Since I sent out my new website to my e-mail list I have had an outpouring of support. It feels so good to acknowledge the caring, positive messages. One good reason to reach out to people is to remember how much I am cared about. What good is a support system if I don't use it for support. Isn't that the point?
Reaching out for support is a stretch. When I need support about something I am challenged by it is easy to minimize it or to decide that my friends are too busy. I can make up lots of stories about how what I want to share isn't important and I should figure it out myself. Then I tell myself that my friends are tired of hearing my same old story. The ego is very wiley about convincing us we are alone and separate. Reaching out to a trusted friend for help often deepens the relationship. The people I feel closest to are the ones who are the most real with me. The ones who say they are fine all the time aren't the one I feel safe sharing with when I am not feeling fine. My closest friends are people I can share my joys and sorrows with knowing they will do the same. Support is mutual interdependance. That is a good thing,
There is a difference between venting to gossip or create validation for a position and support. Let's say I am preparing to speak to my sister about a conflictual issue. I can share this preparation with a friend, letting the friend know what my intention is. My intention is to get support in clearing the way to be closer to my sister. That isn't triangulation. Triangulation is one person talking about a second person to a third person when the communicatiion is indirect and not intended as preparation for direct communication. In a lot of families noone talks to each other directly and all communication goes on through triangulation. It's like a giant game of telephone. Sometimes it is so common in families that people don't even know they haven't talked to the person directly and accept triangulation as a substitue for a relationship. They haven't talked to their cousin Edie but have heard about her from their mother. In a way triangulation actually prevents direct communication in families. Is there someone in your family or a friend you have been wanting to reach out to? Is there a venue you've been wanting to check out as a possible way to expand your support system?
I am grateful for the support I have in my life. It is a joy to share my new website and feel that support so strongly.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
website
The enneagram, as many of you know, can be used as a psycho-spiritual map of nine personality types. Hurley and Donson, two local enneagram teachers, created a system of three centers and the enneagram. The three centers are thinking ,feeling and doing. Each point on the enneagram overuses one of these, is supported in this overusing by another of these and represses the third one of these. I resonate most with point four which is called the Tragic Romantic or the Individualist or the Artist depending on whose book you are reading. I use the numbers one through nine because that is simpler than the names. The four, for example overuses feelings, is supported in that overusing by thinking and represses doing. That means I hang around thinking about my feelings a lot and am challenged by doing. A seven in the enneagram overuses doing, is supported in their overdoing by thinking and represses feeling. Sevens spend their time doing and thinking about their doing and are challenged by feelings.
I often say that my thinking to doing time is quite long. So, several years ago I decided it would be a good idea for me to have a website. Last November I decided I wanted to have a website. I have learned to cut myself a lot of slack, setting reasonable goals that take into consideration that doing is challenging. I set the goal of having a website by December of 2008. On my last trip to Valley View Hot Springs in July I met Mike Blevins, a web designer.
I liked him a lot. It is important to me to do business with people whom I feel
good about working with. Otherwise it doesn't work. He did a great job and I highly recommend him. He was patient,creative, listened well and was willing to work with me to create a beautiful website.http://www.passingimage.com/ I think we both spent way more time and energy than we thought it would take and the result is well worth it. It was a major doing project for me to get clear about how best to express what I do. Mike is also a really good photographer. Gary, my partner, designed the logo, which is such a whimsical expression of being in sacred circle held in love. He was helpful all along the way. My friends Smokey and Graham looked over the site and gave really good suggestions. I appreciate all of the great help. My website is now complete and I am really happy to let people know about all of the work I so love to do. Please check it out at www.andreasilver.net and let me know what you think. I am excited to share it with you.
So, as you look at thinking, feeling and doing, what center do you overuse, which one supports that overusing and which one do you repress? What could be a goal to bring your repressed center more into balance?
