life. Every conversation I had I introduced my hearing challenges. I saw myself as a person with a disability. Now that doesn’t feel true. What feels true is I have challenged hearing and it doesn’t define who I am. I am forging a new identity based on the adventure that life has become.</p><p>A lot of creative energy has been freed up now that I’m not efforting to hear so much. I have been writing and drawing and singing more. I even sang a song that I wrote called “ We are all one” at an open Mic.</p><p>Music is my next frontier. It still sounds very much like someone clanging pots together. I want to begin listening to familiar music with printed lyrics to begin my music journey. I have heard that music is the biggest challenge to adjust to and is very doable with lots of practice. That is so encouraging.</p><p>I will close now. I appreciate being able to share my experience with all of you. Thank you for listening.</p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-41610335742931333902023-05-22T20:42:00.004-07:002023-05-24T11:31:11.634-07:00Cochlear Implant- beginning journey<p> I thought I was going to write in my journal tonight and I realized I filled it up last week and don’t have another. So I am writing here. I just experienced Cochlear Implant surgery. I have had challenged hearing for more than thirty five years. I think my hearing loss started at a Sly and the Family Stone rock concert when I was seventeen. I got pushed up against a giant speaker and have had really loud ringing in my ears ever since. I started to lose my hearing in my mid thirties. I got hearing aids in my forties rejected them and then tried again successfully twenty years ago in my fifties. My hearing loss has progressed a great deal in the last year. It is now considered a profound level of hearing loss in both ears. Hearing aids are really helpful and my hearing aid technicians are a combination of mad scientist and angel. I am grateful.</p><p>I have learned to read lips very skillfully and now I rely on lip reading for about 90 percent of my hearing. I am a psychotherapist. My job is perfect for me because I am in a small room with one or two other people staring at their mouths and listening intently. I am extremely blessed that I have gotten to do the work that I love in the midst of my disability. I think my hearing loss has helped me to be more compassionate toward others challenges. As my outer hearing has deteriorated, my inner hearing has developed more and more. I am able to access my intuition through inner listening and have many wise guides. My clients are very patient if I need them to repeat themselves. Holding other people in love through my work for forty years has been one of the greatest gifts of my lifetime.</p><p>My other greatest gift is my daughter. She has had to navigate my hearing loss all of her life. I know it has been challenging for her. She came out from Chicago to be with me for my surgery. I am so lucky to have this talented loving creative evolved being to share my journey with.</p><p>In the last year I have begun to seriously contemplate Cochlear implant surgery. The clarity of my being able to understand speech has gotten steadily worse in the last year. I was struggling in all areas of my life and was mostly unable to understand conversations unless I could read the persons lips. I had withdrawn from almost all socializing and felt more and more isolated. I am very active and my hearing challenges created a great deal of exhaustion. My close people were understanding and I knew communicating with me was getting more difficult for all of them.</p><p>I am so grateful, in a way, that my hearing loss was bad enough that I qualified to be a candidate for a Cochlear implant. In the year before the surgery I interviewed four mentors about their experiences living with the device. Their stories were all different. Each one encouraged me to move forward based on their own positive experiences. After each conversation I felt less and less afraid. I was doing counseling myself as a client and did a lot of work experiencing and releasing my fears. The more I felt my fear the more space there was within me for excitement.</p><p>My surgery was three days ago. I so appreciate that my sister and my daughter were with me. The nurses and the doctors were so helpful. My surgeon was skillful, direct and kind. I was very afraid and closed my eyes and breathed deeply to prepare myself for the surgery. The operation implanting the Cochlear implant into my head took two hours. After coming out of anesthesia I was the most drugged dizzy and nauseous I’ve ever felt. I got to go home and sleep it off for four hours. </p><p>As the days have gone by I am moving very slowly, taking lots of meds, and experimenting with how much or little I can do to keep the nausea, dizziness and pain at bay. I can’t lift anything over ten pounds or bend over for several weeks. After the wound heals in two weeks my Cochlear implant will be activated and I will learn to hear in a whole new way. </p><p>I will write again after the Cochlear Implant activation. Right now I have one hearing aid and lip reading. I am managing well. I feel strong and confident and trust that I will be OK whatever happens. Going through this procedure has taught me a lot about my own capabilities. Going through with surgery has helped me to trust myself and my vibrantly healthy body and how resilient I am. A great deal of self doubt has melted away because now I am on the other side of the operation I was so afraid of for so long. </p><p>Thank you for listening.</p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-45055826731406588562023-02-12T20:26:00.002-08:002023-02-12T20:28:32.577-08:00To fix or not to fix<p>Good evening. I have been thinking about brain science of late. I’d like to share an idea I have about Neuropsychology. To do this I will explain a phenomenon in neuroanatomy. </p><p>If you can imagine or visualize or hold your right hand with the thumb and fingers spread out wide. The thumb represents the amygdala. It is the part of the brain that helps us to survive. It is an ancient part that has protected us from being eaten by saber-toothed tigers. The amygdala creates a reaction of fight, flight or freeze when danger is perceived. The prefrontal cortex is the reasoning brain in charge of higher functions.</p><p>If you imagine or visualize or hold your right hand up in a fist now with your thumb tucked under your fingers. This hand position depicts that the prefrontal cortex or reasoning brain keeps the amygdala contained until it is needed. When a sufficiently stressful situation arises that is perceived as dangerous, the prefrontal cortex moves off of the amygdala. Move or imagine your fingers flipping up off of your thumb leaving the amygdala in charge. You can think of this as flipping your lid. Your reasoning brain is no longer in charge and a more primitive part of our brain the amygdala, supports us in fighting, running or flight, or freezing or playing dead.</p><p>Much has been written about this response. To me it has been very useful in understanding what happens when we are traumatized. Strong feelings elicit strong responses. The following is an idea I have about discerning what to do with strong feelings that arise in us in a situation that isn’t dangerous to our survival now.</p><p> I have noticed when either myself or others experience strong feelings we want to fix them. We are so uncomfortable with strong feelings and unfamiliar with dealing with them that we knee jerk to fix them rather than allow them to be there. There is a sense of urgency to make the feelings go away as quickly as possible. We imagine it is helpful to ourselves or others to talk ourselves or them out of the feelings, invalidate them or minimize them. What if we could learn to wait and sit with the feelings we have in ourselves or when we are with others experiencing strong feelings? What if we could breath and notice our reaction and be with what is? What if this mindfulness could support us in reengaging the prefrontal cortex or reasoning brain. According to what I have read it takes seven seconds to reengage the prefrontal cortex when the amygdala has been activated. That is three deep breaths. What if mindfulness could support us in seeing if perceived danger is really dangerous in the present moment?</p><p> I am proposing an experiment to notice when we want to fight or run away or freeze in a stressful situation that isn’t dangerous to take three deep breathes. Instead of fixing our discomfort with the feeling we actually feel them and notice and wait. See if the act of showing up for yourself with your discomfort instead of fixing allows the feeling to dissipate or lessen. What if fixing feelings is an obstacle to experiencing and releasing them? What if mindfulness, or awareness and acceptance, of strong feelings could support us in having clearer thinking? What if this could lead to healthier relationships with ourselves and others? What if the ability to sit with strong feelings would enable us to develop more self compassion and more compassion for each other? What do you think? </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-631189121549681562022-11-29T21:34:00.001-08:002022-11-29T21:52:52.733-08:00Being<p> While on a five day meditation retreat I had an experience that was deeply moving for me. It feels daunting to communicate clearly what happened and I want to share it with you. At the retreat my intention was to slow down and focus more on being than doing. I was having medium success. I was challenged by how busy my mind was and my familiar tendency to move fast and do a lot.