Held in Love

My website is almost done . It has been a joy to work with my web designer. It's fun to keep refining this vehicle of expressing what I came here to do.

I have been doing a process with people which I would like to share with you. Read it over and then see if you'd be willing to take some time to relax and do this short process. I thought the holiday weekend might be a good time to share this and if it isn't, I hope you will return to it another time.

Draw your circle around you in the air. This circle, as those of you who have worked with me already know, is a symbol of sacred space. It is made sacred by you bringing yourself your own attention. It also represents an energetic boundary that lets you know where you leave off and other people start. Being in your circle teaches you to protect yourself from the inside with a boundary within which you can keep your heart open so you don't need to shut your heart down and create walls.

Breathe into your body in your circle in full deep breaths. Take about a minute to breathe into your body, paying attention to the full inhalation and exhalation of your breath. Each time you notice your mind wandering off into thought, as minds do,gently and lovingly bring yourself back to the awareness of the full inhalation and exhalation of your breath. (For me, a minute is about twelve breaths.)

Then go down into your body and find the place in you that loves you no matter what. Maybe loving yourself no matter what feels too illusive right now. If it does, see if you can contact the part of you that supports you no matter what or the part that thinks you are OK no matter what. This place may be no bigger than the head of a pin. It doesn't matter. Once you have found that place in your body breathe into it . Spend a minute or so and see what you notice.
Then imagine someone or something holding you in unconditional love as you breathe into the place in you that loves you no matter what.This unconditionally loving being could be a person that you know or don't know, a mountain, an animal, light, warm water, the universe or whatever or whoever shows up today to hold you in love.Breathe into that sense of connecting with the part of you that loves you in your body, while being held in love by your unconditionally loving being for about a minute. Take longer if you want to. As long as you want. See what you notice. Appreciate yourself for doing this exercise whatever your experience was. Write about what you noticed if you want to. If you feel moved to, please send me an e-mail and let me know what you experienced. I would love to hear from you.
One woman got a vision of being held in a giant hammock made up of the goodness of many good people stretched out beneath her. As she breathed she could see their faces and feel their love for her. It was a bouncy hammock that was fun to be in, too. I imagined being held by her hammock. I felt peaceful and loved. Being held in her hammock confirmed to her that we are all one united in love and that these beings are waiting to hold anyone in love who asks to be held. She said it was OK for me to share her experience. I am glad to be able to share it with you. Feel free to ask to use her hammock. It's your hammock, too. Happy Labor Day weekend.

Urban Adventure

My friend Wendy and I went on an urban adventure today. We took the lightrail to meditate 08 for the final session which was a deeksha oneness blessing. There were 7 practitioners working with thirty participants. If you remember, deeksha oneness blessings are laying on of hands to bring the energy of oneness. It was very peaceful and I noticed thoughts would arise and be headed off at the pass before I ran with them. That was very freeing. At the end we sent the energy of oneness out to the planet.
It was a wonderful way to end meditate 08. This was the first time in history that a week long interfaith meditation retreat was held near a political convention. I am excited that I got to participate. It was great to be at the opening and the closing.
On the way back we saw thousands of people on the way to Invesco to hear Barack Obama's acceptance speech. All of the streets and highways were closed off. I tried to figure out where they had all put their cars. When the lightrail train pulled up with people packed like sardines, I realized how they were getting there. The trains going out of downtown were also packed to overflowing with people on their way home from downtown with no other easy way out. The energy was electric. It was so exciting to be in such a large group of people with so much enthusiasm for the political process. There was such a variety of Obama t-shirts. This is an amazing time. After I finally got home there was an interview on NPR about the texting at the speech. The Obama campaign was asking all the people there to text them. By doing so they collect all the cellphone numbers and then ask for people to forward messages of support for Obama to their cellphone networks. The plan was for younger people to teach older people who had never texted before how to do it. I like that this campaign is being led by passionate young people who are more comfortable using technology.
This campaign is revolutionizing politics by using technology to a greater degree than ever before. In this way millions more people can be reached out to than with traditional methods. All of this is very hopeful. I am very much looking forward to seeing Barack Obama accept the nomination and hearing him speak. I am hoping his presence will open people's hearts to him and to the reality of his being our next President.
I am glad I got to be part of the energy of this historic campaign. I am looking forward to participating more between now and November. I loved my urban adventure. Have you had an adventure lately? How about this weekend?