I often say that my thinking to doing time is quite long. So, several years ago I decided it would be a good idea for me to have a website. Last November I decided I wanted to have a website. I have learned to cut myself a lot of slack, setting reasonable goals that take into consideration that doing is challenging. I set the goal of having a website by December of 2008. On my last trip to Valley View Hot Springs in July I met Mike Blevins, a web designer.
I liked him a lot. It is important to me to do business with people whom I feel
good about working with. Otherwise it doesn't work. He did a great job and I highly recommend him. He was patient,creative, listened well and was willing to work with me to create a beautiful website.http://www.passingimage.com/ I think we both spent way more time and energy than we thought it would take and the result is well worth it. It was a major doing project for me to get clear about how best to express what I do. Mike is also a really good photographer. Gary, my partner, designed the logo, which is such a whimsical expression of being in sacred circle held in love. He was helpful all along the way. My friends Smokey and Graham looked over the site and gave really good suggestions. I appreciate all of the great help. My website is now complete and I am really happy to let people know about all of the work I so love to do. Please check it out at www.andreasilver.net and let me know what you think. I am excited to share it with you.
So, as you look at thinking, feeling and doing, what center do you overuse, which one supports that overusing and which one do you repress? What could be a goal to bring your repressed center more into balance?
Friday, October 10, 2008
live fully, die suddenly
I did a Laughter Yoga presentation today for 150 seniors at the Senior Resource Day sponsored by the Arapahoe County Council on Aging. The event was free and open to the public. People were sitting in rows and I was nervous about how to do laughter yoga when the participants didn't have room to move around. I have done laughter yoga with seniors many times with people in independant living and assisted living and found them to be very receptive. These seniors were active people living on their own. Younger people were sprinkled throughout the audience, too. It was a hoot.
At the beginning when I looked out at the sea of faces, I had to remind myself to breathe because I was so scared. As I relaxed and got into the presentation I entered the flow where I'm not self-conscious anymore. I'm no longer thinking about what they might be thinking of me. My focus is on creating the opportunity for adults to laugh about nothing, let go of their tension and seriousness and relax and enjoy themselves by being silly and playful. It feels natural, meaningful and satisfying to be leading Laughter Yoga. Talking in front of groups has always been terrifying for me.
This fear is healing each time I present. I am grateful. I feel blessed to have three forms of work that balance each other so well: counseling and mentoring, hatha yoga and laughter yoga.
The man who presented after me talked about exercise and aging and was humorous and informative. He presented an idea that really resonated with me. It was to live life fully and die suddenly. I would love to continue living my life fully and to keep growing and changing as I age. I would love to grow in acceptance of myself and others and keep opening to ways to make a difference in the world. I would like to live for a long time.Then I would like to die suddenly and peacefully without a prolonged disease process. I wonder how much any of us has to say about how we die? I certainly don't know.We definitely have a lot to say about how we live. How are you living? Would you be willing to acknowledge some of the ways you are living more fully than you did before, however small or large they may be?
At the beginning when I looked out at the sea of faces, I had to remind myself to breathe because I was so scared. As I relaxed and got into the presentation I entered the flow where I'm not self-conscious anymore. I'm no longer thinking about what they might be thinking of me. My focus is on creating the opportunity for adults to laugh about nothing, let go of their tension and seriousness and relax and enjoy themselves by being silly and playful. It feels natural, meaningful and satisfying to be leading Laughter Yoga. Talking in front of groups has always been terrifying for me.
This fear is healing each time I present. I am grateful. I feel blessed to have three forms of work that balance each other so well: counseling and mentoring, hatha yoga and laughter yoga.
The man who presented after me talked about exercise and aging and was humorous and informative. He presented an idea that really resonated with me. It was to live life fully and die suddenly. I would love to continue living my life fully and to keep growing and changing as I age. I would love to grow in acceptance of myself and others and keep opening to ways to make a difference in the world. I would like to live for a long time.Then I would like to die suddenly and peacefully without a prolonged disease process. I wonder how much any of us has to say about how we die? I certainly don't know.We definitely have a lot to say about how we live. How are you living? Would you be willing to acknowledge some of the ways you are living more fully than you did before, however small or large they may be?