</p><p>On the grounds of the retreat center where the retreat was held was a labyrinth. A labyrinth is an intricate series of circles made of stones that you walk through to the end of. You start on the outside and the path progresses in a winding path toward the center innermost circle where in this labyrinth was an altar. The purpose of walking a labyrinth is for contemplation. Focusing on the path ahead and continuing to walk through the circles of stones can clear the mind of thought. This labyrinth was outside in a beautiful forest. I felt connected to the trees and the sky and the rocks and the earth beneath my feet as I walked. I danced to a rhythm inside myself as I walked. When I got to the center I saw that many people who had come before me had added rocks and different parts of trees to the altar. </p><p>I picked up a large yellow leaf I was drawn to about a foot away and placed it on the altar. As I stood there the wind blew my leaf off of the altar and turned it upside down. On the underside of the leaf someone else had written Being with a black sharpie pen. To me it felt like the universe was giving me the experience that being was as important as doing. I got the chills thinking that someone else had written this message for themselves and then it got passed on to me. It felt like a transmission from the forest through another person. Standing there I felt connected to all there is. I was part of the interconnection of the roots of the trees and the earth and the sky and all the people who had been there before me. In that moment everything seemed to come together and I laughed out loud at the lovely synchronicity that had brought the message of Being to me. </p><p>My delight continued and I smiled broadly and chuckled to myself as I began to walk out of the labyrinth in my dance like style from the inner circle where the altar was. I even skipped for a bit. I made my way through the intricate pathway in ever widening circles of stones to the outside of the labyrinth where the entrance and exit were.</p><p>I felt supported in my quest to open to Being and somehow I knew that I wasn’t doing it wrong to have my busy mind and be exactly who I was doing this retreat how I was doing it. Being has a wide embrace and all of who I am could be included. </p><p>I am grateful. Thank you for listening. Is there anything you would like to include about yourself in the wide embrace of Being that has been challenging for you to include?</p><p><br /></p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-36964789208882055262022-10-12T20:48:00.001-07:002023-05-24T11:43:22.385-07:00Pickleball as an FGO<p> Pickleball is my new passion. I have never played a team sport or seen myself as an athlete. I was in High School before Title 9 mandated equal opportunity sports for girls. Our sports options were cheerleaders or Pom Pom girls, neither of which I had any interest in. My family all skied and I grew up from age 11 skiing every weekend. I chose my first college because they had skiing for PE. I skied for fifty years and stopped after I broke my leg. Lately my exercise activities have been running, biking and hiking. I usually run and bike alone and hike either alone or with one other friend. Learning and teaching yoga have been foundational in my life. Playing a team sport was not even on my radar.</p><p>The idea of trying pickleball came to me because I heard that many seniors really enjoyed it. A close friend had started playing and loved it. I thought, Why not? I’ll check it out. </p><p>Being a beginner at anything is so challenging. Being an awful beginner is even more challenging. Some people seemed to catch on much easier than me. I always felt like the worst one. Most people I played with through local meetups and rec centers were kind and some were helpful. One place I played at, I learned that many of the people played at one of the women’s private pickleball court. I screwed up my courage and asked if they were open to taking new people. The owner of the court said, “Maybe when you are better.” I was crushed. I almost quit and somehow I kept going. I knew by then that it was so valuable to me to stick with pickleball because I really enjoyed it and it gave me an amazing opportunity to work with my inner critic. I understand now that some people who have been playing for a while don’t want to be slowed down by a beginner. I try to be patient and generous with people who are just learning and it is a stretch sometimes.</p><p>I have a very harsh inner critic and pickleball has allowed me to watch it operate in its full glory. I soon learned that saying “You Suck” to myself wasn’t at all helpful and spiraled me into playing worse. The more I was mean to myself, the worse I played. Then as I kept playing and became aware of how berating myself affected my game, I started saying, “ Don’t do that to yourself or You don’t need to do that to yourself” about the criticism. That was basically criticizing myself for criticizing myself. That didn’t work either. </p><p>Accepting myself as I am has been a lifelong challenge in almost all areas of my life. Pickleball is an arena to practice my skills at the game and to practice my self-compassion. I started saying “I love you” to myself after all the shots I wasn’t pleased with, as an exercise in self-compassion. Now, when I say that to myself I mostly believe it. </p><p>I now play two or three times a week. It’s very satisfying to me to notice that practicing really does lead to progress. I’ve also progressed with how I treat myself during the games.</p><p>It’s easier to be kind to myself. I notice the kinder I can be, the more I enjoy myself and the better I play. I now try to remember to say I love you after all of my shots even the ones I feel good about. I have varying results with my games. I can still fall into being frustrated and impatient and feeling badly about myself for how I am playing. I am a slow learner and I guess I still have to be reminded over and over how uncomfortable criticizing myself is and how badly it affects my game. I think the concept of self-acceptance and compassion has been spilling over from pickleball and my meditation practice into more of my life.</p><p>What if I’m actually not a loser? What if it was courageous of me to start playing pickleball as a rank beginner and keep practicing and getting better? I am still sometimes the worst one playing. At least I think so. Sometimes I can tell I am getting better. Sometimes I get feedback from others about a good shot or a good serve. I am surprised and pleased.</p><p>Although I am very competitive, it has been important to me to acknowledge both my teammate and the opposing teammates for good shots. I think my positively acknowledging the other team has modeled it for others. I think I have been able to influence the energy to be more collaborative and more positive. I try to remember that pickle ball is fun. That’s mostly why I love it. It’s fun to play hard and have a satisfying game. What if any game could be a satisfying game if I let it? </p><p>Today I also practiced focusing on three things I feel good about how I played after a day of not playing as well as I would have liked. That seemed like a good practice. Yesterday I was on cloud nine because I thought I played great. I’d like to learn to embrace the ebb and flow and recognize that it would be possible to move beyond good bad right wrong. What if being present with what is, is even available in pickle ball? And in life. I’m going to begin next game to recognize when I am being present with my body and the other players and the flow of the game and acknowledge myself for that. Who knows what heights that will lead me to with my game?</p><p>One of my friends who plays pickleball has said it is her intention to celebrate every shot as a learning opportunity. A worthwhile goal, in my opinion. What if this could be true of life? That we are moving through life to acknowledge the opportunity to learn and grow. All of it is an opportunity to learn and grow. Even learning to work with a harsh inner critic is an opportunity to learn and grow. One of my clients calls challenges that life presents FGOs. It stands for F##king growth opportunity. That makes me smile whenever I think of it. I salute pickleball as my newest FGO. I look forward to continue to grow in my skill in the game and in my sweetness to myself. </p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-87755107104369540242022-08-21T19:02:00.000-07:002022-08-21T19:02:29.780-07:00Navigating a relationship crossroad<p>My partner and I are at a crossroads in our relationship. We’ve been together for almost a year. We are very different people and want some of the same things. The crossroad we are navigating is “Can we accept who the other is without trying to change them? Can we each be ourselves without pretending or abdicating ourselves or hiding out in what’s comfortable and honor our relationship at the same time? What would a relationship based on true acceptance of ourselves and each other look like? Could we enjoy ourselves together more and find more common ground? </p><p>I have had little experience with real acceptance in a romantic relationship before. When I have been in a relationship with a man, I have spent a lot of time in judgement, preoccupied and distracted, even if I only have voiced some of what I am judging the other person about. Ultimately, I am judging myself for doing it wrong by choosing the wrong person again. In the past, my preoccupation with judgement has lead to resentment and being critical on my part, and withdrawal on my partners part. I have hidden a great deal of what I want and need from myself and the other person and been afraid to give voice to my needs.</p><p>My current partner and I have been more honest and more accepting than I have experienced before. We each bring up what we need to clear with each other regularly and both experience feeling closer out of clearing conflict. We are both skilled at deep listening and being genuinely curious about the other’s take. We also practice eye gazing when we first get together, to connect on a deeper level without words. In a few minutes the energy can shift and we can move toward more awareness that we are connected on a deeper level that feels safe and easefull. In this energy we are both aware that we are all one. All of this is precious to me.