Alone Time

I read this great article in Psychotherapy Networker last night by
Florence Falk. It was called Alone Without Lonliness: Discovering the satisfactions of single womanhood. Her premise is that there is a difference between alone and being lonely. She talks about how women in this culture are socialized to believe that we're not OK without a man. When a woman is single she is conditioned to think there is something wrong with her and blame herself for it.In the article a young woman who suddenly is alone when a relationship ends learns to create a fulfilling life for herself by herself. Lonliness happens whether we're in a relationship or not. Lonliness often arises when we're not comfortable being alone. It seems important to be able to hang out with the uncomfortable feelings that can arise when we are alone and don't exactly know what to do with ourselves. If we are willing to breathe into those antsy anxious feelings without judging ourselves, without doing something compulsive instead, we can soothe ourselves and get in touch with what would feel nourishing or right for us to do. Spending time in solitude as a practice lets us be more in touch with that still small voice inside that guides us home. It is a challenge to turn off your phone, stay away from the computer, resist the urge to go to the refrigerator, and simply be quiet for a while. When I take my solitary time in the morning I am very committed to doing it every day. Once I tell myself I will do it later and jump into my day it usually doesn't happen. After my meditation and yoga practice is complete my day goes differently. The amount I practice varies every day. I notice doing something even if it's short is way better than doing nothing. The universe cuts me slack for my intention and my energy is calmer. I notice I am less reactive in my life when I have my alone time. It is easier for me to stay in my own sacred circle when I have maintained it for the day. Although I am in a relationship, I live alone. It is very challenging to me on the days when I am with my partner to get up and have my alone time. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.Sometimes he'll do some stretching and meditation with me. I know flexibility is important. However, I do notice the difference in the quality of my day when I don't take the time to go inward.
Florence Falk talks about women abandoning themselves when they are in a relationship. It is so important to know that single or not we value ourselves enough to spend time with ourselves. Which one of us would ever imagine creating a relationship with another person without spending time with them? Yet, when I am busy spending my free time on my computer and intermittently visiting the refrigerator I'm not giving myself the time I need to relax and be known to me. In the evening after work I want to be able to pause and check in with myself so how I spend my time fits better with what I really need. How about you? Would you like to make an investment in the quality of your alone time?