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
So Anyone May Eat
Today I went to a restaurant that a yoga teacher colleague told me about. It is on Colfax and Race so I could walk from the yoga studio after teaching my class. It's called SAME. That stands for so anyone may eat. It is a donation based eatery. You eat their delicious organic vegetarian fare and pay whatever you chose to pay. The people who work there are all volunteers. You can also work for an hour to pay for a meal. It was exciting to see a group of people who have a dream bringing it to reality. Because I was so busy eating I didn't find out who this group is. The people working there were very warm and generous. This adventure was a gift to myself. When I heard about it on Saturday I thought, That would be fun to take myself there after class. I put it on my calendar. Another teacher asked me to help her with a project she is doing for the studio today after my class.
Sometimes I erase myself from my schedule if I think someone else needs me more. Instead I told her about the adventure I had planned and that I would be glad to help her afterwards. I invited her to come with me. She chose to stay and work on the project. I felt a little guilty because what I was chosing to do instead wasn't an appointment with someone or even a task on my to do list. In this culture it is rare that a person says they can't do something because they want the time for themselves.
I do know of some rare progressive work places where you can say you want the day for yourself and that is acceptable. The people I feel the safest with are the ones I can say, "Thanks for inviting me. I'd like to and I really want the time to myself. "
After I walked to my adventure, ate and walked back I helped with the project. Seva means service. Because I took the time to do something I planned to do for myself, doing seva for the studio was easy and fun. In the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, she talks about making an artist's date with yourself on a regular basis. Her idea is to create an activity that supports you as an artist like taking yourself to the art museum. I am interested in continuing to make dates with myself. Does this sound appealing to you? Is there an adventure you'd like to take yourself on? Maybe there's something you want to do that you've been waiting to find someone else to do it with.
Why not do it and enjoy your own company? Let yourself know what a cool person you are to hang out with.
Sometimes I erase myself from my schedule if I think someone else needs me more. Instead I told her about the adventure I had planned and that I would be glad to help her afterwards. I invited her to come with me. She chose to stay and work on the project. I felt a little guilty because what I was chosing to do instead wasn't an appointment with someone or even a task on my to do list. In this culture it is rare that a person says they can't do something because they want the time for themselves.
I do know of some rare progressive work places where you can say you want the day for yourself and that is acceptable. The people I feel the safest with are the ones I can say, "Thanks for inviting me. I'd like to and I really want the time to myself. "
After I walked to my adventure, ate and walked back I helped with the project. Seva means service. Because I took the time to do something I planned to do for myself, doing seva for the studio was easy and fun. In the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, she talks about making an artist's date with yourself on a regular basis. Her idea is to create an activity that supports you as an artist like taking yourself to the art museum. I am interested in continuing to make dates with myself. Does this sound appealing to you? Is there an adventure you'd like to take yourself on? Maybe there's something you want to do that you've been waiting to find someone else to do it with.
Why not do it and enjoy your own company? Let yourself know what a cool person you are to hang out with.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Basic goodness
So how do you work with the ego? How do you begin to discern your own voice of fear and separation that lets you know you suck or don't quite measure up or that you're not good enough? First of all it is helpful to do an inventory. When do you hear your critical voice? Is there any kind of a pattern? Whose voice do you hear? Do you actually hear a voice or is it more of a gut feeling that lets you know you aren't OK? Do you feel shame or guilt? Then it is useful to look for a core belief. What sentence does your inner judge use most often to let you know of your shortcomings? For me is is that I should be feeling something different than what I am feeling. Or a variation is that I should be doing something different than what I am doing. Basically it is that I am doing it wrong whatever it is. Underneath that is the belief that there is something wrong with me. What my inner critic tells me is wrong with me is that I don't know how to truely love. I used to say that when the quality for unselfish loving was passed out I was in the bathroom. I stopped saying that because that kind of a joke really isn't really funny and validates my fears.