</p><p>I have always wanted to experience a long term committed relationship and that dream has alluded me. My longest relationship was for ten years with my daughter’s father over thirty years ago. I have many women friends who are in several decades long relationships, some for forty or fifty years. Other people have seemed to master the art of accepting another person for who they are. The ones who have learned to chose each other in the midst of it all, are the ones with seemingly happy marriages. The ones who continue focusing on what’s wrong seem terribly unhappy.</p><p>What does acceptance look like? Can I be curious about acceptance enough to hang in there and see what happens? Can he? There is enough good in our relationship to make it worthwhile for both of us to continue to grow and learn together. There are also some very real challenges we face with how differently we each live our lives and what is important to each of us. Can we allow ourselves to enjoy each other more and find more common ground? Can we find a balance with what we each enjoy doing alone and with others and spending more time together? Is seeing each other twice a week and living in two separate houses working? It is now. What if all there is is now? </p><p>What if in this moment I have enough of what I want? I could continue to ask to be present and explore with curiosity what is available when both of us are choosing each other. I appreciate that we are both willing to embrace each other and our questions.</p><p>I’d like to continue to show up for myself and what I am feeling in my body. I’d like to continue to notice my judgements of myself and of him. I’d like to give intentional airtime to focusing on what is good between us. I’d like to be aware that I have decades of experience being accepting of my close friends and clients. Maybe, I’ll trust myself in knowing I am in the process of applying my wisdom about acceptance with friends and clients, where it is easy for me, to a romantic relationship.</p><p>It is true that each of us will celebrate the other whatever the outcome of this passage is. I treasure that. </p><p><br /></p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-60533956654466539202022-01-19T21:01:00.000-08:002022-01-19T21:01:01.607-08:00Pleasure<p> Tonight I hung out, ate popcorn and watched a movie. I really enjoyed the movie and being with myself. Sometimes it is challenging for me to spend time doing things that seem frivolous or with out purpose.</p><p>This year I have the intention to open to pleasure. Pleasure kind of scares me. I feel so out of control.</p><p>As long as I am practicing all of my disciplines and being the queen of self care my life feels manageable.</p><p>I think for some people, who tend more toward inactivity, more discipline is a worthy intention. For me I notice sometimes that doing all of my disciplines every day can get kind of compulsive and even tyrannical. I miss out on the sweetness of life. My new discipline is to be more spontaneous.</p><p>This week several activities I usually do haven’t worked out. I have had more time to do whatever I want and to even see what that is. What if playing solitaire isn’t a moral crime?</p><p>Tomorrow morning the yoga class I usually attend got changed to virtual because of Covid. This class doesn’t really work for me to do virtually with my hearing challenges. I have a lot of options. I don’t work until 1:00. Usually I would plan out the morning tonight. Instead my plan is to wake up and see what I feel like doing. What if I want to sleep in instead of doing yoga and meditation? What if I want to eat when I’m hungry and not let my intermittent fasting window decide when I eat? What if enjoying myself is my new frontier? </p><p>It’s not like there is no pleasure in my life. Rather it is not what I have focused on. I have focused on growing and learning and I have grown and learned a lot. I think it is time now to begin to shift my focus to include exploring what feels good to me rather than what is missing in myself and in my life.</p><p>I feel excited. What if I let go of my usual all or nothing MO and began to explore what feels good in the midst of practicing my disciplines? What if what changed was the idea that I need to keep active and always doing something to be OK? What if embracing slowing down would give me a chance to better accept myself and my life as it is and to be curious. </p><p>Ah, curiosity. What if I could be more often curious and less often judgemental? What if curiosity would open my heart? What if I could even be curious about being judgemental? What if Self-Compassion involved asking ,what’s this like for me? instead of Why? </p><p>There are a lot of sad and scary things happening in the world right now. The climate emergency is looming, Our political system seems to be stagnated with partisan politics. Hateful things are happening every day. Covid 19 is rapidly spreading right now. All of this is true and its easy to meet it all with despair and numbness.</p><p>Somehow focusing on pleasure seems even more important right now, in the midst of these very challenging times. If I am aware of when I am enjoying myself I have more access to being present with what I am doing. Being more present allows me to think more clearly and have better access to all of my feelings. Better access to all of my feelings and clearer thinking allows me to feel more alive. Feeling more alive allows me to let go of going through the motions and doing things to get them over with so I can move on to the next thing. I want to practice savoring moments more.</p><p>My adventure is deeper awareness and taking the time to notice what feels good and what doesn’t and giving myself the option to chose differently or continue.</p><p>Right now, I am done writing. Thank you for listening. What role does pleasure play in your life?</p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-71257824559322171042021-11-04T20:11:00.000-07:002021-11-04T20:11:33.428-07:00Two Rivers<p> Tonight in a class a woman shared about a dream she had with two rivers. One was turbulent with rushing water and pieces of debris being dragged along with the current. The water was unsettled and muddy.</p><p>The other river was calm and clear and flowed along serenely. The person sharing was in a situation with an unknown outcome. She decided to pause and consider that the two different rivers represented a choice. Her choice wasn’t about which course of action to follow in her decision. Her choice was about which river to choose about her reaction to the decision making process. Would she choose to be in turmoil or serenity about the outcome of her dilemma? She chose to be accepting of whatever the outcome was, knowing she would be OK either way. The calm river to her was the river of letting go of anxiety about the outcome of her situation- trusting that whatever happened would be what happened.</p><p>I got to use the pausing and two rivers concept right after the class. In a new relationship I was feeling neglected. I paused and considered two rivers: The turbulent one was taking the other person’s busyness personally and withdrawing. I knew the other person being temporarily unavailable had nothing to do with me. In the past that hasn’t stopped me from making up a story that I am being abandoned and reacting with anger, either by accusing or withdrawing. When I paused I could see both rivers. The calm river flowed by. It represented trusting my knowing rather than my story. What if I chose the calm river this time? I knew I could be compassionate with myself about my discomfort. I could show up for myself and reassure myself about feeling hurt. I could comfort myself about feeling sad instead of getting mad and believing my old story. I could then be supportive of the other person completing their current stressful report and offer encouragement to keep going because they were almost done. </p><p>I chose the calm river. What a good feeling to deeply know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Pausing before the two rivers was a powerful way to chose anew.</p><p>My favorite quote, which I’ve mentioned before, is by Victor Frankl.</p><p> Freedom is the pause between stimulus and response. </p><p>Reacting with anger or withdrawing in response to imagined abandonment is a patterned response with a lot of history for me. Pausing at the stimulus, which is whatever another is doing that triggers me into my habitual response, allows me to sooth myself and show up for myself about what I am feeling. I can comfort the little girl inside me who felt abandoned by my emotionally unavailable Dad, and let her experience her hurt and anger. I can let her know that she didn’t do anything wrong. I can reassure her that her father was acting distracted and withdrawn because that’s what he did with his own pain. It had nothing to do with her. I could even go back in time to advocate for her with my Dad and let him know that withdrawing emotionally was an unacceptable way to treat a little girl. I could let him know I was taking her home with me where she could be loved in the way she deserved to be. Then I could hold her and let her cry. In this way I could create the shift to begin to heal the past in the present. It’s also important to acknowledge ourselves for choosing the calm river and doing things differently when we do. </p><p>Consider pausing and thinking about those two rivers when you are faced with a dilemma or find yourself poised to react in a habitual way. I think it will even be helpful to me after I’ve reacted in a habitual way and chose the turbulent river, to consider what the calm river might have been. Hopefully I can be accepting of what is and forgiving with myself about reacting habitually. Acceptance and forgiveness allows me to be kinder to myself. Kindness and compassion can help create the spaciousness needed to chose a healthier option in the future. Pausing at the banks of those two rivers can be an opportunity to create change that comes from acceptance. That kind of change feels healthy and sustainable to me.