Michelle Obama

I watched the Democratic party convention last night.I loved that they had Michelle Obama's older brother introduce her. It was the first step in getting a picture of Michelle as a person.What better fan than her brother to tell of her accomplishments? Noone expects him to be objective so he can lavishly praise her as a sister and a woman to his heart's content. I enjoyed hearing that she encouraged him to leave his career and return to his passion of teaching and coaching.I was primed to open my heart to Michelle Obama. It was easy. I was very impressed with her speech and the confidence and power with which she delivered it. Her passion for helping people less fortunate than herself shone through her words. I liked her, I respected her, I admired her. She is such a strong person. As her brother Craig said,"I admire her not because of who she's married to but rather for the person she is in her own right."I agree. It is inspiring to me to see a woman who seems so wise and warm and pretty comfortable in her own skin aspiring to become the next first lady.
The relationship between Barack and Michelle seems loving and collaborative. I imagine her influence will be pervasive and sought after by her husband. I loved that the absent Barack and his daughters greeted each other from the stage. It was very cool that the girls had microphones. Although they were probably coached, what they shared was very sweet.A nice touch.After her speech,I felt so hopeful about our country.I really do think that Barack Obama is a different kind of politician. I believe that he genuinely wants to bring the change economically,educationally,ecologically that can make this country a better place to live for all of us. He seems committed to peace and to bringing people together to cooperate to move toward peace. I think he will end the war in Iraq quickly. I know he will have many challenges winning this campaign. I think it is possible. It's my intention to do what I can to make it happen. Where are you with the political process? Would you be willing to take a step forward from wherever you are to become more engaged?

meditate 08

Gary and I went to meditate08 last night and today. A group of people decided that they wanted to hold the space of peace during the democratic convention. They created a lineup of spiritual leaders from forty wisdom traditions to share their practices over six days. The opening ceremony was last night. There were over 300 people there holding a vision of peace. It was very moving to participate in a ceremony that included such diversity. My favorite was a minister whose gospel flavored chant had us all on our feet singing and clapping. Lloyd Burton,one of my mindfulness meditation teachers led us in a silent meditation which brought me to a deeper sense of being present in my body. Joining in silent meditation with such a large group, I felt the energy of our shared intention to bring peace to ourselves and all beings palpable in the room. I was honored to be part of such a group. There was a skilled bamboo flute player whose haunting music spread a feeling of hope throughout my body. The organizers of this event have spent countless hours gathering the presenters and handling logistics. When the two main organizers spoke, they talked about doing all they could to create their vision for the six days and then letting go of the outcome. If we can come together and respectfully honor each othere's paths by listening with an open heart to views which may be different from our own, that seems to be training for being more accepting of others in daily life. That in itself is accomplishing what the organizers hoped to accomplish. They created a space for all of us to practice peace. That is a beautiful thing.The evening ended with Dances of Universal Peace which are chants and dances from many wisdom traditions. It was outside and allowed me to embody what I had heard earlier and to be in nature.
This morning the day opened with laughter yoga. Laughter crosses all boundaries and is such a wonderful way for people to connect. We also experienced a vajrayana buddhist teacher, a vipassana meditation teacher and a native american teacher. Hearing all the passion each person had for their chosen path, I felt very inspired in my practice of my spiritual path. I highly recommend that you check out the schedule on the website http://www.meditate08/ and see if there is something of interest to you. Sharon Saltzberg, one of the three people who brought insite meditation to the west and author of "Lovingkindness" will be speaking on Wednesday from 11:30 to 1. I would love to see her again and I am teaching yoga. I hope someone will go and tell me what your experience was. The event ends on Thursday afternoon with a deeksha oneness blessing with five deeksha practitioners.

Principle of negative magnetism

When I was riding my bike tonight I was wondering what I would write about when I got home. One reason I love writing on this blog is that is supports me in integrating what I learn. I get to go over what I was moved by or found useful and share it with you. In doing that I get a fresh perspective on the original experience. I highly recommend writing as a theraputic tool to integrate experience. I began writing in a diary when I was eight years old. For fifty years I have found writing in a journal to be like confiding in a dear friend. I have kept them all in a closet in my bedroom. For years I would go back and read part of one and come away feeling that I was still so much the same and also very different. I haven't read one in a long time. I wonder why I am keeping them? It is a comfort and a discomfort that I have a record of my life. One journal is filled with the affirmation I, Andrea, weigh 110 pounds. It is useful to remember how much of my early adulthood was consumed with trying to get my body to be thinner. Eventually I realized that hating my thighs would not make them smaller and I began to accept my body as it was. Then I began to be able to lose weight. That is a good thing to remember. Resistance to what is, is an impediment to change. Only when I am willing to open to accepting what is, is there space for change. It's the principle of negative magnetism of the universe. When I think I need something to be OK (like thinner thighs) I can't have it because if I got thinner thighs I would think I was OK because of my thin thighs. The universe wants me to know that I am OK because I am me not because of what I have. How does the principle of negative magnetism of the universe operate for me now? What do I think I need in order to be OK? Clarity about my relationship. It makes sense that I can't have it because I think I need it to be OK. What if I was OK whether I am clear about my relationship or not? It occurs to me that I am OK regardless of how I feel about my relationship. The way I think I should feel is always something different from what I am feeling.
What if my being OK has nothing to do with my relationship at all? What a novel idea. What do you think you need to have or be or do in order to be OK?
Would it be useful to challenge that belief? How about writing about it?