So, how do I work with the ego? I have had a lot of practice lately because my ego has been really lous and insistent. The first step is awareness. Recognizing when I am judging myself and saying something to acknowledge that. Sometimes I say"Ego". I used to say," thank you for sharing" because it was amusing. I also tried "f--- offf" for a while but using aggression to counter aggression went against my values and didn't seem effective. My ego is also way better at arguing than I am so I don't try to argue anymore. After I can recognize that I am being attacked by my ego what helps the most is coming back to my circle and asking for help in remembering I am lovable just as I am. When I remember to breathe into my body in my circle and let myself feel held in love I often can disengage from my ego. Realizing that the self-hate is itself a messenger of an ego attack lets me know I am more than self-hate. Noticing I am hating myself and being kind to myself allows me to witness my harsh judgement. The alternative is to notice I am judging myself and judge myself for judging myself. That is two steps away from self-love. All is not lost though. Awareness can happen no matter howmany steps way we are from holding ourselves kindly. Remembering our basic goodness beyond the particular ego story is also useful. It also helps to remind myself what I would say to a child who approached me feeling self-hate. In my wildest dreams I wouldn't say,"buck up and get over it". I would say, "I can understand how you would feel that way
and move toward the child lovingly with words or touch." When I offer that to myself, it lets me know that I do know how to truely love and am lovable just as I am.
My suggestion is to begin to investigate how your ego addresses you and how you react to it. Appreciate yourself for doing this courageous work. If you've already begun this process acknowledge yourself for that. Hold yourself in love for your basic goodness. This goodness comes from being a human being regardless of what you do. Hold yourself or ask for help in holding yourself from an unconditionally loving being of your choice. When we are present in our bodies breathing into our own basic goodness, the ego , whose messages are based on the past and the future, has to take a time-out.
So, how do I work with the ego? I have had a lot of practice lately because my ego has been really lous and insistent. The first step is awareness. Recognizing when I am judging myself and saying something to acknowledge that. Sometimes I say"Ego". I used to say," thank you for sharing" because it was amusing. I also tried "f--- offf" for a while but using aggression to counter aggression went against my values and didn't seem effective. My ego is also way better at arguing than I am so I don't try to argue anymore. After I can recognize that I am being attacked by my ego what helps the most is coming back to my circle and asking for help in remembering I am lovable just as I am. When I remember to breathe into my body in my circle and let myself feel held in love I often can disengage from my ego. Realizing that the self-hate is itself a messenger of an ego attack lets me know I am more than self-hate. Noticing I am hating myself and being kind to myself allows me to witness my harsh judgement. The alternative is to notice I am judging myself and judge myself for judging myself. That is two steps away from self-love. All is not lost though. Awareness can happen no matter howmany steps way we are from holding ourselves kindly. Remembering our basic goodness beyond the particular ego story is also useful. It also helps to remind myself what I would say to a child who approached me feeling self-hate. In my wildest dreams I wouldn't say,"buck up and get over it". I would say, "I can understand how you would feel that way
and move toward the child lovingly with words or touch." When I offer that to myself, it lets me know that I do know how to truely love and am lovable just as I am.
My suggestion is to begin to investigate how your ego addresses you and how you react to it. Appreciate yourself for doing this courageous work. If you've already begun this process acknowledge yourself for that. Hold yourself in love for your basic goodness. This goodness comes from being a human being regardless of what you do. Hold yourself or ask for help in holding yourself from an unconditionally loving being of your choice. When we are present in our bodies breathing into our own basic goodness, the ego , whose messages are based on the past and the future, has to take a time-out.
Friday, October 3, 2008
honoring feelings
Today was such a gorgeous day. When I was out for a walk with my friend Wendy I took the time to notice the beautiful trees and flowers. I don't remember fall being this lovely before. I think at least part of it is I am noticing more. More of my attention is available to notice what is going on around me. It is easier to be present than it used to be. That feels very good.