</p><p>Thank you for listening.</p><p> Andrea</p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-41673731171373842322021-08-03T21:24:00.001-07:002021-08-04T11:07:38.141-07:00Motorcycle helmets and vaccinations<p> Last week I had a rude awakening. On a dating site I had two conversations with two men I considered to be intelligent, aware people who weren’t getting vaccinated. I expressed curiosity to both of them about where they were coming from. I told one of them that I didn’t know anyone who hadn’t been vaccinated and had thought previously that people who were choosing not to get vaccinated were from the far right of the political spectrum. Neither of these people fit my stereotype. This person after telling me that he didn’t believe in big pharma and that the government wasn’t to be trusted, said that he didn’t know anyone who was vaccinated. He also said that it didn’t feel good to him to put this vaccine into his body and that he would trust that he wouldn’t get COVID or that he would have a mild case. I was glad I got the chance to be curious and learn. </p><p>I remember when I felt like I was healthy and strong and took great care of myself and would never get COVID, before I got COVID. COVID was my teacher. It taught me to honor the process by which it moved through my body by doing little else besides sleeping for ten days. It taught me to be open to getting a vaccine. I knew clearly the experience of having COVID, although I would say I had a medium case, avoiding hospitalization and death, was not something I was willing to repeat. I was convinced that the science on the effects of the vaccine in no way compared to the effects of having COVID. </p><p>We are all in this together. This virus affects all of us. I read the other day about the difference between motorcycle helmets and a pandemic. If a person chooses not to wear a motorcycle helmet because he feels it interferes with his personal freedom only his own head gets bashed in in the event of an accident. With COVID we are all interconnected and it seems to me that worrying about infringement of individual preferences is superceeded by large numbers of people dying from this virus. I believe vaccinations have been proven to slow the spread of the virus.</p><p>My vision is that over the course of the next few months there will be a realization that we all need to pull together to heal the planet from this virus. The earth is telling us we need to pay attention. What if how we deal with vaccinations is a trial run for how we deal with climate change? I am hoping for people in this country who have decided not to be vaccinated to change their minds in large numbers so we can collectively bring the numbers down of people dying from COVID and begin the larger job of living together in a way that honors Mother Earth and each other. </p><p>Thank you for listening. </p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-75713783090395443322021-05-14T06:35:00.001-07:002021-05-14T08:27:10.569-07:00Introspection<p> Introspection</p><p>Introspection is alive and well within me</p><p>Like a little ant crawling on my skin</p><p>Easy to ignore for more important pursuits.</p><p>Until a sleepless night reminds me</p><p>That I have been avoiding myself.</p><p>“If you won’t listen to me when you are awake</p><p>I will get through to you at 3am.”</p><p>I listen.</p><p>I vow I no longer need to injure myself </p><p>Or get sick to slow down</p><p>And pay attention to myself.</p><p>Being with the experience of mad, sad, scared and glad </p><p>In my body</p><p>Opens the wellspring of joy beneath.</p><p>In this way I can show up for myself gratefully</p><p>And avoid the universe’s escalating reminders of neglect</p><p>A gentle tap</p><p>A little nudge</p><p>A slap</p><p>A punch</p><p>The cosmic two by four.</p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-90411663046368691682021-04-11T19:32:00.002-07:002024-01-20T18:15:13.639-08:00Dating at 71<p>Dating at 71 </p><p>I speak my truth from my heart with more courage and consistency.</p><p>I am more curious and less judgmental.</p><p>I am more willing to set healthy boundaries and keep them.</p><p>I am less desperate to be in a relationship and more content with being alone.</p><p>I am more aware of losing myself in the search and better able to breathe and return to my body in the present moment.</p><p>I am enjoying getting to know people more and learning discernment about what I want and don’t want.</p><p>I am less polite and more direct.</p><p>I am more aware of the importance of being compassionate and kind and treating people respectfully.</p><p>I take rejection less personally and can practice self compassion and comfort myself more easily when I do take rejection personally.</p><p>I know that we are all one and that because we are all connected how I treat others is how I want to be treated.</p><p>I am listening more and talking less.</p><p>I value silence and stillness and have less need to fill pauses.</p><p>I am more confident of my own worth and beauty and of what I have to offer.</p><p>I am learning to be more playful and have more fun.</p><p>I am learning that less is more and that more isn’t always better. </p><p>I am less urgent and more patient and can work with my tendency to jump in too fast and honor the cadence of going slow and trusting what feels right.</p><p>I am aware of my old unmet needs in my relationship with my father growing up and willing to see my present triggers as past hurts and work on them. </p><p>It is easier to get support from trusted friends and resource people and be real about being mad sad scared and glad. </p><p>I am grateful to be more willing to let go of the outcome and show up for myself with whatever I am experiencing. </p><p>Even though dating at 71 is challenging I am learning a lot and appreciate the opportunity to connect with other fellow human beings who are both different and the same as me. </p><p><br /></p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-55265771321175400262020-09-16T11:17:00.166-07:002021-04-11T19:08:22.849-07:00Fishing and Psychotherapy<p> I turned 70 in March and have been practicing as a psychotherapist in private practice for forty years. When people ask me when I will retire, it reminds me of a story. </p><p>There was a fisherman who loved to fish. Every day was satisfying for him even in the midst of all the challenges because he loved his work.</p><p>He worked enough to make enough money to support his family and to spend time with them. He felt very satisfied with his life and was grateful for his good fortune.</p><p>I am going to change this story: Why couldn’t the person fishing in this story be a woman? </p><p>There was a fisherwoman who loved to fish. Everyday was satisfying for her even in the midst of all the challenges because she loved her work.</p><p>She worked enough to make enough money to support her family and to spend time with them. She also found time to take care of herself. She felt very satisfied with her life and was grateful for her good fortune.</p><p>Another fisherwoman said to her, “ Why don’t you work twice as hard for the next twenty years? Then you can buy another boat and hire other people and make more money and buy another boat and hire more people and make even more money. Then you would have enough money to retire and do whatever you want to do.”</p><p>The fisherwoman smiled and said, “Why would I do that when I already do enough of whatever I want to do now?” </p><p><br /></p><p>I love my work. I get to hang out with bright, interesting people who really want to grow and support them in listening to their own inner wisdom. I have always made time more important than money. I have worked enough to support my family, spend time with them and to take care of myself. I am grateful that I am paid well and I can work less than full time. I understand I am very privileged and many other people don’t have that luxury.</p><p>I also have been able to save enough money to be able to work even less now. Now I have more time to be with my partner, see my friends and do all the many things I do to take care of myself. I am grateful.</p><p>I can’t imagine ever completely retiring from the work I love so much. Who know what the future will bring? Right now every person I see is an opportunity to heal and grow for both of us. My work is a spiritual adventure for me. </p><p>The people I work with and I are collaborating together as we support the evolution of consciousness that we are all a part of. This evolution of consciousness unites us all. In my opinion this evolution of the consciousness of all of us is carrying on in the midst of all the challenges we face with Covid-19, saving our democracy anti-racism and the climate crisis. May all of us embrace the love in our hearts and in each others’ hearts. May all of us open to all that we are in body mind life and spirit. Thank you for listening.</p><p><br /></p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-77888979141428831622020-08-15T13:33:00.000-07:002020-08-15T13:33:00.066-07:00Shoulds and wants<p> The Buddha talked about desire and craving. Desire is something you want and is healthy for humans. Cravings are something we think we need to have or do to be OK. A desire would be, I’d like a chocolate cookie. A craving would be, I just had an upsetting phone call and if I can’t get to the refrigerator soon enough, and shove some food in my mouth, I won’t be OK, even though I’m not hungry.</p><p>When I was running I was thinking about what the Buddha said and all the Shoulds I have in my life. I should meditate every day, I should exercise every day, I should make sure that other people are pleased with me, I should always do what I think is expected of me and on and on.