mistake

On Sunday I wrote about paying more attention to my choices when I am with Gary. Yesterday he spontaneously came down for the afternoon and evening and it wasn't until the end of the individual balance beam finals that I realized I had forgotten to write on my blog. After a few minutes of feeling badly I decided I was still a good person and that spacing out writing on my blog could be included in that. Things are always O.K. as long as my definition of OK is very broad. I decided to go to sleep instead. It's funny how I can make up rules for myself and then when I break them I feel badly. As I've said before, intentions seem to be more useful than rules. Rules are more about right and wrong and good and bad. Intentions are about what I would like to have happen. Intentions include doing my part to make them happen and having compassion for myself when I don't.

Compassion for ourselves gives rise to the power to transform resentment into forgiveness, hatred into friendliness, and fear into respect for all beings. Jack Kornfield

I printed out this quote today from www.livingcompassion.org. I wasn't sure where I would use it and I liked it. It's amazing how the events of my day intersect to form this blog. I don't believe in coincidence anymore, rather in synchronicity( and the opportunity to learn how to spell hard words like synchronicity-which wasn't in my dictionary) There is a flow of the universe that brings me information and experiences that I write about on this blog. Thanks for reading what I write. I do notice that when I am willing to be more compassionate toward myself, it is easier to be accepting of others' foibles. Someone told me that an original meaning of error is "missing the mark," and comes from archery. If making a mistake is no more than taking aim and missing that seems pretty easy to forgive? It isn't that we didn't intend to hit the target it's just that we miscalculated the distance and the phychics of the bow and arrow. Mistakes are designed to teach us as much as being on target. When someone is walking on a balance beam and falls off, the falling off is as much a part of the process as the getting back on and continuing. Even when gold medals are at stake. Even when the gold stars we would like to give ourselves for being perfectly what we expect ourselves to be are at stake. I once got the assignment to burn my toast on purpoe to get to experience making a mistake and accepting that mistake. I think it was quite satisfying. Is there a mistake you could make on purpose? Is there a mistake you didn't make on purpose that you could forgive yourself for?

Choices

Gary has been at a folk music festival all weekend and I have had this delicious weekend all to myself. It has been so much fun to be home and do whatever I want. I have spent time reading and catching up with friends. I have had plenty of time to do yoga and meditate and exercise. I am so happy when I get to do all of the things I love to do. I also attended a yoga class, went to an afternoon PSYCH-K practice session and finished writing the copy for my new web site. Now I am writing in here. I feel full and nourished. The question is, how to be in a relationship and have this relaxed feeling of well-being with another person? That other person is different than me and likes to do very different things. I want to learn how to do more of what feeds my soul when I am with him. He isn't stopping me. We only see each other on the weekends. When I do the things we like to do together there seems to be a scarcity of time left to do my own things if he doesn't want to share in them. I think I have to be more willing to do them anyway. Otherwise I am resentful and not much fun to be with. With practice we have finally learned to hike or walk together. I like to go fast to get exercise and he likes to go slower and stop to look at things. In the beginning after the initial stage of pretending we liked the same things, we would try to walk at the same pace and I would be impatient and pushy and he would feel rushed and grumbly.Now I go ahead and head back to check in with him after a while and then when I have expended enough energy we walk together. The next step is to go for a walk or a hike even when he doesn't want to.
I am getting better at doing my yoga practice in the mornings. We begin meditation together and I continue as he does something else. As I write this I am feeling blessed to have a partner who supports me in doing what I want to do and is so much at home doing things by himself. We share a lot of common interests and we don't. I think that is good. I used to think I wanted a male me.
I have realized that would be way too intense. There would be noone to provide the calm steadiness and the grounding in the material world that Gary brings to our relationship. We have recently started studying with a spiritual teacher together. It has always been my dream to share my spiritual path with my partner.
He does it his way, which is different than mine. When I let myself be open to it, I can learn from his way.
Writing this blog always helps me get clearer about whatever I am writing about. I feel clearer about treasuring the time I spent alone this weekend and knowing that the weekends I spend with Gary will be different. There needs to be a balance between doing only what I want to do and doing only what he wants to do. Peace is somewhere between resentment and guilt. Maybe the sense of well-being comes from seeing my choices as good enough whatever they are. If I am always judging myself or him because I think I should've done something different, it keeps me from being present. Maybe being present with what is and noticing what's next would be a better choice? Do you notice challenges with judging your choices? Would you be willing to cut yourself a little slack? What would cutting yourself slack look like in terms of this past weekend?