I worked with Wendy today on my pattern of ignoring my feelings. I know how I feel about something and then I try to convince myself that I feel differently. It is a pervasive pattern that crops up all over my life. Today I went shopping to find a pair of jeans. I found a pair I really liked and when I sat down in them they were tight. I knew they didn't feel comfortable and that after they were washed they would be even less comfortable. I tried to convince myself to buy them anyway telling myself that I was too picky because I don't like to wear tight pants and that they would be fine.I started to think that maybe I would lose some weight and I quickly moved back to my center. I don't buy clothes with losing weight in mind anymore. If it doesn't fit me now, I don't buy it. I tried them on many times and then left the dressing room with them. On my way to the check-out line I heard a screaming voice telling me to put them back. I was confused because yesterday I decided if my internal voice was mean it wasn't in my best interest. Today however, I decided to do an experiment. I decided to listen to the voice because maybe it was speaking to me insistently because I was refusing to listen.I put the pants on hold and left the store. Then I went and did another errand and hung out with how it felt to let go of the pants. At first I felt disappointed and deprived.Soon
I began to feel relieved.I really like to breathe comfortably when I have clothes on. Breathing is always good. I remembered how many times I had gone against the screaming voice and ended up returning things. I remember one winter when my daughter was younger and I wanted to buy black boots. I put Monnya through many stores and many returns. I felt sad about doing that and glad I am becoming more aware of this pattern now.It is a symptom of not being willing to listen to myself and trust in my truth.
I am grateful to be unraveling this pattern.I want to learn discernment about what feel right to me beyond right and wrong. I want to practice knowing the difference between intuition and ego. It is a complex process process and oh so interesting. There are many times I do listen to myself and many times I don't.I want to start to notice more how it feels when I honor my feelings and how it feels when I ignore them. I want to encourage you to do the same.
Someone I worked with always said, "Have a day." She said she could always wish someone to have a day without saying how their day should be and know they would. Have a weekend. I will write again on Monday.
I worked with Wendy today on my pattern of ignoring my feelings. I know how I feel about something and then I try to convince myself that I feel differently. It is a pervasive pattern that crops up all over my life. Today I went shopping to find a pair of jeans. I found a pair I really liked and when I sat down in them they were tight. I knew they didn't feel comfortable and that after they were washed they would be even less comfortable. I tried to convince myself to buy them anyway telling myself that I was too picky because I don't like to wear tight pants and that they would be fine.I started to think that maybe I would lose some weight and I quickly moved back to my center. I don't buy clothes with losing weight in mind anymore. If it doesn't fit me now, I don't buy it. I tried them on many times and then left the dressing room with them. On my way to the check-out line I heard a screaming voice telling me to put them back. I was confused because yesterday I decided if my internal voice was mean it wasn't in my best interest. Today however, I decided to do an experiment. I decided to listen to the voice because maybe it was speaking to me insistently because I was refusing to listen.I put the pants on hold and left the store. Then I went and did another errand and hung out with how it felt to let go of the pants. At first I felt disappointed and deprived.Soon
I began to feel relieved.I really like to breathe comfortably when I have clothes on. Breathing is always good. I remembered how many times I had gone against the screaming voice and ended up returning things. I remember one winter when my daughter was younger and I wanted to buy black boots. I put Monnya through many stores and many returns. I felt sad about doing that and glad I am becoming more aware of this pattern now.It is a symptom of not being willing to listen to myself and trust in my truth.
I am grateful to be unraveling this pattern.I want to learn discernment about what feel right to me beyond right and wrong. I want to practice knowing the difference between intuition and ego. It is a complex process process and oh so interesting. There are many times I do listen to myself and many times I don't.I want to start to notice more how it feels when I honor my feelings and how it feels when I ignore them. I want to encourage you to do the same.