</p><p>What if shoulds are craving? If I think I need to do something or not do something to be OK as a person that is a craving. A should is something I think I need to do or not do to be OK. So shoulding on myself is pretending that being OK as a person, is conditional. Not only that but my shoulds can keep me from healthy desire. If I am concerned about what I should do, what I want to do isn’t a consideration. Relying on outside validation or my perception of outside validation (what someone else thinks) in making decisions keeps me from internal validation or what feels right to me.</p><p>So what if the antidote for shoulds is healthy desire? When I tell myself I should do something as if the self worth police have decreed it, I miss out on the opportunity to notice what I actually want or don’t want.</p><p>A friend of mine thought that as a therapist she should work with a very high conflict couple. She made up a story that she shouldn’t let this couple down. She decided it must mean she wasn’t a good enough therapist. When she asked herself what do I want, she realized she wanted to refer the couple to someone who specialized in high conflict couples. Without her shoulds, everyone’s needs could be better met.</p><p>Another friend felt she should give her time she set aside to be with herself to a person who wanted her help to solve a problem. This friend had a pattern of throwing herself under the bus to meet other’s needs. When she asked herself, what do I want? She realized she wanted some time to herself and apologized to the other person for saying she’d call her back and that she trusted her colleagues ability to solve her own problem.</p><p>For me, I have this delicious day all to myself to do whatever I want. There are so many shoulds I could do today. Being what I consider productive is one of them. I should really revisit that on-line class I never finished, today. I have the time? Yes, I do and what do I want?</p><p>In working with a should, I recognize and allow the should to be there. I should finish the on-line class today. It’s a good idea because indeed I do have the time. I pause and be quiet and breathe into the idea. Sometimes a should can transform into a want. Maybe, I’d like to finish the course so how much do I want to do today? However, as I look inside now, the answer is I don’t want to work on the course today at all.I am trusting that someday I will either want to work on the course enough to go back to it or I will eventually let go of it and be OK with that. I am OK whether I finish that course or not. As long as I am shoulding on myself about finishing the course, I am pretending that being OK depends on my doing or not doing my should.</p><p>Do I want to go to sleep when I think I should? Choosing consciously empowers me. Automatic pilot shoulds rob me of conscious choice. Do I wan to stay up reading a novel? Do I have to stay up til I finish it like I think I should or is what I want to finish the chapter and go to sleep? Choices have consequences and conscious choices have conscious consequences. Can I chose to do what I want knowing that choice is a creative experiment?</p><p>I went for a bike ride and I decided to do an experiment to not take water with me and drink before I went. Even though I thought I should take my water bottle, I decided not to. I thought it could mean less stops and a faster smoother ride. Well, it could have, however I was really thirsty. In this way a should transformed into healthy desire. Now I want to take my water bottle when I ride my bike. I notice my energy is behind drinking water more now and I am less likely to forget my water bottle.</p><p>I let my shoulds keep me from expressing myself creatively. Writing or painting or making a card usually loses out to a should. Can I trust that things that need to get done, will get done, if I let myself know what I want and do what I want. I have noticed that washing dishes has become more pleasurable when I let myself want to. Never leave dirty dishes in the sink, my should, has transformed into enjoying playing in warm soapy water and the feeling of satisfaction of a clean kitchen. However, vacuuming has not become a desire yet and my carpet looks as if no one has given it attention in a month, which would be true.</p><p>I think I should have written a deeper blog today. There will always be more shoulds. When I can recognize my shoulds, allow them to be there and then ask myself what do I want?, I can be happier and more satisfied with my life. What I wanted to write was this blog. I am glad I paused and gave myself permission to consider that what I wanted to do is write my blog today. </p><p>I support you in noticing your shoulds and kindly asking yourself, what do I want? Noticing a should allows the space to open to healthy desire. My body appreciates the opportunity to move from the tension in my neck and shoulders that comes with a should to the deeper easier breath that accompanies a want.</p><p>Doing what I want doesn’t come without guilt. Part of what I want is to move from the resentments of doing my shoulds through the guilt of doing what I want (and my fear of disappointing others,) to the eventual peace of knowing that doing what I want supports all of us. When I do what I want, I can better support others genuinely. Thank you for listening.</p>Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-15474203290404476632020-05-05T20:04:00.002-07:002020-05-06T20:28:29.234-07:00The Thriving of the NurturedHello everyone,<br />
It’s been a long time since I wrote. This is my first post of 2020. I just finished participating in a zoom group meditation. Sitting with others is very powerful for me. Tonight I could feel my mind wandering into thought. Noticing my thoughts I could feel the familiar pull of my judgement of myself as a loser meditator with a litany of familiar evidence against myself, as in, “you have been sitting for all these years and you still spend it mostly thinking about stuff. What is wrong with you?”<br />
My favorite quote came to mind, Freedom is the pause between stimulus and response. This quote is by Victor Frankl. It originated out of his experience of being a Jewish prisoner in a Natzi concentration camp during World War 2. Contributing to his survival was the realization that there is a choice to do what we’ve always done on automatic pilot or to pause between the stimulus and our usual response and give ourselves the freedom of looking at our options and choosing something different.<br />
Sometimes when I am up against my own habitual harshness with myself, I dive into proving I am inadequate and flawed. I feel awful and defeated and somehow comfortable. I get to be right.<br />
More and more now, I can use the smugness of being right that there really is something wrong with me and I did it wrong again, to become aware of my body. I recognize that I feel heavy and my body feels tight. I investigate further into the tightness. There is pressure in my belly and my heart feels constricted. I breathe into my torso and notice deep sadness and fear. My belief that there is something wrong with me comes from being a child in a family where my mother’s anger and blame was very scary for me. I learned to blame myself and scramble inside to try and make her happy. Believing I had done something wrong allowed me to avoid feeling the terrifying lack of safety of growing up with unstable adults. My brain rut became blaming myself and desperately looking for what I could do to make things better. My mother’s narcissist raging happened when my father wasn’t home, which was most of the time. Her rage was intermittent enough that I would be lulled into trusting in her caring until the next episode sent shockwaves of self-hate through my body. I learned to mistrust in caring and became hyper focused on my mother’s moods, always hoping to make her happy so she would be the loving mother she could be sometimes and I so needed her to be.<br />
The inconsistency has deeply impacted my ability to relax around others and trust in their love. Uncertainty often leads to high levels of anxiety. When I don’t know what to do I want to pick my nails or overeat. Uncertainty has led me to become a seeker, looking for answers to what makes me and other people react the way we do. I embarked on a lifelong journey of self-discovery in which I have discovered self compassion. I have learned to be the mother of that little girl inside me who lets that little girl know that she didn’t do anything wrong. I can comfort myself and know that it’s safe now to experience and release feelings, and to speak my truth from my heart.<br />
I have learned to pause and reflect and choose the option of curiosity over harshness with myself.<br />
What else could I say to myself right now besides you suck? How about “maybe you don’t suck as<br />
much as you think and could you investigate what you are feeling right now and see what you most<br />
need? Lately my journey has been inspired by Tara Brach’s RAIN process. RAIN stands for:<br />
Recognize<br />
Allow<br />
Investigate<br />
Nurture<br />
So I recognize the harshness and anger toward myself, allow it to be there, and investigate what it<br />
feels like in my body. Usually embracing self-hate moves into the hurt or sadness or fear underneath and I can breathe into experiencing the feeling and show up for myself with nurturing. What does this feeling in my body most need right now? What would nurturing myself look like? Would it help to rest or move my body around or cry and shake or write or call a friend? The harshness transforms into compassion for myself. Self-compassion enables me to be more compassionate toward others. Kindness with myself allows me to be kinder toward others.<br />
I call this post Thriving of the Nurtured. What if our survival necessitates a shift from greed to collaboration? What if thriving comes from learning to take care of ourselves and care for others?<br />
What if we really are all one ? What if our behavior could really reflect that deep inner awareness of the interconnection of all beings?<br />
In the presence of the uncertainty of Covid-19 there is an opportunity to take care of ourselves and<br />
care for others to a greater degree than before. We get to pause and reflect on our familiar busyness and our patterns of basing our sense of self-worth on material success and external validation. We get to say, “What else is there?” and explore slowing down sourcing our own self worth and being kinder to ourselves and to others. Nurturing ourselves and caring for others may lead to the freedom that is the pause between stimulus and response. The Thriving of the Nurtured.<br />
<br />Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-71884358601705463772019-11-08T19:54:00.002-08:002019-11-08T19:56:22.676-08:00Who would you be if your inner critic retired?I recently returned from a four day women’s meditation retreat. The three women leaders created a safe warm holding space for all of us. I felt the tension I carry in my body around pretense dissipating. I could see my familiar habitual pattern of pretending and presenting a certain version of myself to create an image as a option I had the choice to choose or not. The collaborative leadership style modeled by our three leaders set the stage for all of us to trust our embodied feminine intuitive wisdom in each decision that we made. Everything was optional in contrast to more traditionally led structured retreats I have previously attended. All decisions from when to get up to what to eat to how and when to connect with nature became opportunities to mindfully connect with what felt right to me in my body. It was a silent retreat. The leaders spoke and presented instructions, logistics, talks and exercises for us to do in our journals or speaking in pairs. It was winter in the mountains. It was snowy and cold and clear and sunny and gorgeous and toasty warm inside the lodge. We hiked in a silent procession and lay on the rocks in the middle of our hike soaking the sun into our skin.<br />
I love silent retreats because I don’t have to strain to hear anyone. The leaders passed my little microphone that transmits their voices into my hearing aids with such care and compassion. Their kindness brought me to tears as they treated my microphone as a sacred talking stick. When all 25 of us shared at the end the whole group passed my microphone. I was really moved and sobbed gratefully. The love that we all created for each other was palpable, even though most of us were strangers at the start. Women authentically holding each other in curiosity, respect and positive regard is the elixir of the goddess. One talk was about self compassion and we learned about Kilanda Swahara the always broken goddess who knows her own fragility and strength and doesn’t have to pretend to be perfect.<br />
I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to participate in this embodied feminine wisdom celebration. I came away with a deeper sense of my power and my humanity with a renewed faith in my ability to love fully. I felt hopeful about the community we created to practice mindfulness and shared love. It was a joy to watch each woman blossom in her own way from the experience of being seen and heard.<br />
One repeating question we asked each other in pairs was Who would you be if your inner critic retired? The process of contemplating that question inspired this poem.<br />
<br />
Who would you be if your inner critic retired? <br />
<br />
The inner critic is the inner compassionate voice<br />
in the grips of fear.<br />
Embrace the inner critic<br />
Let her bluster and tremble<br />
Hold her in loving kindness<br />
Appreciate her protecting you<br />
Since you were a small child.<br />
Watch her breathe a sigh of relief<br />
And let go into trusting that<br />
You are a grownup now<br />
Who can take care of herself.<br />
She will begin to contemplate retiring,<br />
Content to sit by the river<br />
And sip coconut water.<br />
<br />
by Andrea Silver 10/28/2019<br />
with a bow to Jean, Alice and AliciaAndrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-8993419867022252092019-10-12T19:09:00.002-07:002019-10-12T19:09:54.879-07:00InvitationI haven’t written a blog in a long time. I have been writing poetry again and would like to share a poem. I bow to Oriah Mountain Dreamer whose poem The Invitation has long been my inspiration.<br />
<br />
<br />
Invitation<br />
<br />
Knowing you is inspiring me to buy skirts,<br />
embracing my juicy female spirit.<br />
Being real with you is inspiring me to write poetry<br />
and to speak truth from my heart,<br />
as medicine in support of awakening.<br />
Stretching toward you and setting boundaries<br />
is inspiring me to pay deep attention to myself,<br />
caring for myself and listening to my own needs<br />
as if my life depended upon it,<br />
which, of course, it does.<br />
The past beckons me to abandon myself,<br />
play small and people please.<br />
Instead I choose now.<br />
Shaking with terror and excitement,<br />
I sing in my full voice, dance in the moonlight,<br />
howl at the moon, and invite you to join me.<br />
<br />
Andrea Silver<br />
August 3, 2019Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-2041282460801570292019-02-24T19:49:00.000-08:002019-02-24T19:54:39.502-08:00Kindness to strangersValentine’s day brought these two experiences of the kindness of strangers and I felt hopeful for myself and for humanity.<br />
<br />
1) I was the third car in line waiting at a traffic light at a busy intersection. The driver of car number one gets out of his car and walks back to car number two and talks to the driver. The driver of car number two gets out of his car and motions to me that he will only be a minute. Both drivers push the first car together, the driver steering the car and the other pushing from behind. The first car starts and the first driver jumps in, thanks the second driver and drives off. The second driver walks back to his car looks at me and I give him a thumbs up. He smiles. They were obviously complete strangers and they both risked and made themselves vulnerable for a stranger. The first driver asked for help from a stranger and the second offered help. In these days of road rage both men risked bravely. As I drove off my heart was warmed by their respective courage and generosity.<br />
<br />
2) From there I drove to the grocery store in a light-hearted mood. In line at the check-out I was feeling playful. The person in front of me was buying a few items and ten small wrapped chocolate truffles. I smiled and asked him if he was planning to eat them all. He said no, he was gifting them to others. The cashier, the man buying the truffles and I began to have a nice conversation. When the man was ready to leave he gave the cashier and me both a truffle and said Happy Valentine’s Day. We both thanked him and warmly returned his good wishes. She and I felt connected in our receiving of our gifts. We marveled at his sweet act. Kindness to strangers for no reason is an act of service that ripples out. I later gave my truffle to a friend for dessert. Giving felt as sweet as receiving.<br />
<br />
In her children’s book called Cara’s Kindness former Olympic ice skater Krysti Yamaguchi writes<br />
about a group of animal friends who pass on kindnesses to each other. In the story the kindness<br />
circles back to Cara who gets help finding music to dance her solo ice skating performance from a blind friend who gifted her the song he wrote for her. Cara was the one to be kind in the beginning by teaching a terrified friend to skate. It is my grandson’s favorite book. I love that book because it is wise and gently and playfully passes on the deliciousness of giving and receiving kindness.<br />
<br />
What if every day could be an opportunity to give and receive kindness? Sometimes it’s as simple as giving another attention or receiving a smile and returning it. Sometimes it’s simply saying thank you to a complement. What about acknowledging someone else’s efforts with a “good job”? I am planning to use my creativity to find ways to give and receive kindness in my daily life. Won’t you join me?<br />
<br />
<br />Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-86479682274973208772019-02-15T19:59:00.000-08:002019-02-24T19:58:38.529-08:00Love is your Super PowerMy creative daughter made capes for all my grandsons’ fellow pre-schoolers for Valentine’s Day. They all said, Love is my super power.<br />
What a lovely message for Valentine’s Day. I have been thinking about that message and imagining twenty little boys and girls whizzing around in their lives with that message on their backs.<br />
What if it was true for all of us?<br />
If love is our super power how does that super power show up in our lives? In my life loving myself enough to be authentic and vulnerable about who I really am creates the space and safety for other people to be authentic and vulnerable as well. That is my superpower. Other people can sense that energy in me. I can sense the energy of a person who is willing to be authentic and vulnerable and I am attracted to that energy. Self-acceptance helps my superpower manifest. Harsh judgement impedes my superpower. Judging myself for my harsh judgement is like my kryptonite. Recognizing when I am judging myself and accepting that I am judging is the antidote to the kryptonite. Rocognition and Acceptance of judgement repairs judgement.<br />