Someone I worked with always said, "Have a day." She said she could always wish someone to have a day without saying how their day should be and know they would. Have a weekend. I will write again on Monday.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Compassion gardening
My friend Graham, who is a very good editor, looked at my last blog and pointed out several misspellings. I am not the greatest speller and I'm sure in all of the blogs I've written there are many more mispellings and typos I didn't catch. I appreciate your patience. When I went back to edit the mispellings he found my computer jumped me out. For now they will stay as they are. Thanks for your understanding.
If I could have compassion for hating myself, I would be loving myself and nothing about me would need to change. Cheri Huber
I really likes this quote that I got from my daily peace quotes (www.livingcompassion.com)
When I am aware of my ego or false self yapping about what's wrong with me it is useful to notice. For instance" Why are you rushing to write this blog? This is a stupid topic. You don't have anything to say about it." So first I interrupt the urge to stop writing and go eat something I'm not hungry for. Then I remember that any voice which speaks to me unkindly is most definitely my ego. So, I say "Ah, ego" and keep writing. When I can have compassion for myself for hating myself, I am loving myself. If instead I said," There you go again. You have the most ruthless ego I can ever imagine. You are really messed up."
Who do you think that is? It is the ego or false self telling me how bad I am because It is so strong. If I let it, it gets me coming and going. Compassion means caring about someone else's suffering. When it's my own suffering I care about, I can shift out of listening to my ego and pretending that I am my ego. I am so much more than my ego. Sometimes it is useful to ask for help by drawing my circle around me and bringing someone or something that I feel loves me unconditionally into my circle. Imagining being held in unconditional love or asking for the experience of being held in unconditional love in the midst of self-hate or self- criticism can be very helpful. Bringing my own higher self into my circle is a great relief . I get to see that I don't have to do it alone. Self-soothing doesn't have to be a solitary project. There is help available if we are willing to ask for it. It is always there. It is us that pretend we have been abandoned.
Do an experiment. Close your eyes. Draw your circle around you. Let yourself be quiet and go down into your body by using your breath as a focus. Ask for the experience of being loved for being exactly who you are and see if you can contact that feeling within you. imagine it could include the things you hate. Breathe and be still a few more moments. See what you notice. It's kind of like creating a compassion garden. Gardening compassion. Do this practice every day for a few minutes for a week. See what you notice.
If I could have compassion for hating myself, I would be loving myself and nothing about me would need to change. Cheri Huber
I really likes this quote that I got from my daily peace quotes (www.livingcompassion.com)
When I am aware of my ego or false self yapping about what's wrong with me it is useful to notice. For instance" Why are you rushing to write this blog? This is a stupid topic. You don't have anything to say about it." So first I interrupt the urge to stop writing and go eat something I'm not hungry for. Then I remember that any voice which speaks to me unkindly is most definitely my ego. So, I say "Ah, ego" and keep writing. When I can have compassion for myself for hating myself, I am loving myself. If instead I said," There you go again. You have the most ruthless ego I can ever imagine. You are really messed up."
Who do you think that is? It is the ego or false self telling me how bad I am because It is so strong. If I let it, it gets me coming and going. Compassion means caring about someone else's suffering. When it's my own suffering I care about, I can shift out of listening to my ego and pretending that I am my ego. I am so much more than my ego. Sometimes it is useful to ask for help by drawing my circle around me and bringing someone or something that I feel loves me unconditionally into my circle. Imagining being held in unconditional love or asking for the experience of being held in unconditional love in the midst of self-hate or self- criticism can be very helpful. Bringing my own higher self into my circle is a great relief . I get to see that I don't have to do it alone. Self-soothing doesn't have to be a solitary project. There is help available if we are willing to ask for it. It is always there. It is us that pretend we have been abandoned.
Do an experiment. Close your eyes. Draw your circle around you. Let yourself be quiet and go down into your body by using your breath as a focus. Ask for the experience of being loved for being exactly who you are and see if you can contact that feeling within you. imagine it could include the things you hate. Breathe and be still a few more moments. See what you notice. It's kind of like creating a compassion garden. Gardening compassion. Do this practice every day for a few minutes for a week. See what you notice.
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