When we are children and we feel strong feelings there is often no support for experiencing, expressing and releasing those feelings. At least that was true for me as a child. My parents weren’t skillful about accepting their own strong feelings and therefore coached me by example in learning to suppress mine. Emotion is energy in motion. If the energy of emotion is experienced it can easily be released. When one of my small grandsons is sobbing and my daughter holds him he usually skips off in a matter of minutes. He has discharged the energy of the pain he is feeling by crying and being comforted and the pain has moved. If the pain isn’t released it begins to take up residency in our bodies. Repeated very painful experiences that are suppressed become trauma that is held in our bodies. Research is showing that the pain of trauma creates physical and emotional symptoms. What if giving ourselves more permission to discharge the emotions of mad, sad, glad and scared allows our super power to manifest?<br />
When it’s not safe to feel our feelings we make up stories about ourselves in lieu of releasing them. I’m not lovable, or there’s something wrong with me are two of my favorite stories. As children we turn these stories into strategies to make the world make sense. I’m not good enough or I’m to blame are two stories a lot of people learned to use on themselves to avoid the lonliness and terror of strong feelings felt alone. For instance children often blame themselves for their parents divorcing. If only I was a better girl, my parents wouldn’t have been so mad at each other. This is a common story that becomes a strategy of needing to be perfect for children who blame themselves for their parents divorse. Children who are supported in feeling all of their own strong feelings about their parents divorcing and clearly reassured that the divorse had nothing to do with anything they did can let go of their self-blame stories or maybe not create them in the first place.<br />
When we notice we are judging ourselves or others we can use our super power of love to recognize the judgement, be kind to ourselves and address the authentic feelings we are having underneath the judgement. When I am judging another person it is often that their differences from me scare me. When I can be with myself and ask myself to be willing to embrace my fear and express the energy of it the fear can release and the judgement can dissolve. When I do this work I am often left with a feeling of connection with the person I was judging. Let’s say I am judging someone for having a large body. Looking underneath, I can feel my own fear about having a large body. I can shake or cry and even share that fear with another person, other than the one I am judging. Then I have used my super power to allow myself to feel connected to the person I was judging. I can see that other people experience pain and pleasure too. Other people are suffering and experiencing joy like I am, too.In this way I can use my super power of love to experience the oneness of all beings. Such a gift. I am grateful for my super power of love and I commit to using it to love myself and others. My intention is to support others in knowing that love is the superpower of all of us. What if all of us could don our capes and and take as our mission to use our lives to practice our super power of love and heal ourselves, each other and the planet? What if each of us in our own small and large ways feel good about ourselves for all the ways we manifest love every day? What if that would grow our love to celebrate ourselves for loving in all the ways we do every day? Do you accept this mission? Nod your head and feel your cape shimmer.<br />
<br />Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-50112275697424997522018-07-29T19:37:00.002-07:002018-07-29T19:40:43.593-07:00Slowing downToday, I have been thinking about slowing down. I am aware that when I am rushing I abandon myself. Rushing means not honoring my natural pace and pushing myself into the future. Today I noticed what a habit rushing is and how I rush even when I have the time to slow down. It’s as if my worry thoughts of what could happen on my way to yoga class to make me late, distract me from being present for the drive. I grip the steering wheel in determination to overcome these imagined obstacles that I have made up. What scares me about being present? When I am grounded in my body rather than up in my head worrying, do I even know who I am?<br />
An experiment has evolved where I am returning to myself when I notice my thoughts have run away. This is the experiment of an ongoing meditation practice brought into daily life. It is important when I notice I am rushing to be sweet to myself about noticing. “You’re rushing again! said to myself in an exasperated and inpatient tone can create a spiral of self-criticism. It is also possible to use my awareness of my self-disgusted tone, to bring myself sweetness. “Oh, I get it that you are impatient. It’s OK.” I can use the awareness of rushing to kindly slow myself down. I can notice my breathing and breathe deeper and slower and breathe into my belly. I can also acknowledge myself with great fervor when I notice I am moving through my life or a moment, showing up for myself in the present moment. “Good Job, Andrea!” Ah, so satisfying to give ourselves credit for doing what we say we wanted to do. Also so easy to ignore. Let’s support each other in validating ourselves and each other when we notice a glimmer of accomplishment in the area of going slower and smelling the flowers. Goodness knows it’s easy to dis ourselves mercilessly.<br />
Maybe make a list of all the little ways you have shown up for yourself and been present. Like today I was walking in the park and I took the time to notice the beautiful flowers and the artistry in which they were arranged. I felt grateful for whoever created the landscaping. Why not also feel grateful to the one who was noticing the flowers. “Good job, Andrea!”<br />
Another thing about rushing is there are the times I am rushing because I have to do one more thing before I leave to get somewhere. I have to fold my laundry or empty the dishwasher or answer that text or e-mail right now. Doing so leaves me with not enough time to get where I am going on time let alone in a relaxed manner. One of the people I work with has created this brilliant campaign called,” One less thing”. When she is preparing to go somewhere she deliberately does one less thing before she leaves. As she practices doing one less thing she has noticed that her job which involves a lot of driving from place to place to see clients, has become much more enjoyable. How about in addition to doing one less thing we notice and acknowledge ourselves for doing one less thing by saying good job to ourselves? What if we could even notice ourselves rushing away from ourselves and show up for that? What if the conscious act of showing up for ourselves in the way we would easily show up for a friend, could be seen as miraculous? What if kindly noticing I have abandoned myself to rushing is cause for celebration as I welcome myself back to this moment? This precious moment.Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-61565004496852765002018-04-08T19:45:00.000-07:002018-04-08T19:52:06.977-07:00Creative ExpressionI am feeling joyful tonight. I have the evening to myself. It’s been a really full week and it’s lovely to complete it with some time to myself. While Marc and I were at Shoshoni Yoga Retreat three weeks ago they had an offering called sacred art. One of the available projects was rock painting. During the weekend I had three hours to paint 4 medium size river rocks in a way I felt really good about. Painting the rocks was a meditative experience for me. I was less critical during my creative process and more accepting of what I created. I practiced mindfulness or awareness with acceptance as I let myself flow with the paintings. If I was more tech savvy I would include a picture of my rocks so you could see them. I am excited to have a new art form I felt good about. The more creative I allow myself to be, the more joy I feel in my life. I am grateful that expressing myself creatively is something I value and follow through with doing.<br />
My daughter Monnya is a very creative being. When she and my grandsons were here for Spring break last week she created a garden in my front yard using my statue of Ganesh (the Hindu god of creating and removing obstacles) as a focal point and included my beautiful rocks in it. Koa, my two year old grandson helped her. They created a lasting gift that brings me great joy and let’s me feel close to them whenever I look at my garden. Monnya is a dancer, artist and acrobat and very creative mother to her sons. She has been an inspiration to me about living creatively. I call what she creates, “the Monnya touch”. She brings a flair of creativity to whatever she does, whether it is creating a brunch or making racing car valentines that say Love Wins for Colt, my 4 year old grandson, to bring to pre-school.<br />
I rediscovered my creativity when Monnya was 16 and left home to study classical Indian dance in India. I decided to take a sculpture class to fill the emptiness I felt when she left. Since then creating sculpture pieces has brought me hours of challenge and satisfaction. I have watched myself grow from an obsessively critical sometimes paralyzed sculptor, to a place where I can listen to my sculpture pieces about how they want to be created. In the past, I have made nude sculptures and my current piece asked for clothes. I made her clothes. Her name is Joy Sacred Circle and she’s close to complete now. Maybe writing about Joy will inspire me to work on her soon.<br />
I think it is important for anyone who wants to, to find an outlet to express themselves creatively. The opportunity is to focus on this creative outlet and enter the flow. The flow is a state of mind where the inner critic can go rest on the beach with a cool drink. It can be a timeless space of pure presence where we can lose ourselves as we know ourselves. Creative expression comes in all sorts of forms with varying levels of acceptance of the process and product. The lovely part is that you can’t do it wrong. Writing or cooking or gardening or singing or dancing, creative expression can be anything you let yourself be your own unique you while doing. Acknowledge yourself lavishly for whatever you allow yourself to do creatively merely for the act of doing it at all. Your soul will sing. My soul is singing writing this blog and imagining all of you giving yourselves the time and space to explore your own art forms and grinning. Thank you.Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-51578852192250232552018-02-25T20:32:00.001-08:002018-02-26T18:17:48.600-08:00Re-evaluation CounselingI know I want to write. I have been wanting to write all evening. When I haven’t written for a while I have to push through a lot of fear to write. At first I don’t recognize what I am feeling as fear. It is a voice inside my head that says,” You don’t even know what you want to write about.” That is often true. The desire to write often precedes knowing what I want to write about. It is easy for me to not write when I buy the belief that I need to know what to write about to write. On the other hand, I can challenge that belief and open my I-pad. In doing so, as I am doing now, the next belief emerges. It is the fear that I’m not a good enough writer to write. I am learning to let myself shake to discharge the distress of fear that I am not a good enough writer to write. I am shaking now as I write this and it gets easier to write.<br />
I have been participating in counseling sessions using a structure called Re-evaluation<br />
Counseling or RC for about 8 months. RC sessions involve peer counseling sessions where each person takes a turn and deeply listens to the other and offers support to discharge distress. Distress is created from the time we are born where we weren’t given the support we needed to express the emotions we had from our experiences.<br />
Let’s say when I was a young girl, I fell down and hurt myself and was crying. After a short time of crying and Way before I was done, one of my parents would get uncomfortable and threaten me saying, stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry about. As a young girl this was very confusing. I remember thinking, I have a reason to cry or I wouldn’t be crying. I would stop crying. I learned to interrupt my natural desire to cry to discharge sadness and to shake to discharge fear and to laugh to discharge embarrassment. Distress accumulates in our bodies and new distresses pile on top of old ones. In my RC sessions I am working to allow the counselor to give me the loving attention I need to feel safe enough to discharge distress. It is challenging to trust that being deeply listened to could be so healing. In the past month my partner and I have also become part of a weekly class to learn the theory and practice RC in a group. This process is having the effect of creating more safety in our relationship.<br />
Everyone I know has had the experience of having the natural response to both physical and emotional hurt interrupted. What if it were possible to heal this hurt by finishing the process of expressing natural responses to hurt? What if one effective way was for adults to deeply listen to each other to heal the wounds of childhood? What if by healing early hurts we could create an impact on all the patterns of distress that built on the early hurts? If you watch a young child crying because of a physical or emotional hurt and that child is being listened to, held and spoken to lovingly, in a short time he or she often feels complete and skips off to play. This loving holding environment is a sanctuary adults can recreate.<br />
Because I am a therapist and have been practicing for thirty five years I know the value of good therapy. It has been my joy to support my clients in their healing journeys. I am grateful to have work I love in which I can contribute to the well- being of my clients in body mind and spirit.<br />
It is also gratifying to practice being a peer counselor where I am a humble beginner and other people have more experience than I do. I get to watch masters in action who have encouraged each other to discharge distress patterns for many years.<br />
I practiced RC forty years ago for several years when I was in graduate school. It was life-saving for me to do many sessions a week and helped me to begin to express myself with less self-consciousness, heal my disordered eating and begin to meditate and do yoga. Then I stopped doing RC as I continued to do therapy as a client and continued my clinical social work training.<br />
Now I am back. I appreciate RC and the current opportunity to learn and change and grow. The intention of RC is to help people discharge distress from the past that has accumulated in the present to increase the attention each person has available to be fully present now.<br />
Practicing RC regularly has inspired me to laugh and cry every day on my own also. My body naturally wants to support me in being fully expressed. I cry after I meditate. I think meditation supports my natural discharge process because of the safety of mindfulness, which is awareness with acceptance. Maybe that’s what practicing RC or deep listening is doing. We are creating awareness with acceptance and beaming it on another person. I feel hopeful that the thousands of people who are practicing RC worldwide are making a difference in the safety of our world. I think the resilience and spaciousness that is being created in the RC community is an important contribution to the planet.<br />
Thank you for listening. I love to write and I can be afraid and write, too.Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8796772080309677792.post-73051958218680291662017-10-05T19:43:00.000-07:002017-10-05T20:06:44.290-07:00personality strategiesI recently learned a helpful tool for understanding myself and others. It came from Jonathan Ellerby who leads Althea Center for Engaged Spirituality. He talks about four kinds of people:<br />
Corrector<br />
Protector<br />
Objector<br />
Connector<br />
<br />
Correctors spend a great deal of time and energy noticing what's wrong and letting other people know what they notice whether their critiques and feedback are asked for or not.<br />
Protectors spend a great deal of time and energy protecting other people from what they perceive to be discomfort or pain and suffering whether what they are doing is actually helpful to the other person or not. This style can be a classic enabler at a time when helping another can be disempowering and not helpful.<br />
Objectors disagree with everything and anything, arguing and standing up for the opposite of whatever opinion or idea is being expressed. They may think of themselves as a devil's advocate. However, others may perceive them as being invalidating and insensitive.<br />
We all have all three of these behaviors. Since I read Jonathan's article, I have been noticing all three in myself. Sometimes I am critical of myself and constantly correct what I say or do. I do my correcting with others too. Luckily for them my judgements are mostly kept to myself and not spoken out loud. When I notice I am focusing on being especially critical of myself or my partner I have learned to recognize it as a call for help from myself. Usually being very critical and judgmental lets me know I have abandoned myself and am in need of my own attention. Usually under my judgement is fear. If I can find the fear and comfort myself, my judgements lessen.<br />
I have really noticed the protector this week in my work. I have the idea that I am giving my clients a gift when I run over in sessions. I want them to have extra time so they won't leave in so much pain. After we finish I have watched people run to their cars because they are late to their next appointment. One person bravely told me this week that it is helpful to her when we end on time. She feels safer and more trusting of me. I am grateful for her feedback. This week I have been more aware of ending on time and trusting my clients to finish their processing on their own without me. Being a protector is trying to help in a way that's not helpful.<br />
When I am in the space of being argumentative and objecting to everything that I say or do, that is the objector. I do this much more with myself than others. Some people seem to enjoy going toe to toe with others and dissing everything another says. Several people I know have family members who seem to thrive on disagreement. It seems to me to be an unskillful attempt at connection.<br />
That brings me to the forth style. It is called the connector.<br />
Connectors have awareness of the corrector, protector, and objector in themselves. They have learned to embrace these styles as unskillful attempts at connection and to be forgiving of themselves and work to be more skillful. Connecters understand that we are all one and everything is connected. Their way of relating, although imperfect, comes from the intention of compassion for self and others. By being mindful ( which is awareness with acceptance) of the corrector, protector and objector, in myself, I can ask , what else can I do besides what I am doing to feel connection here? Then I can create a do-over to experiment with a behavior that creates more of a feeling of really being connected to myself and others. Taking care of myself with healthy boundaries would be one example of a more skillful tool for connection. When I am taking care of myself it is easier for me to feel genuine compassion for myself and others. Then the sense of all of us being connected is much stronger and gratitude flows.<br />
What do you think of the usefulness of knowing about these four styles? Can you recognize the corrector, the protector, the objector and the connector in yourself? Can you see expressions of them in others? Knowing about these styles continues to be helpful to me. I am grateful to Jonathan for thinking them up and sharing them so freely. I am grateful to you for reading this blog. Thank you<br />
<br />
<br />Andrea Silver, LCSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17765775400438498969noreply@blogger.com0